“The past is a teacher, not a place to live”
The idea behind that saying is a useful metaphor for present focused living:
“Pay attention to your present. The rearview mirror is small for a good reason.”
The rearview mirror represents the past. It is important to look back occasionally, to learn from mistakes, recognize patterns, appreciate accomplishments, and understand where you came from. But you may not safely drive forward while staring constantly into the rearview mirror.
The windshield in front of you, represents the present and the road ahead. It is much larger because your attention needs to be primarily directed toward what is happening now and what you are moving toward.
Psychologically
This may be understood as a balance between:
- Reflection: “What can I learn from what happened?”
- Acceptance: “I cannot change what already happened.”
- Present awareness: “What is happening right now?”
- Agency: “What can I do about it now?”
- Future orientation: “What direction do I want to take?”
The problem may not remembering the past. The problem could be becoming psychologically stuck in it.
For example
Healthy reflection:
“That relationship ended painfully. I can understand what I contributed, what I tolerated, and what I want to do differently.”
Rumination:
“Why did this happen? What if I had said something different? What should I have done? Why didn’t they treat me differently?”
The first uses the past as information. The second may turn the past into a place where the mind repeatedly lives.
A useful principle is:
Look in the rearview mirror long enough to learn from the past, but keep your eyes on the road.
Or even more simply:
The past is a teacher, not a place to live.
Shervan K Shahhian
LIBERTY PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION 