Lobotomy, what and why:

Lobotomy, what and why:

“CONSULT A MEDICAL DOCTOR”

A lobotomy is a type of brain surgery that was once used to treat certain mental illnesses, mainly severe depression, schizophrenia, and extreme anxiety.

The basic idea was to sever connections between the prefrontal cortex (the front part of the brain involved in thinking, planning, and emotions) and the rest of the brain. Surgeons believed this would reduce a patient’s intense emotional suffering and uncontrollable behaviors. The procedure was first widely promoted in the 1930s and 1940s, especially by a Portuguese neurologist named Egas Moniz, who even won a Nobel Prize for it in 1949.

Why it was done:

At the time, there were very few effective treatments for severe mental illness.

Hospitals were overcrowded with patients who had no hope of recovery.

Psychiatrists were desperate for anything that could calm violent or suicidal individuals.

However, lobotomies often left patients with terrible side effects:

Loss of personality

Emotional flatness

Intellectual decline

Sometimes even death

By the 1950s and 1960s, new psychiatric medications like Thorazine became available, and lobotomies quickly fell out of favor because the risks were too high compared to the benefits.

Shervan K Shahhian

Psychology of Addiction:

Psychology of Addiction:

Addiction is a complex psychological and physiological condition that involves compulsive engagement in behaviors or consumption of substances, despite the negative consequences. It typically involves both mental and physical dependence, and its psychology can be explored from several perspectives:

1. Biological Basis of Addiction:

Neurotransmitters and the Reward System: The brain’s reward system, particularly the dopaminergic pathways (such as the mesolimbic pathway), plays a key role in addiction. When individuals engage in addictive behaviors (e.g., drug use, gambling), the brain releases dopamine, which creates feelings of pleasure and reinforces the behavior.
Tolerance and Withdrawal: Over time, the brain adapts to the heightened dopamine levels, leading to tolerance (where more of the substance or behavior is needed to achieve the same effect). When the addictive behavior is stopped, withdrawal symptoms arise as the brain struggles to regulate dopamine levels without the substance or activity.

2. Psychological Factors:

Coping Mechanism: Many people turn to addictive behaviors as a way to cope with stress, anxiety, depression, or trauma. The addiction may serve as a temporary escape from negative emotions, creating a reinforcing loop where the individual seeks relief from their emotional pain.
Cognitive Distortions: People struggling with addiction often exhibit cognitive distortions, such as denial (“I can quit anytime”), rationalization (“I deserve this”), or catastrophizing (“If I don’t use this now, something bad will happen”).
Conditioned Responses: Addictive behaviors are often learned through classical conditioning, where certain cues (e.g., places, people, emotions) trigger the desire to engage in the addictive behavior. These associations can be so strong that they drive relapse even after long periods of abstinence.

3. Social and Environmental Influences:

Peer Pressure and Social Environment: The social environment can have a profound influence on addiction. Peer pressure, social acceptance, or exposure to environments where substance use or addictive behaviors are normalized can increase the likelihood of engaging in these behaviors.
Family Dynamics: Dysfunctional family relationships, including enmeshment, neglect, or abuse, can contribute to the development of addiction. Family members may also enable addictive behaviors, which complicates recovery.

4. Addiction as a Disease:

Chronic Nature: Addiction is often viewed as a chronic disease that can be managed but not “cured.” This perspective emphasizes the need for ongoing treatment and support, including therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes.
Genetic Predisposition: There is evidence to suggest that genetic factors may make some individuals more vulnerable to addiction. Family history of addiction increases the likelihood of developing similar issues.

5. Psychological Theories of Addiction:

Behaviorism: Addiction is seen as a learned behavior, reinforced through the reward system. Operant conditioning, where positive reinforcement (pleasure) strengthens the addictive behavior, plays a key role in the maintenance of addiction.
Cognitive-Behavioral Theory (CBT): CBT focuses on identifying and changing the distorted thinking patterns and behaviors that contribute to addiction. It helps individuals recognize triggers and develop healthier coping strategies.
Psychodynamic Theory: From this perspective, addiction is viewed as an expression of unconscious conflicts, often linked to unresolved trauma or emotional issues. Psychoanalysis or psychodynamic therapy may focus on exploring these deeper emotional causes.

