Author Archives: Shervan K Shahhian, LIBERTY PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION, The Most Comprehensive Online Library Regarding Mental Health, Psychology and Parapsychology in the World.

Relaxed vigilance is a state in which you remain aware, attentive, and capable of detecting potential problems without being tense, fearful, or constantly on guard.

A useful way to think about it is:

“I am paying attention, but I don’t have to be alarmed.”

Recent mental health and clinical discussions distinguish relaxed vigilance from hypervigilance, describing it as maintaining vigilance while preserving cognitive flexibility and the ability to interact effectively.

Relaxed vigilance vs. hypervigilance

The important distinction

Relaxed vigilance may not be the same as being unaware or careless.

You may be sitting in a room, for example, and remain aware of who is present, what is happening, and whether something requires your attention, without continuously monitoring everything for danger.

This is particularly relevant to anxiety and trauma related hypervigilance. Instead of trying to eliminate vigilance altogether, the goal may be to develop the ability to move between alertness and relaxation appropriately.

Interestingly, mindfulness research also uses the phrase “relaxed vigilance” to describe maintaining open, moment to moment attention while remaining relatively relaxed.

In one sentence

Relaxed vigilance: “alert without alarm.”

It is a particularly useful concept for understanding the Difference between healthy situational awareness and chronic hypervigilance.

Shervan K Shahhian

Personal Self-rejection may be the tendency to reject, disapprove of, or distance oneself from one’s own identity, needs, feelings, qualities, or imperfections.

It may be essentially an internal message of: “There is something about me that is unacceptable.”

Common forms of personal self-rejection

• Rejecting your emotions: “I shouldn’t feel this way.”
• Rejecting your needs: “My needs don’t matter.”
• Rejecting your personality: “I don’t like the way I am.”
• Rejecting your appearance: “My body isn’t acceptable.”
• Rejecting your abilities: “I’m not capable enough.”
• Rejecting your past: “I can’t forgive myself for what I did.”
• Rejecting positive qualities: Difficulty accepting compliments or acknowledging strengths.
• Rejecting vulnerability: Feeling ashamed for needing help, affection, reassurance, or support.
• Conditional self-acceptance: “I’ll accept myself only when I’m successful, attractive, productive, or respected.”

Personal self-rejection vs. self-criticism

They overlap but aren’t identical:

Self-criticism:

“I made a mistake.”

Self-rejection:

“Because I made a mistake, there is something wrong with me.”

Self-criticism focuses primarily on behavior or performance. Self-rejection may become a judgment of the whole self.

Where it may come from

Personal self-rejection may develop through repeated experiences such as:

• chronic criticism or humiliation
• bullying or rejection
• conditional love or approval
• unrealistic standards
• childhood invalidation
• discrimination or stigma
• traumatic experiences
• persistent comparison with others
• internalized forms of oppression
• repeated experiences of failure or perceived inadequacy

Over time, external rejection may become internalized: the person begins to treat themselves the way others once treated them.

Psychological consequences

Persistent self-rejection may contribute to:

• shame and self-loathing
• low self-worth
• excessive self-criticism
• perfectionism
• difficulty accepting compliments
• people-pleasing
• difficulty setting boundaries
• social withdrawal
• hopelessness
• difficulty receiving love or care
• an unstable or negative self-concept

A particularly important concept is self-acceptance: learning that “I can recognize my limitations, mistakes, and areas for growth without concluding that I am fundamentally unacceptable.”

In that sense, the opposite of personal self-rejection it may not be believing “Everything about me is perfect.” It is closer to “I am allowed to be a flawed human being and still have inherent worth.”

Shervan K Shahhian

Internalized Sexism is when a person absorbs sexist beliefs, stereotypes, or expectations from society and begins to apply them to themselves or other people of their own gender.

In simple terms:

Sexism from the outside becomes a belief on the inside.

Unfortunate Examples

• A woman believing that men are naturally better leaders than women.
• A woman feeling that she must be exceptionally attractive to be worthy or valued.
• A woman criticizing another woman for being “too ambitious,” or “too independent.”
• A man believing that showing sadness or vulnerability makes him “weak” or “less masculine.”
• Someone feeling ashamed for not conforming to traditional gender roles.
• Automatically assuming that certain careers, behaviors, or personality traits are “for men” or “for women.”

