Author Archives: Shervan K Shahhian, LIBERTY PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION, The Most Comprehensive Online Library Regarding Mental Health, Psychology and Parapsychology in the World.

Doctored Degree in Clinical Psychology (PSYD) (ABD) All But Dissertation, a Masters (M.A.) in Clinical Psychology, a Bachelor's Degree (B.A.) in Psychology, a Associate Degree (AA) in Liberal Arts with an emphases in Psychology, Certification in Anger Management, Certification in MRT-Moral Reconation Therapy®, Certification in Clinical Hypnotherapy, and Certification in Advanced Hypnotherapy.

Grief can be a form of suffering, but grief itself is not usually a choice:

Grief and Suffering

Grief: is the emotional, cognitive, physical, relational, and sometimes spiritual response to a significant loss. It may include sadness, longing, anger, guilt, numbness, confusion, loneliness, or a sense that life has changed fundamentally.

Suffering: is the distress associated with that experience. Grief may therefore involve suffering, but the two may not be identical.

For example:

Loss…grief…pain/distress…adaptation and meaning making

Is grief a choice?

The initial experience of grief may generally not be voluntary. You may not simply choose to miss someone, feel sadness, or experience the shock of a loss.

However, there may be choices within the grieving process:

whether to seek support or isolate
whether to acknowledge or avoid painful emotions
how to remember and honor the person
how to care for yourself while grieving
whether to gradually reconnect with life
what meaning, if any, you eventually make from the loss
how you incorporate the loss into your continuing life

This distinction is important:

You may not choose the pain of grief, but you may have some choice in how you respond to the pain.

That may not mean someone should be told to “choose happiness” or “choose to stop suffering.” Such statements can become invalidating, particularly during acute bereavement.

A useful psychological distinction

Pain is often unavoidable; suffering may sometimes be influenced.

This may be related to the idea of secondary suffering:

The additional distress that may arise from fighting, judging, catastrophizing, or becoming trapped in thoughts about the original pain.

For example:

“I miss her terribly. “Primary grief/pain.

versus:

“I shouldn’t still feel this way. Something is wrong with me. I’ll never be okay again.

“Additional psychological suffering.”

The second layer may be more amenable to psychological intervention.

And importantly, healthy grieving may not necessarily mean eliminating grief. Sometimes adaptation means learning to carry the loss while gradually rebuilding a meaningful life.

In one sentence:

Grief may not be a choice; how a person eventually relates to, processes, and lives with their grief could involve choices and psychological capacities that may develop over time.

Shervan K Shahhian

Monk Mode may be an Intentional Period of Deep Focus:

Monk Mode may be an intentional period of deep focus and minimal distraction where you deliberately strip life down to essentials so you may work on something that really matters.

Think of it as voluntary simplicity and extreme focus.

What monk mode may include:

No distractions: limited or zero social media, news, TV, casual texting

Single minded focus: one main goal (study, writing, healing, fitness, business, spiritual practice)

Structured routine: fixed times for sleep, work, exercise, reflection

Inner regulation: meditation, journaling, prayer, breathwork, or quiet contemplation

Simple living: basic food, fewer decisions, reduced stimulation

What it’s for

Breaking habits and addictions

Recovering from burnout or overwhelm

Building discipline and self-trust

Deep learning or skill acquisition

Psychological or spiritual recalibration

Reclaiming attention in a hyper stimulated world

What monk mode may not be

NOT Isolation for punishment

NOT Emotional suppression

NOT Avoidance of responsibilities

NOT A permanent lifestyle (it’s usually time limited)

Typical and possible durations

7 days (reset)

30 days (habit rewire)

60 to 90 days (identity level change)

Psychological angle

From a mental health perspective of monk mode:

Reduces cognitive load

Limits reinforcement from low value stimuli

Increases distress tolerance

Strengthens executive function

Supports identity consolidation

In trauma aware practice, it may work best when paired with body regulation so it may not turn into rigid control or emotional shutdown.

Shervan K Shahhian

“The Greatest University is the University of Trial and Error, by Shervan K Shahhian.”

“The Greatest University is the University of Trial and Error, by Shervan K Shahhian.” is a possible metaphor for the idea that some of life’s deepest learning comes from. Mistakes or bad experiences rather than instruction alone.

