Miscommunication sneaks in way more easily than we like to admit, usually not because people are careless, but because they assume they’re being understood. A few solid habits can dramatically cut it down.
Start with clarity, not speed Say what you mean plainly. Short, concrete sentences beat clever or indirect ones. If something matters, don’t hint, name it.
Check meanings, not just words People often use the same words differently. Phrases like “When you say X, what do you mean?” or “Just to be sure I’m understanding…” prevent a ton of silent confusion.
Reflect back what you heard Paraphrasing is gold:
“So what I’m hearing is…”This catches errors early and makes the other person feel genuinely heard.
Match the channel to the message Text is terrible for nuance. If emotions, complexity, or stakes are high, use voice or face-to-face. Many “conflicts” vanish once tone and timing are visible.
Separate facts, interpretations, and feelings A classic fix:
- Fact: what actually happened
- Interpretation: the story you told yourself
- Feeling: the emotional response Labeling these prevents mind-reading and defensiveness.
Ask instead of assuming intent Most miscommunication comes from guessing motives. Swap:
“You ignored me” for “I didn’t hear back, was something else going on?”
Slow down when emotions rise When the nervous system is activated, accuracy drops. Pausing, breathing, or even saying “I need a moment so I don’t misunderstand” protects the conversation.
Close the loop End important conversations with agreement:
“What are our next steps?”
“Are we aligned on this?”
Shervan K Shahhian
LIBERTY PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION 