How to Manage and Cope with Psychological War Mind Games:

Psychological warfare or “mind games” can be mentally exhausting and disruptive, whether they’re encountered in personal relationships, professional settings, or broader contexts like social or political manipulation.

Here are strategies for managing and coping effectively:

1. Understand the Tactics

• Identify Manipulation: Recognize common mind games, such as gaslighting, guilt-tripping, passive-aggression, or misinformation.
• Stay Educated: Learn about psychological manipulation techniques to spot them quickly and understand their intent.

2. Strengthen Your Emotional Resilience

• Practice Emotional Regulation: Use mindfulness, meditation, or breathing exercises to stay calm under pressure.
• Build Confidence: A strong sense of self-worth makes it harder for others to manipulate you.
• Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist to gain perspective and emotional strength.

3. Establish Clear Boundaries

• Know Your Limits: Be clear about what you will and won’t tolerate.
• Communicate Assertively: Use “I” statements to express your boundaries without aggression (e.g., “I feel uncomfortable when…”).
• Reinforce Boundaries: Consistently uphold your limits, even if the manipulator tests them.

4. Stay Rational and Grounded

• Focus on Facts: Separate emotions from facts and make decisions based on evidence, not emotional provocation.
• Avoid Overreacting: Reacting emotionally can give manipulators leverage; stay composed.
• Document Patterns: Keep track of events and behaviors, especially in work or legal contexts.

5. Detach and Protect Yourself

• Limit Interaction: Reduce contact with individuals or groups that persistently play mind games.
• Stay Private: Share less personal information to reduce vulnerabilities.
• Avoid Retaliation: Escalating the conflict often plays into the manipulator’s strategy.

6. Develop a Strong Support Network

• Surround Yourself with Allies: Build relationships with people who support and affirm you.
• Seek Professional Guidance: A therapist, coach, or mentor can provide strategies to navigate manipulation.

7. Use Critical Thinking

• Question the Motive: Ask yourself, “What does this person want me to believe or do?”
• Evaluate Credibility: Assess whether the source of information or behavior is trustworthy.
• Take Time to Respond: Don’t rush decisions or reactions; deliberate carefully.

8. Prioritize Self-Care

• Maintain Physical Health: Exercise, eat well, and sleep adequately to build resilience.
• Engage in Enjoyable Activities: Pursue hobbies or activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
• Practice Gratitude: Focus on what’s positive in your life to counteract negativity.

9. Confront When Necessary

• Call Out Behavior: If appropriate, calmly and assertively address the manipulator’s tactics.
• Seek Resolution: Engage in constructive dialogue if the relationship is worth salvaging.

10. Know When to Walk Away

• Cut Toxic Ties: If the manipulation persists, consider distancing yourself permanently.
• Protect Your Energy: Prioritize your well-being over maintaining toxic relationships or environments.

Coping with psychological warfare requires a mix of self-awareness, strategic action, and support. Over time, these practices can help you build the mental strength to neutralize mind games effectively.

Shervan K Shahhian

Deceptive Mind Games, a great explanation:

Deceptive mind games are psychological strategies used to manipulate, mislead, or deceive someone, often for personal gain or to assert control in a situation. These tactics play on the vulnerabilities, emotions, or perceptions of the target, creating confusion or a false sense of reality. They can occur in various contexts, such as relationships, business, politics, or negotiations. Some common types of deceptive mind games include:

1. Gaslighting:

• A tactic where the manipulator makes the target doubt their own memory, perception, or reality, making them feel confused or mentally unstable.

2. Love Bombing and Withdrawal:

• Involves overwhelming someone with affection, attention, or promises, only to withdraw suddenly, leaving the person disoriented and insecure.

3. Triangulation:

• Bringing a third party into a conflict or situation to create jealousy, competition, or insecurity in the target.

4. Mirroring:

• Mimicking the target’s behavior, preferences, or attitudes to build rapport and trust, often with the intent of manipulation later on.