Why?

1. . Mistakes turns information into knowledge. You may read about swimming your whole life, but actually getting into the water teaches you things a book may never fully convey.

2. Mistakes provide feedback. When things doesn’t workout they way we expected, but if we receive feedback about what needs to change. Failure becomes a form of learning.

3. Trial and error may develop judgment. Repeated mistakes and bad experiences might help us recognize patterns: What may work? What doesn’t work? When should we persist? When should we change directions?

4. . Mistakes may develop resilience. Learning that mistakes and bad experience’s are survivable at times, they may reduce the fear of being wrong. We may become more willing to experiment?, learn, adapt, and try again.

5. . Mistakes may promote metacognition. After bad experiences, you may ask yourself:

What just happened?
What things did I assume?
What things did I get wrong?
What things did I learn from it?
What things will I do differently next time?

That may turn mistakes and bad experiences into wisdom.

But there may be an important qualification

Trial and error may not automatically promote good learning. Repeating the same mistake without reflection is simply repetition.

A more accurate formula may be:

Experience...feedback…reflection…adjustment...new experience…learning

So the “University of Trial and Error, by Shervan K Shahhian” is really the University of Experience, Feedback, Learning and Adaptation.

In psychological terms, this may closely be related to experiential learning: We may learn by acting, observing the consequences, reflecting on what happened, and it may modify our future behavior.

And perhaps the most important lesson may be:

Mistakes may not necessarily evidence that we failed; it may be evidence that our current strategy needs updating, improving and changing.

“The Greatest University is the University of Trial and Error, by Shervan K Shahhian.”

Shervan K Shahhian

The Internal Critic is the part of your Inner Dialogue:

The internal critic is the part of your inner dialogue that judges, evaluates, or criticizes you, often focusing on perceived mistakes, weaknesses, failures, or shortcomings.

What does the internal critic sound like?

It may produce thoughts such as:

“I’m not good enough.”
“I should have done better.”
“Everyone else is more successful than I am.”
“I always mess things up.”
“What will people think of me?”
“I don’t deserve this.”

The internal critic may be subtle or extremely harsh.

Where does it come from?

The internal critic may often develop through a combination of:

Childhood experiences: criticism, unrealistic expectations, rejection, or conditional approval
Internalized voices: absorbing critical messages from parents, teachers, peers, or authority figures
Social comparison: comparing oneself with others
Perfectionism: believing mistakes are unacceptable
Traumatic or emotionally painful experiences
Cultural and societal expectations
Repeated experiences of shame or failure

Over time, these external messages may become an internalized pattern of self-evaluation.

The internal critic may not always be “bad”

An important distinction is between a healthy inner evaluator and a punitive inner critic.

Healthy self-correction:

“That didn’t go well. What can I learn from it?”

Punitive self-criticism:

“I failed because there’s something wrong with me.”

The first encourages learning and growth. The second may contribute to shame, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, perfectionism, and self-rejection.

A useful psychological concept may be

The goal generally isn’t to eliminate the internal critic, but to develop the ability to recognize it without automatically believing it.

For example:

Critic: “I’m a failure.” Awareness: “I’m noticing my mind is criticizing me.

Balanced Response: “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t define my worth.”

This shift, from “I am a failure” to “I’m having the thought that I am a failure”, creates psychological distance from the critical thought.

In approaches such as CBT, ACT, compassion focused therapy, and IFS, learning to recognize and respond differently to the internal critic may be an important part of psychological work.

Shervan K Shahhian

Parapsychology; Dimensions or Realities Beyond Ordinary Human Perception:

“Dimensions or realities beyond ordinary human perception” refers to the idea that there may be aspects of reality that humans may not normally detect through their five senses or ordinary waking consciousness.

1. “Dimensions”

In this context, dimension may mean more than the mathematical dimensions of physics. It may refer to a proposed level, domain, or aspect of reality that may not directly accessible to ordinary human perception.