6. Stages of Addiction:

Initiation: The first stage of addiction typically involves experimentation or use in social settings. This phase is driven by curiosity, peer pressure, or the desire to escape reality.
Reinforcement: As the individual experiences pleasurable effects, they continue engaging in the behavior. Positive reinforcement encourages repetition, and negative reinforcement (relief from negative emotions) strengthens the habit.
Escalation: Over time, the behavior becomes more frequent and intense, leading to greater tolerance and dependence.
Dependence: This stage is characterized by the individual’s need for the substance or behavior to feel normal. Withdrawal symptoms become a prominent feature.
Addiction: Full addiction is marked by the inability to control the behavior despite harmful consequences. This is when the behavior starts to interfere with daily life, relationships, and work.

7. Treatment of Addiction:

Psychotherapy: Various types of therapy can be helpful, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Motivational Interviewing (MI), and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), which aim to change thought patterns and emotional responses that fuel the addiction.
Support Groups: Programs like 12-step groups (e.g., Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous) or other peer-support groups provide social support and accountability.
Medication: For certain types of addiction (e.g., alcohol, opioids), medications can be used to manage cravings and withdrawal symptoms, such as methadone, naltrexone, or buprenorphine.
Mindfulness and Stress Management: Techniques such as mindfulness meditation and stress management strategies can help individuals manage triggers and cravings in healthier ways.

Understanding addiction from a psychological perspective involves a blend of factors, including genetic predisposition, environmental influences, emotional regulation, and cognitive patterns. Treatment approaches typically aim at addressing both the mind and body to break the cycle of addiction and promote long-term recovery.

Shervan K Shahhian

Splitting in Mental Health:

Splitting in Mental Health:

In mental health, splitting is a psychological defense mechanism where a person is unable to hold opposing thoughts, feelings, or beliefs about themselves or others. This leads them to see things in black-and-white, all-or-nothing terms — someone is either “all good” or “all bad,” with no shades of gray.

Key Characteristics of Splitting:

Idealization and devaluation: A person may alternate between extreme admiration and intense dislike for someone, based on a single event or interaction.

Instability in relationships: People who split may have tumultuous relationships due to their shifting perceptions.

Inability to integrate positive and negative aspects of oneself or others into a cohesive whole.

Commonly Associated Disorders:

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): Splitting is considered a hallmark feature of BPD, though it can appear in other conditions.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder and other personality disorders: It can also occur in these contexts, though often less pervasively.

Example:

Border Line, example:

A client with BPD may say of their therapist:
“You’re the best therapist in the world!” (idealization)
Then, after a perceived slight:
“You’re just like all the others — completely useless!” (devaluation)

Why It Happens:

Splitting often originates from early developmental trauma or invalidating environments, where the person never developed the capacity to tolerate emotional ambivalence or complexity.

Shervan K Shahhian

Suppressing Grief or Anxiety only extends Suffering, why:

Suppressing Grief or Anxiety only extends Suffering, why:

Suppressing grief or anxiety only extends suffering because when these emotions are pushed away or denied, they aren’t actually resolved — they remain active beneath the surface, influencing thoughts, behavior, and even physical health in subtle but powerful ways.

Here’s why:

Unprocessed Emotions Don’t Disappear Suppression is like stuffing emotions into a box and locking it — but the box is still inside you. Over time, those emotions may leak out as irritability, depression, panic attacks, or physical symptoms (like headaches, fatigue, or digestive issues).

Avoidance Blocks Healing Emotions like grief and anxiety have a natural arc — they arise in response to loss or threat and, when fully experienced, tend to lessen over time. Suppression interrupts this healing process, leaving you emotionally “stuck.”

Increases Internal Conflict Part of your mind is trying to feel or express the emotion, while another part is working hard to block it. This creates tension and drains mental energy, leading to greater stress and fatigue.

Impacts Relationships When you suppress your emotions, especially grief, it can create distance between you and others. You may seem emotionally unavailable or cold, which makes it harder to receive the support you actually need.

The Body Keeps ScoreAs trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk puts it, “the body keeps the score.” Suppressed emotions can manifest in somatic (bodily) ways — chronic pain, immune issues, or psychosomatic conditions.

Ultimately, allowing yourself to feel and express grief or anxiety — whether through talking, writing, crying, or meditating — is a form of respect for your inner life. It’s how you metabolize pain and create space for growth, connection, and peace.