5. Playing Victim:

• Manipulating the situation by acting like the victim to gain sympathy, avoid responsibility, or shift blame onto others.

6. Silent Treatment:

• Withholding communication or emotional response to punish or manipulate the target into seeking approval or reconciliation.

7. Feigning Ignorance (Playing Dumb):

• Pretending not to understand something to avoid accountability, gain sympathy, or make the target feel overly responsible.

8. Bait and Switch:

• Initially offering something desirable but changing the offer or terms once the target is committed, leaving them in a disadvantageous position.

9. Creating False Urgency:

• Manipulating the target by fabricating a sense of urgency or scarcity, pressuring them to make hasty decisions that they might later regret.

10. Projection:

• Accusing the target of the manipulator’s own negative traits or actions, shifting focus away from their behavior and onto the victim.

These games are usually manipulative and can be emotionally or mentally harmful, causing confusion, insecurity, or loss of self-esteem in the target.

Examples of gaslighting:

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the perpetrator makes the victim question their own reality, memory, or perceptions. Here are some common examples of gaslighting in various contexts:

1. In Relationships:

• Denial of Conversations or Events:
• Example: A person brings up a previous argument, and the gaslighter says, “That never happened. You’re imagining things,” even though the conversation did take place.
• Invalidating Feelings:
• Example: A partner expresses feeling hurt by something, and the gaslighter responds, “You’re too sensitive. You’re always overreacting,” making the person doubt their emotional responses.
• Blaming the Victim:
• Example: A gaslighter cheats in a relationship, and when confronted, they turn it around by saying, “If you weren’t so paranoid and controlling, I wouldn’t have to lie to you.”

2. At Work:

• Undermining Performance:
• Example: An employee completes a task successfully, but their boss tells them, “You didn’t do it right. I don’t know why you’re always messing up,” even though the task was done correctly.
• Changing Expectations:
• Example: A supervisor assigns a task with vague instructions and, when the employee completes it, criticizes their work and claims, “I told you to do it differently. How could you forget that?”

3. In Friendships:

• Rewriting the Narrative:
• Example: A friend agrees to help with something but then doesn’t show up. When confronted, they respond, “I never said I’d help you. You must be confused.”
• Distorting Facts:
• Example: A gaslighting friend says hurtful things but later denies it, claiming, “I never said that. You’re just being dramatic.”

4. In Family:

• Denial of Abuse or Neglect:
• Example: A parent might say, “I never treated you badly. You had a great childhood,” even though the child experienced abuse or neglect.
• Shifting Blame:
• Example: When confronted about toxic behavior, a family member might say, “You’re always the problem in this family. No one else thinks there’s anything wrong except you.”

5. In Politics or Public Discourse:

• Denial of Facts or History:
• Example: A politician makes a claim, then, when challenged with evidence that contradicts them, they say, “I never said that. You’re misinterpreting what I meant,” despite there being a clear record.
• Redefining Reality:
• Example: A public figure is caught in a scandal, but they respond with, “This is all fake news. You’re being misled by biased sources,” making their audience doubt the credibility of the information.

6. In Medical Settings (Medical Gaslighting):

• Dismissing Symptoms:
• Example: A patient expresses concerns about chronic pain, and the doctor dismisses it, saying, “It’s all in your head. You’re just being anxious,” rather than investigating the underlying cause.
• Minimizing Health Issues:
• Example: A person feels they are not being taken seriously about a health issue, but their healthcare provider says, “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just exaggerating,” leading the person to doubt their own health concerns.

7. In Public or Social Situations:

• Denying Hurtful Behavior in Front of Others:
• Example: A person insults someone publicly, but later, when confronted privately, they say, “I was just joking. Everyone else laughed. You’re just too sensitive,” making the person doubt if they were really hurt or overreacting.

In all of these examples, the gaslighter’s goal is to distort the victim’s sense of reality, often to manipulate, control, or escape accountability. This can lead to the victim feeling confused, dependent, and even doubting their own judgment or sanity.