Examples sometimes discussed include:

Additional physical dimensions proposed in theoretical physics
Hypothesized nonphysical or spiritual realms
Altered states of consciousness
Proposed informational or consciousness related domains
In parapsychology, a possible domain associated with psi phenomena

2. “Realities”

Reality here may mean a proposed domain of existence or experience that may differ from ordinary physical, waking experience.

People sometimes use this language when discussing:

Near death experiences (NDEs)
Out of body experiences
Apparitions
Precognitive or telepathic experiences
Remote viewing
Mystical experiences
Alleged contact with non-human intelligences
Reincarnation or past-life experiences

3. The important distinction

There may be a significant difference between:

Phenomenological reality:

“I genuinely experienced something that seemed like another reality.”

and

Ontological reality:

“That experience demonstrates that another independently existing dimension actually exists.”

The first may be documented as an experience. The second is a much stronger claim requiring independent evidence.

For example, someone might report seeing deceased relatives during an NDE. The experience itself is a phenomenological fact. Whether the experience represents actual contact with deceased persons, mind generated imagery, a consciousness related phenomenon, or something else remains an interpretive question.

In parapsychology

A careful formulation would be:

“Dimensions or realities beyond ordinary human perception” refers to hypothesized aspects of existence that may not be accessible through normal sensory perception but are sometimes proposed to account for anomalous experiences or consciousness related phenomena.

This wording keeps the possibility open without automatically treating the hypothesis as established fact an especially useful distinction when discussing parapsychology, consciousness studies, and unusual experiences.

Shervan K Shahhian

Parapsychology: Non-Human Intelligence:

Non-human (NHI) intelligence refers to an intelligence or apparently intelligent agency that is not human in origin or nature.

The term is broad and may not automatically mean extraterrestrial beings.

Depending on the context, NHI may refer to:

Extraterrestrial intelligence: hypothetical intelligent life originating elsewhere in the universe.
Interdimensional or trans dimensional intelligence: proposed entities associated with dimensions or realities beyond ordinary human perception.
Non-human biological intelligence: highly intelligent animals or other organisms.
Artificial intelligence: machine based intelligence, although this is usually discussed separately from NHI in UAP/paranormal literature.
Unknown or anomalous intelligences: an intelligence inferred from unusual experiences or phenomena whose source is unresolved.

In UAP and parapsychology:

In UAP research, NHI may often be used as a deliberately neutral term. Instead of immediately saying “extraterrestrials,” researchers may say NHI because the available evidence may not establish where an apparent intelligence originates.

For example:

Observation: A person reports an apparently intelligent communication associated with a UAP.

Phenomenological fact: The person experienced the communication.

Interpretation: It may have been extraterrestrial, psychological, technological, paranormal, or something else.

Conclusion: The experience itself does not establish the nature or origin of the intelligence.

This distinction is particularly important in parapsychology, where unusual experiences may be studied without automatically assuming either a supernatural explanation or a purely psychological one.

Key idea: NHI is a category of inquiry, not proof of a particular explanation.

Shervan K Shahhian

Psychological Flexibility; staying connected to what matters to you:

Psychological Flexibility is the ability to adapt your thoughts and behavior to a situation while staying connected to what matters to you.

In psychology, especially Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), it means being able to experience difficult thoughts, emotions, or sensations without automatically avoiding them or letting them control your actions.

For example, someone might think, “I’m going to embarrass myself,” before giving a presentation. Psychological flexibility may not require eliminating that thought. Instead, the person may notice the anxiety, accept that it is present, and still give the presentation because doing so supports an important goal.

It commonly involves six related skills: acceptance of uncomfortable experiences; cognitive defusion, or seeing thoughts as thoughts rather than facts; present moment awareness; a flexible sense of self as context; identifying personal values; and taking committed action consistent with those values.

In simple terms:

Psychological flexibility: being open to your internal experiences, adapting to circumstances, and choosing actions based on your values rather than being controlled by difficult thoughts or feelings.

Shervan K Shahhian

Releasing the Past: so that the past no longer has to control your present:

“Releasing the Past” may not mean forgetting it, denying it, or pretending that it did not matter. It may mean changing your relationship with what happened so that the past no longer has to control your present.