Shervan K Shahhian

Overcoming Anxiety, Grief, Loss and Stress, how:

Overcoming Anxiety, Grief, Loss and Stress, how:
Overcoming anxiety, grief, loss, and stress is a deeply personal journey, but there are core approaches that consistently help people regain emotional balance and strength.
Here’s a structured yet compassionate guide:
Acknowledge and Accept Your Emotions

Feel without judgment: Suppressing grief or anxiety only extends suffering.
Name what you’re feeling: “This is grief.” “This is fear.” Naming brings awareness and grounding.
Accept that healing is nonlinear - good and bad days may alternate.
Regulate Your Nervous System

Breathing exercises: 4–7–8 breathing or box breathing calms the autonomic nervous system.
Mindfulness meditation: Trains attention, reduces stress, and promotes acceptance.
Grounding techniques: Focus on your five senses to pull yourself out of overwhelming thoughts.
Reframe Thoughts (Cognitive Tools)

Challenge catastrophic thinking: Anxiety often feeds on worst-case scenarios.
Write it down: Journaling helps process emotions and uncover hidden beliefs.
Use compassionate self-talk: Replace “I can’t do this” with “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”
Connect with Others

Talk to trusted friends or family. Grief and stress shrink when shared.
Support groups: For grief or anxiety, connection with others going through similar struggles is powerful.
Therapy: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), EMDR (for trauma), and grief counseling can be transformative.
Take Care of the Body

Sleep: Non-negotiable for emotional regulation.
Nutrition: Avoid excessive sugar, caffeine, and alcohol during emotional lows.
Movement: Gentle exercise like walking, yoga, or tai chi releases endorphins and relieves stress.
Purpose and Meaning

Grief often awakens deep existential questions. Ask:
What values can guide me now?
What do I want to create or give, even in this pain?
Spiritual practices (prayer, meditation, ritual) often bring solace and strength.
Create Safe Routines

Structure helps stabilize a chaotic inner world.
Simple routines like morning tea, evening walks, or regular journaling bring predictability and peace.
Give Yourself Time

Don’t rush healing. The goal isn’t to “get over” grief or anxiety - it’s to integrate the experience and grow stronger.
Personalized routine:
Great - let’s create a personalized emotional healing routine to help you overcome anxiety, grief, loss, and stress. I’ll structure it around morning, midday, and evening, with options you can adjust based on your energy levels or emotional state.
Morning Routine: Grounding & Intentional Start (30–60 min)
Mindful Awakening (5–10 min)

Sit up in bed or in a chair.
Do box breathing: Inhale 4 sec, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4 - repeat x4.
Say silently: “I’m safe. I’m here. I will face this day with gentleness.”
Journaling (10–15 min)

Prompt: “Today I feel…” or “What do I need right now?”
Optional: Write 3 things you’re grateful for - helps shift from pain to presence.
Body Activation (15–30 min)

Gentle yoga, stretching, tai chi, or a walk.
Move while focusing on how your body feels - not performance.
Midday Reset: Emotional Check-in & Release (15–30 min)
5-Minute Breath or Nature Break

Step outside, or sit near a window.
Breathe deeply and observe without trying to change anything.
Thought Release (Optional CBT practice)

Ask: “Is what I’m thinking true, or is it fear speaking?”
Replace with: “Even if this is hard, I am not alone. I can handle one moment at a time.”
Supportive Input

Listen to calming music, an uplifting podcast, or a spiritual reflection (e.g. Tara Brach, Eckhart Tolle, Thich Nhat Hanh).
Evening Routine: Emotional Integration & Rest (30–60 min)

Reflective Journaling (10–20 min)

Prompt: “What emotions visited me today?”
Follow with: “What do I forgive myself for today?”
Meditation or Guided Practice (10–20 min)

Use Insight Timer, Calm, or YouTube for grief or anxiety meditations.
Focus: Acceptance, letting go, inner calm.
Wind-Down Ritual

Herbal tea, warm bath, or reading a calming book (avoid screens 1 hr before sleep).
Light a candle or use aromatherapy (lavender, frankincense, sandalwood).
Weekly Anchor (Once a Week)

Talk to someone you trust (friend, therapist, group).
Creative expression: Paint, write poetry, sing - express the unspeakable parts of grief and stress.
Shervan K Shahhian

Love Bombing, what is it

Love bombing is a psychological manipulation tactic where someone overwhelms another person with excessive affection, attention, praise, gifts, or promises early in a relationship in order to gain control or influence over them.

Key Characteristics:

Intense flattery and compliments

Lavish gifts or gestures

Constant communication (texts, calls, messages)

Pushing for quick commitment or declarations of love

Creating a sense of dependency or obligation

Where It’s Common:

Narcissistic relationships: Often used by narcissists to idealize their targets before devaluing and discarding them.