Why do people gaslight:

People gaslight for various reasons, often linked to their own emotional needs, insecurities, or desire for control. While each gaslighter’s motives can vary, here are some common reasons why people engage in gaslighting:

1. To Gain Control and Power:

• Gaslighting allows the manipulator to dominate the victim by making them question their own reality and judgment. When someone begins to doubt their perceptions, they become more reliant on the gaslighter for their sense of reality, giving the gaslighter significant influence.

2. To Avoid Accountability:

• By distorting reality and making the victim feel responsible for misunderstandings or conflicts, gaslighters avoid taking responsibility for their own actions or mistakes. For example, a person who cheats in a relationship might gaslight their partner by denying it or accusing the partner of being paranoid to deflect blame.

3. To Preserve a False Self-Image:

• Gaslighters often have fragile egos or narcissistic tendencies. They may gaslight others to maintain a façade of perfection, competence, or superiority. By undermining others’ perceptions, they protect their image and avoid facing their own flaws or inadequacies.

4. To Gain Emotional Validation or Sympathy:

• Some gaslighters play the victim in order to garner sympathy or emotional support. By making others feel guilty or responsible for imagined wrongs, they manipulate situations to get attention or validation.

5. As a Learned Behavior:

• Gaslighting can be a learned behavior, especially if someone grew up in a manipulative or dysfunctional environment where this kind of psychological manipulation was common. In this case, they may unconsciously repeat patterns they have seen or experienced.

6. To Create Confusion and Disorientation:

• Gaslighters often want to keep their victims off-balance. When people are confused or unsure of their perceptions, they become easier to manipulate. The more uncertain the victim feels, the more likely they are to rely on the gaslighter for guidance, making them vulnerable to further manipulation.

7. To Maintain Control in Relationships:

• In personal relationships, particularly abusive ones, gaslighting can be used to erode a partner’s confidence and independence. By making their partner question their worth, decisions, or sanity, the gaslighter can keep them dependent, isolated, and less likely to challenge the abusive behavior.

8. For Psychological or Emotional Manipulation:

• Gaslighters may enjoy the psychological games they play and the emotional turmoil they create. For some, manipulating others into questioning themselves can be a way of feeling superior or in control, fulfilling a need for dominance or validation.

9. As a Defense Mechanism:

• In some cases, people gaslight as a defense mechanism to cope with their own insecurities or anxiety. By projecting their own flaws, guilt, or shortcomings onto others, they shield themselves from facing uncomfortable truths about their own behavior.

10. To Control Perceptions of Others:

• In professional or social settings, gaslighting can be used to damage someone’s reputation or credibility. By making others doubt a person’s competence or reliability, the gaslighter can influence how others perceive that person, often for personal gain, such as to gain a promotion or power in the workplace.

11. To Maintain Denial of an Inconvenient Truth:

• Sometimes, gaslighters may be deeply uncomfortable with a reality they don’t want to face. Instead of confronting a difficult situation (such as infidelity, addiction, or personal failure), they twist facts and reality to deny that the problem exists, forcing the victim to question the truth.

12. Narcissistic Personality:

• People with narcissistic traits or full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) often gaslight others to maintain their sense of superiority and entitlement. Narcissists use gaslighting as a tool to manipulate their environment and reinforce their belief that they are always right or superior to others.

In summary, gaslighting serves the gaslighter’s needs, whether those needs are for power, control, validation, or avoidance of responsibility. It is a destructive form of manipulation that has profound psychological effects on the victim, making them doubt their sense of reality and eroding their confidence and self-worth.

Signs I’m being gaslit:

Recognizing that you’re being gaslit can be challenging because gaslighting is designed to make you doubt your own perceptions and reality. However, there are common signs that can help you identify if you’re being gaslit:

1. Constant Self-Doubt:

• You frequently question your own judgment, memory, or sanity, even in situations where you used to feel confident.
• Example: You wonder, “Am I being too sensitive?” or “Did that really happen the way I remember?”