How it may develop

Internalized sexism may develop through repeated exposure to:

• Family and cultural expectations
• Gender stereotypes
• Media and advertising
• Peer pressure
• Workplace discrimination
• Religious or social teachings
• Repeated experiences of unequal treatment

Over time, these messages may become automatic assumptions about one’s own worth, abilities, appearance, or appropriate behavior.

Psychological effects

Internalized sexism may contribute to:

• Low self-esteem
• Self-criticism and self-rejection
• Body dissatisfaction
• Shame and guilt
• Imposter syndrome
• Restricting one’s own opportunities
• Competition or hostility toward one’s own gender
• Difficulty asserting boundaries
• Anxiety or distress surrounding gender expectations

Internalized sexism vs. external sexism

External sexism:

“Women aren’t capable of being good leaders.”

Internalized sexism:

“Maybe I’m not capable of being a good leader because I’m a woman.”

The second statement illustrates how a social stereotype may become part of an individual’s self-concept.

Importantly, internalized sexism may not simply be a person’s “bad attitude.” It may reflect learned beliefs and social conditioning, it may be operating outside conscious awareness. Recognizing those beliefs may be an important step toward developing a more autonomous and compassionate self-concept.

Shervan K Shahhian

Enoughness is the quality or feeling of being enough, that what you have, what you’ve done, or who you are is sufficient without needing to constantly prove, achieve, or accumulate more.

The word may be used more often in psychology, coaching, mindfulness, and self-development than in formal academic writing. It may refer to ideas such as:

Personal enoughness: Believing you have inherent worth, even without external validation.

Material enoughness: Feeling that you have enough possessions, money, or resources to meet your needs.

Emotional enoughness: Accepting that your efforts or contributions are sufficient, even if they’re not perfect.

For example:

She spent years chasing promotions before realizing she wanted a sense of enoughness rather than endless success.

Practicing gratitude helped him develop a feeling of enoughness with what he already had.

The concept is closely related to:

Contentment

Sufficiency

Self-acceptance

Satisfaction

It’s worth noting that “enoughness” is a real word, but it’s relatively uncommon and is considered more informal or philosophical than standard terms like sufficiency or adequacy. It has become increasingly popular in discussions about well-being, minimalism, and resilience.

Shervan K Shahhian

The mental belief in minimalism may be the psychological mindset behind minimalism, it is essentially the belief that having less may create more mental space, freedom, and meaning.

The core mental beliefs of minimalism

• “Less is enough.” You don’t need excessive possessions, activities, or commitments to have a fulfilling life.
• Intentionality over accumulation. Choose what genuinely serves your values rather than automatically acquiring more.
• External simplicity may support internal clarity. Reducing clutter and unnecessary demands may decrease distraction and cognitive overload.
• Value experiences and relationships over possessions. Meaning is found more in connection, growth, purpose, and experiences than in material accumulation.
• Freedom over attachment. Owning fewer things may reduce the feeling that you have to maintain, protect, organize, or work for those things.
• Conscious consumption. Before acquiring something, ask: Do I really need this? Does it add meaningful value to my life?
• Enoughness. Minimalism often challenges the belief that “I will be happier if I just have more.”

Psychologically, it may be viewed as a shift

From:

“More will make me happier.”

Toward:

“What I already have may be enough, and I can deliberately choose what deserves my attention.”

Minimalism is therefore not necessarily about having very few possessions. At its psychological core, it could be about reducing what is unnecessary so that attention may be directed toward what matters most.

There is also an important distinction between healthy minimalism and rigid minimalism. If minimalism becomes driven by anxiety, perfectionism, deprivation, fear of possessions, or compulsive control, it may become psychologically unhealthy rather than liberating.

Shervan K Shahhian

The internal critic is the part of your inner dialogue that judges, evaluates, or criticizes you, often focusing on perceived mistakes, weaknesses, failures, or shortcomings.

What does the internal critic sound like?

It may produce thoughts such as:

• “I’m not good enough.”
• “I should have done better.”
• “Everyone else is more successful than I am.”
• “I always mess things up.”
• “What will people think of me?”
• “I don’t deserve this.”

The internal critic may be subtle or extremely harsh.

Where does it come from?

The internal critic may develop through a combination of:

• Childhood experiences: criticism, unrealistic expectations, rejection, or conditional approval
• Internalized voices: absorbing critical messages from parents, teachers, peers, or authority figures

• Social comparison: comparing oneself with others
• Perfectionism: believing mistakes are unacceptable
• Traumatic or emotionally painful experiences
• Cultural and societal expectations
• Repeated experiences of shame or failure

Over time, these external messages may become an internalized pattern of self-evaluation.