Psychologically, it may involve:

Accepting reality: “This happened, and I cannot change the event itself.”
Processing the emotions: allowing grief, anger, guilt, hurt, or disappointment to be acknowledged rather than continually suppressed.
Learning from the experience: asking, “What can this teach me?” rather than repeatedly asking, “Why did this happen?”
Letting go of rumination: recognizing when reflection has become repetitive mental replay without producing new understanding.
Separating memory from the present: “That happened then; I am here now.”
Reclaiming agency: focusing attention on what you can influence today.
Making room for the future: allowing new experiences rather than requiring the future to compensate for the past.

This may be closely related to acceptance and psychological flexibility. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), acceptance may not be resignation or approval; it may involve reducing the unnecessary struggle with internal experiences so that a person may engage more fully with the present and with personally meaningful actions.

An important distinction

Releasing vs forgetting

Releasing vs forgiving someone

Releasing vs approving what happened

Releasing: “I will remember what happened, learn what I can from it, and stop allowing it to consume my present.”

A useful phrase may be:

“Honor the past, learn from the past, but don’t live in the past.”

Mindfulness approaches similarly emphasize returning attention to the present rather than becoming consumed by memories, regrets, or future worries.

And sometimes the healthiest goal isn’t “I need to get over it.” It is:

“I want the memory to become part of my history rather than the center of my identity.”

Shervan K Shahhian

Parapsychology, Purported Memories:

Purported Memories are memories that someone claims to have, but whose accuracy or factual basis has not been independently established.

Simple definition

Purported: claimed or reported to be true, but not necessarily proven.

So, a purported memory may mean:

“A person reports remembering something, but we may not yet know whether the memory accurately represents an actual past event.”

Examples

Childhood: “She has a purported memory of being left alone as a young child.”
Past life claims: “He reports purported memories of living in another historical period.”
Trauma: “The client describes purported memories of an event that occurred before they were old enough to have reliable autobiographical memory.”
Paranormal experiences: “The person reports purported memories of communicating with a non-human intelligence.”

Important psychological distinction

A person may genuinely experience a memory as real without the memory necessarily being historically accurate.

Memory is reconstructive and may be influenced by:

suggestion
expectations and beliefs
imagination
source monitoring errors
misinformation
dreams
emotional states
repeated retelling
hypnosis or guided imagery

Therefore, in clinical language, “purported memory” may often be a neutral phrase. It may not automatically mean false memory; it simply avoids treating the recollection as established fact.

Useful distinction:

Reported memory …“The person says they remember it. ”Purported memory…“The person claims to remember it, but its factual accuracy is unverified…”Verified memory…“Independent evidence supports that the event occurred.” False memory…“The person remembers an event that did not occur.”

Shervan K Shahhian

Parapsychology: Phenomenological Facts, like the person’s own point of view:

Phenomenological Facts are facts about a person’s directly experienced subjective experience what the experience is like from the person’s own point of view.

Simple definition

Phenomenological Facts: facts about how an experience is experienced, rather than claims about what objectively caused it.

For example, someone reports:

“I felt a presence in the room.”
“I heard a voice.”
“I experienced intense fear.”
“I saw a bright light.”
“I felt as though I left my body.”
“The experience seemed completely real to me.”

These may be phenomenological facts in the sense that the person genuinely experienced the sensation, perception, emotion, or awareness they describe.

Important distinction

Phenomenological fact	Interpretation/explanation

“I experienced a presence.”

“A spirit was present.”

“I heard a voice.”

“A deceased person communicated with me.”

“I felt outside my body.”

“My consciousness actually left my body.”

“I remembered being someone else.”

“I was reincarnated.”

The first column describes the experience itself. The second makes a claim about what caused or explains the experience.

In psychology and parapsychology

This distinction is particularly useful with unusual experiences. A researcher may take the person’s phenomenology seriously without immediately deciding whether the explanation is:

psychological,
neurological,
social/cultural,
spiritual,
paranormal,
or something not yet understood.

For example:

Phenomenological fact: “The individual reports a vivid experience of remembering a previous life.”

That may not, by itself, establish that reincarnation occurred. The reincarnation hypothesis is an interpretation of the phenomenological experience.

This approach allows you to be open minded without being uncritical: take the experience seriously, while keeping the explanation provisional.

Shervan K Shahhian