2. Feeling Confused or Disoriented:

• You often feel confused or second-guess yourself in conversations, even after simple exchanges. The manipulator may twist facts or deny things that happened, leaving you uncertain about what is true.
• Example: You start feeling unsure about your own perceptions or begin doubting your decisions, even though you previously felt sure of them.

3. Constant Apologizing:

• You find yourself apologizing frequently, even when you’re not at fault, because you’re made to feel responsible for things going wrong.
• Example: You apologize for things you didn’t do, like, “I’m sorry if I misunderstood you” or “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

4. Feeling Isolated:

• The gaslighter may try to isolate you from friends, family, or other support systems by suggesting that others don’t care about you or are lying to you.
• Example: They might say, “Your friends don’t understand you like I do,” or “Your family is only making things worse.”

5. Second-Guessing Everything:

• You start questioning even the most basic decisions or beliefs, such as what to wear, how to act, or what you believe is right or wrong.
• Example: You become increasingly dependent on the gaslighter for validation and approval because you’re unsure of your own choices.

6. Feeling Like You’re “Walking on Eggshells”:

• You feel anxious around the person gaslighting you, constantly trying to avoid conflict or upset. You adjust your behavior to avoid triggering their criticism or manipulation.
• Example: You change your behavior or downplay your thoughts because you’re worried they’ll react negatively or accuse you of being overly emotional.

7. They Frequently Deny or Distort Reality:

• The gaslighter denies that certain events happened or dismisses your feelings by saying things like, “That never happened,” “You’re making things up,” or “You’re imagining things.”
• Example: You recall a conversation where they insulted you, but they completely deny it, leaving you confused.

8. Feeling Disconnected from Your Own Identity:

• You might feel like you’ve lost a sense of who you are, what you believe, or what you want because the gaslighter has made you question so many aspects of your life.
• Example: You no longer recognize yourself because your thoughts and actions are constantly influenced by the other person’s manipulation.

9. Inconsistent Feedback:

• The gaslighter gives you mixed messages, praising you one minute and then criticizing or demeaning you the next. This leaves you feeling constantly off-balance and unsure of where you stand.
• Example: They might tell you, “You’re amazing,” but later criticize or belittle you for small mistakes, making you feel unworthy.

10. Feeling Like Something is “Off”:

• Even if you can’t quite put your finger on it, you have a persistent feeling that something is wrong or that you’re being manipulated. However, you can’t always point to a clear reason for this feeling.
• Example: You sense that you’re being treated unfairly, but every time you try to express it, the other person dismisses your concerns or makes you feel like you’re overreacting.

11. Constantly Being Blamed:

• The gaslighter makes everything your fault, even when it’s clearly not. They might twist events to make you feel guilty, responsible, or like the “bad guy” in every situation.
• Example: They say things like, “If you hadn’t acted that way, this wouldn’t have happened,” even when their own behavior caused the problem.

12. Feeling Emotionally Drained:

• Gaslighting can take a heavy emotional toll, leaving you feeling exhausted, anxious, or depressed because you’re constantly questioning yourself and trying to figure out what’s real.
• Example: After interactions with the gaslighter, you feel emotionally depleted and unsure of yourself, your relationships, and your life.

13. Your Concerns Are Dismissed:

• When you try to confront the gaslighter about their behavior or express how you feel, they minimize your concerns, make you feel silly for bringing them up, or accuse you of overreacting.
• Example: They might say, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing” or “You’re just being dramatic.”

14. Feeling Dependent on the Gaslighter:

• Over time, you may feel increasingly dependent on the gaslighter for approval, emotional validation, or decision-making because your self-confidence has been eroded.
• Example: You feel like you need their permission or opinion before making any decisions, even minor ones.

15. They Use Others to Validate Their Behavior:

• The gaslighter might manipulate the opinions of others or use triangulation (bringing in a third party) to reinforce their version of events or make you feel isolated.
• Example: They might say, “Everyone thinks you’re acting crazy,” or, “Even your friends agree with me.”