The internal critic isn’t always “bad”

An important distinction is between a healthy inner evaluator and a punitive inner critic.

Healthy self-correction:

“That didn’t go well. What can I learn from it?”

Punitive self-criticism:

“I failed because there’s something wrong with me.”

The first encourages learning and growth. The second may contribute to shame, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, perfectionism, and self-rejection.

A useful psychological concept

The goal generally may not eliminate the internal critic, but to develop the ability to recognize it without automatically believing it.

For example:

Critic: “I’m a failure.” Awareness: “I’m noticing my mind is criticizing me. ”Balanced response: “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t define my worth.”

This shift, from “I am a failure” to “I’m having the thought that I am a failure”, creates psychological distance from the critical thought.

In approaches such as CBT, ACT, compassion focused therapy, and IFS, one may learn to recognize and respond differently to the internal critic may be an important part of psychological work.

Shervan K Shahhian

Hatred toward oneself is commonly described as self-hatred or self-loathing, a persistent pattern of intensely negative feelings, judgments, or contempt directed toward oneself.

What it may look like

A person experiencing self-hatred may think or feel:

• “I hate myself.”
• “I’m worthless.”
• “I’m a terrible person.”
• “I don’t deserve good things.”
• Feeling ashamed or disgusted with oneself
• Excessive self-criticism and self-blame
• Difficulty accepting compliments or positive feedback
• Believing that one’s mistakes define one’s entire identity
• Feeling undeserving of love, forgiveness, or success

Self-hatred vs. ordinary self-criticism

Healthy self-criticism:

“I made a mistake, and I need to do something differently.”

Self-hatred:

“I made a mistake because there is something fundamentally wrong with me.”

The important distinction is that self-criticism evaluates a behavior, whereas self-hatred attacks the person’s entire sense of self.

Where may it come from?

Self-hatred may develop through various experiences, including chronic criticism, shame, bullying, trauma, rejection, abuse, perfectionism, depression, anxiety, or deeply internalized negative beliefs. Sometimes the person’s internal critic becomes so harsh that external criticism is no longer necessary, the person begins criticizing and punishing themselves automatically.

In psychological terms, self-hatred may become part of a negative self-schema: a deeply held belief such as “I am bad,” “I am unlovable,” or “I am fundamentally defective.”

A useful distinction:

“I did something bad” is about behavior. “I am bad” is about identity. The second may be much more damaging when it becomes a persistent belief.

Shervan K Shahhian

Excessive self-deprecation means repeatedly putting yourself down, minimizing your abilities, or making yourself the target of negative jokes, may be beyond ordinary humility or occasional self-deprecating humor.

Potential harms of excessive self-deprecation

1. Erodes self-esteemConstantly saying things like “I’m stupid,” “I can’t do anything right,” or “I’m a failure” may reinforce a negative self-concept.

2. Strengthens the inner critic Repeated self-criticism may make harsh internal dialogue feel normal and automatic.

3. May reinforce shame Instead of recognizing “I made a mistake,” the person may move toward “There is something wrong with me.”

4. Creates a self-fulfilling cycle Low self-worth may lead to avoidance, reduced confidence, and reluctance to pursue opportunities, which may then appear to confirm the person’s negative beliefs.

5. Makes it difficult to accept compliments Excessive self-deprecation may cause someone to dismiss positive feedback: “They’re just being nice.”

6. May affect relationships Although occasional self-deprecating humor may be socially appealing, persistent self put downs may make others uncomfortable or feel responsible for constantly reassuring the person.

7. May conceal genuine distress Humor may sometimes function as a psychological defense, allowing someone to express painful feelings indirectly rather than acknowledging vulnerability.

8. May normalize mistreatment If someone continually portrays themselves as undeserving, incompetent, or inferior, they may become more tolerant of disrespect, exploitation, or unhealthy relationships.

Healthy humility vs. harmful self-deprecation

Healthy humility:

“I don’t know the answer, but I’m willing to learn.”

Self-deprecation:

“I’m too stupid to understand this.”

The important distinction is behavior versus identity. Healthy self-reflection evaluates something you did; excessive self-deprecation attacks who you are.

A healthier alternative is self-compassion:

“I made a mistake. That doesn’t make me a failure, and I can learn from it.”

Occasional self-deprecating humor isn’t necessarily harmful. The concern is when it becomes chronic, automatic, identity-based, or emotionally painful.

Shervan K Shahhian