Cult recruitment: To create loyalty and dependency on the group or leader.

Abusive dynamics: As part of a cycle of abuse — idealization, devaluation, and discard.

Why It’s Harmful:

Initially, love bombing can feel flattering and exciting, but over time it’s often followed by emotional withdrawal, manipulation, or control. It can lead the victim to doubt their own perceptions, become isolated, or feel trapped in an unhealthy relationship.

Shervan K Shahhian

Narcissistic Abuse:

Narcissistic Abuse:

Narcissistic abuse refers to the psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical harm inflicted by someone with narcissistic traits or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This kind of abuse is often manipulative, controlling, and deeply damaging, though it can be subtle and hard to identify at first.

Common Signs of Narcissistic Abuse:

Gaslighting – Making you question your reality or sanity.
Love bombing – Overwhelming you with affection and attention early on, then withdrawing it to control you.
Devaluation – Criticizing, belittling, or undermining you after gaining your trust.
Triangulation – Involving others to manipulate or isolate you.
Blame shifting – Refusing responsibility and blaming you for problems.
Silent treatment – Withholding communication as punishment.
Projection – Accusing you of things they are actually doing.

Effects on Victims:

Loss of self-esteem and identity
Anxiety and depression
PTSD or complex PTSD (C-PTSD)
Emotional confusion and trauma bonding (feeling attached despite the abuse)

What to Do:

Document behavior for your own clarity
Set boundaries (and enforce them)
Seek support – therapy, support groups, or trusted friends
Consider no contact if the abuse is ongoing and severe

Shervan K Shahhian

If your experiencing Narcissistic Abuse, how can you survive it:

If your experience involves Narcissistic Abuse, how can you survive it:
Surviving narcissistic abuse can be incredibly difficult, but it is possible - and many people not only survive, but grow stronger and more self-aware afterward.
Here’s a grounded, practical guide to surviving narcissistic abuse, emotionally and psychologically:
Recognize the Abuse

Narcissistic abuse often involves:
Gaslighting (making you doubt your reality)
Emotional manipulation (guilt-tripping, silent treatment, love bombing)
Chronic criticism or devaluation
Control and isolation
Intermittent reinforcement (hot-cold behavior that confuses you)
Why it matters: Naming it is the first step toward healing.
Detach Emotionally

Even if you can’t leave right away, begin to emotionally detach:
Stop seeking their approval.
Understand their tactics are about control, not love.
See them as emotionally limited, not powerful.
Tip: Journaling or keeping a reality-check notebook helps you stay clear-headed when they try to confuse you.
Set Boundaries

Learn to say no without guilt.
Stop explaining or justifying yourself.
Use the Gray Rock Method (be boring and unreactive around them).
Boundaries may trigger more manipulation at first - but persist.
Break Contact (If Possible)

No Contact is the most effective strategy when safe and possible.
If you must stay in touch (e.g., co-parenting), practice Low Contact with firm boundaries and minimal emotional engagement.
Rebuild Your Identity

Narcissists often erode your self-worth. Reclaim it by:
Reconnecting with hobbies, friends, and passions.
Affirming your values and needs.
Working with a therapist - preferably trauma-informed and familiar with narcissistic abuse.
Seek Support

Trusted friends, online communities, or support groups can validate your experience.
You’re not alone - even if they made you feel that way.
Focus on Healing

Recovery isn’t linear. You may grieve the illusion of who you thought they were.
Learn about C-PTSD (Complex PTSD), a common outcome of narcissistic abuse.
Practice self-compassion. You didn’t “let” this happen - you were targeted.
Educate Yourself

Knowledge is power. Learn about:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Trauma bonding
Inner child healing
Emotional flashbacks
The more you understand, the less control they have over you.