How to Respond:

If you recognize these signs in your life, it’s important to:

• Trust your instincts: If something feels wrong, don’t ignore that feeling.
• Seek outside perspectives: Talk to trusted friends or family members to get an objective view of the situation.
• Set boundaries: Firmly state your reality and refuse to accept distortions of the truth.
• Get professional help: Therapy or counseling can help you rebuild your confidence and navigate the effects of gaslighting.

Recognizing the signs is the first step to protecting yourself and regaining control over your thoughts, emotions, and sense of reality.

How do I stop gaslighting:

Stopping gaslighting, whether you’re experiencing it from someone else or recognize gaslighting tendencies in yourself, requires a combination of strategies to protect your mental health, establish boundaries, and regain control over your reality. Here’s how you can stop gaslighting in different scenarios:

1. Recognize the Gaslighting:

• The first and most crucial step is recognizing that you are being gaslit. This often involves identifying patterns of manipulation where someone distorts reality, makes you question your judgment, or dismisses your feelings. Awareness helps you stop internalizing the gaslighter’s false narrative.

2. Trust Your Perceptions:

• Gaslighters try to make you doubt your own reality. Start rebuilding trust in your own thoughts, memories, and feelings. Keep a mental (or written) reminder that your perceptions are valid, even if the gaslighter tries to convince you otherwise.
• Action Step: Keep a journal to document specific events, conversations, or interactions. This written record can help you verify your reality and resist the distortions.

3. Set Boundaries:

• Clearly communicate boundaries with the person gaslighting you. Let them know what kind of behavior you will no longer tolerate and be consistent in enforcing those limits.
• Example: If the gaslighter denies something you remember clearly, you can say, “We remember this situation differently, but I know what I experienced, and I won’t engage in this conversation anymore.”

4. Avoid Arguing About Reality:

• Gaslighters often thrive on getting you to argue and defend your version of events, which can leave you more confused. Instead of debating with them, state your reality confidently and refuse to engage in circular arguments.
• Example: Instead of trying to convince them, say something like, “I know what happened, and I don’t need to prove it to you.”

5. Limit Emotional Reactions:

• Gaslighters often manipulate emotions to get a reaction from you. If you can maintain emotional distance and avoid reacting in ways that fuel their manipulation, they may have less power over you.
• Action Step: Stay calm and composed when responding, and don’t let them see that their tactics are working.

6. Seek External Support:

• Gaslighting often isolates the victim, so it’s essential to reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can provide objective perspectives. They can help you regain confidence in your perceptions and give you a reality check when you feel confused.
• Example: Confide in a close friend or family member about what you’re experiencing. Their insights can reinforce your sense of reality.

7. Strengthen Your Self-Esteem:

• Gaslighters often target people’s insecurities, so boosting your self-esteem can help you become more resilient to their tactics. Engage in activities that reinforce your self-worth, such as practicing self-care, pursuing personal goals, and surrounding yourself with positive people.
• Action Step: List your strengths, accomplishments, and what you value about yourself. Regularly remind yourself of these qualities to build your self-confidence.

8. Establish Clear Communication:

• Be direct in your communication, stating your thoughts and feelings without allowing the gaslighter to twist your words. Avoid long explanations, as gaslighters tend to exploit ambiguity or over-explanation.
• Example: Say, “I know how I feel, and I am not interested in debating it.”

9. Focus on Actions, Not Words:

• Gaslighters may say one thing but behave in a completely different way. Pay attention to their actions rather than their words, and use those actions to guide your decisions.
• Example: If someone apologizes but continues to manipulate or undermine you, focus on the fact that their behavior hasn’t changed.

10. Don’t Internalize Blame:

• Gaslighters often make you feel like everything is your fault. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for their actions or manipulations. Recognize when the blame is being unfairly shifted onto you.
• Action Step: Repeat affirmations such as, “I am not responsible for someone else’s bad behavior,” or “I know what I experienced is real.”

11. Limit Exposure to the Gaslighter:

• If possible, reduce your interactions with the person gaslighting you. The less time you spend in their presence, the less opportunity they have to manipulate you.
• Example: Avoid unnecessary conversations or interactions, especially when they are likely to lead to manipulation or confusion.

12. Leave the Situation if Necessary:

• In extreme cases of gaslighting, especially in toxic relationships, the best solution may be to leave the situation or relationship entirely. Gaslighting can be emotionally abusive, and protecting your mental and emotional health is a priority.
• Action Step: If you’re unable to stop the gaslighting or feel trapped, consider seeking professional help or making an exit plan.

13. Therapy or Counseling:

• Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can help you process the effects of gaslighting, rebuild your self-confidence, and develop coping strategies. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and regain control over your life.
• Action Step: Find a therapist who specializes in emotional abuse or manipulation to guide you through the recovery process.

14. Educate Yourself About Gaslighting:

• Understanding the dynamics of gaslighting can help you see through manipulative behaviors more clearly. The more you know, the better you’ll be at recognizing and stopping gaslighting in its tracks.
• Action Step: Read books, articles, or seek support groups that focus on gaslighting and emotional abuse.

If You Notice Gaslighting in Yourself:

If you recognize gaslighting tendencies in your own behavior, it’s important to take accountability and change the pattern. Here’s how:

• Acknowledge the behavior: Realize that gaslighting, whether intentional or not, is harmful.
• Seek self-awareness: Reflect on why you gaslight and whether it’s linked to insecurities or the need for control.
• Apologize and change: If you’ve been gaslighting others, take responsibility for it and make a conscious effort to stop. Apologize sincerely and work on healthier communication habits.
• Consider therapy: Therapy can help you understand your motivations and develop healthier ways of interacting with others.

Stopping gaslighting requires recognizing it, setting boundaries, and protecting yourself emotionally. It’s essential to surround yourself with supportive people and maintain a strong sense of self. Healing from gaslighting can take time, but by taking proactive steps, you can regain confidence and break free from manipulation.

How to confront gaslighter:

Confronting a gaslighter can be challenging, especially because they often twist conversations to make you question your reality or shift the blame back to you. However, with careful preparation, you can confront a gaslighter effectively without getting pulled into their manipulative tactics. Here’s how to approach it:

1. Prepare Yourself Emotionally:

• Before confronting a gaslighter, ensure you’re emotionally grounded. Understand that they may try to manipulate the conversation or deny their behavior, so be prepared for a defensive or dismissive response.
• Action Step: Practice mindfulness, deep breathing, or other techniques to stay calm and centered during the confrontation.

2. Be Clear About What Happened:

• Gaslighters often rely on distorting past events, so before confronting them, have a clear sense of the specific behaviors or incidents you’re addressing. Documenting these events can help you stay focused on the facts.
• Example: You might say, “On [specific date], you said [specific thing], and when I brought it up later, you denied ever saying it.”

3. Stay Firm in Your Reality:

• When you confront a gaslighter, don’t let them convince you that your feelings or experiences are wrong. State your perspective confidently and avoid giving them room to twist your words.
• Example: Instead of saying, “I might be wrong, but…” say, “I know what I experienced, and it was hurtful when you [specific behavior].”

4. Use “I” Statements:

• Frame your confrontation around your feelings and experiences rather than accusing or attacking. This reduces the chance of them becoming overly defensive and shifting the blame back onto you.
• Example: Say, “I feel hurt when you deny things that I know happened,” rather than “You’re always lying to me.”

5. Stick to the Facts:

• Gaslighters often try to derail conversations with emotional manipulation, accusations, or changing the subject. Stay focused on the specific instances of gaslighting, and don’t let them lead you into unrelated arguments.
• Action Step: If they try to divert the conversation, bring it back by saying, “That’s not what we’re talking about right now. I want to discuss [specific issue].”