Here are therapy recommendations tailored to healing from narcissistic abuse, grounded in current trauma and abuse recovery practices:
Trauma-Informed Therapy

Look for therapists who specialize in trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery. Key modalities include:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Helps reframe negative self-beliefs implanted by the abuser.
Effective for regaining confidence and stability.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Highly effective for processing trauma and emotional flashbacks.
Can help with lingering effects of gaslighting, fear, and identity confusion.
Internal Family Systems (IFS)

Helps heal the “inner parts” of you wounded by the abuse.
Very effective for restoring self-leadership after identity erosion.
Somatic Experiencing (SE)

Trauma is stored in the body - this therapy gently releases it.
Ideal for survivors with anxiety, panic, or dissociation.
Narcissistic Abuse Specialists

When searching for a therapist:
Look for key phrases like: narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, toxic relationships, or trauma bonding.
Ask if they’re familiar with Cluster B disorders or personality disorders, especially NPD.
Use platforms like:
PsychologyToday.com
TherapyDen.com
Better Help (some therapists specialize in abuse recovery)
Group Therapy or Support Groups

Consider:
Group therapy for survivors of narcissistic or emotional abuse.
Online support communities such as:
Reddit’s r/Narcissistic Abuse
Facebook groups like “Narcissistic Abuse Recovery” or “Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers”
Psychoeducation and Self-Help Tools Books:

In tandem with therapy, these resources can help:
Books:

“The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk (trauma healing)
“Healing from Hidden Abuse” by Shannon Thomas (specifically on narcissistic abuse)
“Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving” by Pete Walker (C-PTSD recovery)
Apps:

Insight Timer - free meditations for trauma
MindDoc - track emotional health
Moodnotes - CBT-based mood tracking
Shervan K Shahhian

Understanding the Patterns of Failure:

Understanding the patterns of failure:

Understanding the patterns of failure means identifying recurring causes, conditions, or behaviors that lead to breakdowns, mistakes, or undesired outcomes in systems, individuals, or organizations. By examining these patterns, we gain insight into how and why things go wrong — and how to prevent similar failures in the future.

Here are some common patterns of failure across different domains:

1. In Systems or Projects

Lack of clear goals or planning
→ Projects fail due to vague objectives or poor initial design.

Scope creep
→ Gradual expansion beyond original goals, leading to resource strain.

Poor communication
→ Misunderstandings among team members or stakeholders.

Ignoring feedback loops
→ Not adjusting based on ongoing results or data.

2. In Personal Behavior or Habits

Repeating unconscious patterns
→ E.g., procrastination, avoidance, or self-sabotage.

Overconfidence bias
→ Underestimating challenges or overestimating abilities.

Fear of failure or success
→ Leading to hesitation, withdrawal, or inaction.

3. In Relationships or Teams

Assuming intentions
→ Misjudging others’ motives instead of clarifying.

Unresolved conflict
→ Letting tension grow instead of addressing it early.

Lack of trust or accountability
→ Weakens collaboration and shared purpose.

4. In Complex Adaptive Systems (e.g., economies, ecosystems)

Over-optimization
→ Systems become brittle and fail when stressed.

Delayed response to change
→ Resistance to adapt can lead to collapse.

Feedback ignored or misinterpreted
→ Early warning signs are missed.

How to Use Failure Patterns Constructively

Analyze post-mortems: After a failure, reflect deeply on what went wrong and why.

Look for recurring triggers: What always seems to precede failure?

Implement systemic changes: Address root causes, not symptoms.

Cultivate antifragility: Build systems or habits that learn from stress and adapt.

Shervan K Shahhian

Understanding Self-Discovery:

Understanding self-discovery:
Self-discovery is the process of gaining insight into your own character, values, beliefs, motivations, and desires. It’s about understanding who you really are beneath social conditioning, expectations, and surface-level identities.

Key Aspects of Self-Discovery:

Self-awareness
Observing your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without judgment.
Understanding how you react to situations and why.
Core values
Identifying what truly matters to you (e.g., freedom, love, truth, creativity).
These values guide your decisions and give your life meaning.
Beliefs and conditioning
Exploring the beliefs you’ve inherited from family, culture, or religion.
Asking: Do these still serve me? or Are they limiting me?
Life purpose and passion
Discovering what activities make you feel most alive and fulfilled.
This can lead to alignment with a deeper sense of purpose.
Shadow work
Acknowledging repressed aspects of yourself (fears, insecurities, past wounds).
Integrating these leads to healing and wholeness.
Authenticity
Living in a way that reflects your inner truth, rather than trying to please others.
Letting go of masks and embracing vulnerability.
How to Begin Self-Discovery:

Journaling: Reflect regularly on your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
Meditation or mindfulness: Cultivate presence and clarity.
Reading or therapy: Gain language and insight into inner dynamics.
Life experiences: Pay attention to what challenges, inspires, or deeply moves you.
Explore subconscious knowledge and inner symbols.
Shervan K Shahhian