6. Avoid Emotional Reactivity:

• Gaslighters often provoke emotional responses to gain control over the situation. They might deny, deflect, or become defensive. Staying calm and emotionally detached will make it harder for them to manipulate the situation.
• Action Step: Practice non-reactive responses like, “I understand you feel that way, but that doesn’t change my experience,” to avoid escalating the conversation.

7. Set Boundaries:

• Establishing clear boundaries is crucial when dealing with a gaslighter. Let them know what behaviors are unacceptable and what the consequences will be if they continue gaslighting you.
• Example: “If you keep denying my feelings or distorting reality, I will not engage in this conversation anymore.”

8. Limit the Interaction If Necessary:

• If the gaslighter refuses to take accountability or becomes manipulative during the confrontation, it may be necessary to end the conversation. Walking away can help protect your mental health and prevent further gaslighting.
• Action Step: If they continue to gaslight, say, “I don’t want to continue this conversation right now because we’re not getting anywhere. I’ll talk to you when we can have a respectful discussion.”

9. Be Ready for Deflection and Denial:

• Gaslighters are likely to deny, downplay, or blame you for the very things you’re confronting them about. They might say things like, “You’re being too sensitive,” or, “I never said that.” Be prepared for this and don’t let it undermine your confidence.
• Action Step: Respond with statements like, “I’m not asking you to agree, but this is how I feel, and I need you to respect that.”

10. Stay Focused on Solutions:

• Instead of getting stuck in a back-and-forth argument, guide the conversation toward how you both can move forward. If the gaslighter acknowledges their behavior, suggest ways to improve communication.
• Example: “I want us to communicate better. Going forward, we need to be more respectful of each other’s feelings and memories.”

11. Trust Your Instincts:

• Gaslighters will try to make you question your reality, so trust your gut. If something feels off, acknowledge it, even if the gaslighter is trying to convince you otherwise.
• Action Step: Reinforce your own perceptions by reminding yourself, “I know what happened, and I don’t need anyone to validate my experience.”

12. Get Support:

• Sometimes, confronting a gaslighter on your own can be overwhelming. Consider having someone you trust with you during the conversation, or talk through your concerns with a trusted friend or therapist before confronting the gaslighter.
• Action Step: Before the confrontation, share your thoughts with a supportive person who can offer perspective and validation.

13. Know When to Walk Away:

• Not all gaslighters will take responsibility for their behavior, and sometimes the healthiest option is to distance yourself from the relationship, especially if the gaslighting is persistent or abusive.
• Action Step: If the gaslighter continues their behavior despite your confrontation and boundaries, consider whether it’s best to limit or end the relationship for your mental and emotional well-being.

Example of Confronting a Gaslighter:

You: “Last week, we had a conversation where you told me [specific statement], but later, you completely denied it. It left me feeling confused and hurt.”

Gaslighter: “I never said that. You must be remembering wrong.”

You: “I know what I heard, and it’s not helpful when you deny something that happened. I need you to acknowledge my feelings, even if you remember things differently.”

Gaslighter: “You’re just being too sensitive.”

You: “I don’t think I’m being too sensitive. I’m telling you how your words and actions affected me, and I need you to respect that. If we can’t have a productive conversation, I will step away.”

Confronting a gaslighter requires staying grounded in your reality, being clear and assertive, and refusing to be drawn into their manipulative tactics. Set firm boundaries, protect your mental health, and be prepared to walk away if the gaslighting continues.

How to recover:

Recovering from gaslighting can be a challenging and emotional journey, but it is possible to rebuild your sense of self, trust in your perceptions, and regain emotional strength. Here’s how to begin the healing process after experiencing gaslighting:

1. Acknowledge the Gaslighting:

• Understanding what happened is the first step. Accept that you were manipulated and that your confusion, self-doubt, and emotional pain are valid responses to gaslighting. Acknowledge that the behavior you experienced was not your fault.
• Action Step: Say to yourself, “I was manipulated, but I am not to blame for what happened.”

2. Rebuild Trust in Your Own Perceptions:

• Gaslighting can leave you doubting your reality, but it’s essential to start trusting your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences again. Recognize that your perceptions are valid, even if the gaslighter made you feel otherwise.
• Action Step: Reflect on past events without the influence of the gaslighter. Writing things down or talking them through with someone you trust can help you reconnect with your own sense of reality.

3. Seek Professional Help:

• Therapy is an excellent way to process the emotional damage caused by gaslighting. A therapist can help you untangle the manipulation, validate your experiences, and teach you coping strategies to rebuild your self-confidence.
• Action Step: Find a therapist who specializes in emotional abuse, trauma, or manipulation to guide you through your recovery.

4. Validate Your Emotions:

• Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions — anger, sadness, confusion, betrayal, etc. — that come from recognizing you’ve been gaslit. Suppressing these emotions can prolong the healing process.
• Action Step: Journal about your feelings or speak openly about them with a trusted friend, therapist, or support group. Acknowledge that your emotions are valid and part of the healing process.

5. Reconnect with Supportive People:

• Gaslighters often isolate their victims, making it essential to reconnect with friends, family, or supportive individuals who can help reaffirm your sense of reality and self-worth.
• Action Step: Reach out to people who you trust and who make you feel valued and heard. Rebuilding a strong support system will help you feel more grounded.

6. Rebuild Your Self-Esteem:

• Gaslighting can erode your self-esteem, making you question your worth and abilities. Focus on activities and experiences that boost your confidence and remind you of your strengths.
• Action Step: Make a list of your accomplishments, skills, and positive qualities. Engage in hobbies or pursuits that make you feel capable and successful.

7. Set Boundaries with the Gaslighter:

• If you’re still in contact with the person who gaslit you, set firm boundaries to protect your mental health. Limit interactions, avoid situations where you could be manipulated, and assert your needs clearly.
• Action Step: You might say, “I won’t engage in conversations where my reality is being questioned,” or “I need space to heal, so I’m limiting our interactions.”

8. Challenge Negative Thoughts:

• Gaslighting often leaves you with negative self-talk, such as “I’m too sensitive” or “I’m always wrong.” Challenge these thoughts by reminding yourself that these are the effects of manipulation, not the truth.
• Action Step: When a negative thought arises, counter it with positive affirmations like, “My feelings are valid,” or “I am capable and trustworthy.”

9. Avoid Self-Blame:

• It’s common for gaslighting victims to blame themselves for not recognizing the manipulation earlier. Understand that gaslighting is designed to be subtle and confusing. The responsibility lies with the gaslighter, not you.
• Action Step: Practice self-compassion. When you catch yourself blaming yourself, remind yourself that no one deserves to be manipulated or emotionally abused.

10. Reestablish Your Identity:

• Gaslighting can cause you to lose a sense of who you are. Take time to reconnect with your identity, values, beliefs, and passions.
• Action Step: Reflect on what’s important to you outside of the gaslighting relationship. What do you enjoy? What do you believe in? What goals do you want to pursue? Explore these aspects of yourself through journaling, meditation, or creative activities.

11. Practice Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques:

• Gaslighting can create a persistent sense of confusion and disorientation. Mindfulness and grounding exercises can help you stay present and connected to your reality.
• Action Step: Try mindfulness meditation, deep breathing, or grounding exercises like focusing on your surroundings and physical sensations to bring yourself back to the present moment.

12. Give Yourself Time to Heal:

• Recovery from gaslighting isn’t quick or linear. Be patient with yourself as you work through the emotional fallout. Healing can take time, and it’s okay to have setbacks along the way.
• Action Step: Acknowledge small victories in your recovery process, like trusting your own decisions again or setting boundaries. Celebrate these moments as signs of progress.

13. Learn About Gaslighting:

• Educating yourself about gaslighting and emotional manipulation can help you make sense of your experience and prevent it from happening again.
• Action Step: Read books or articles on gaslighting, attend support groups, or talk to a therapist to deepen your understanding of this form of abuse.

14. Limit Rumination:

• It’s easy to fall into the trap of endlessly replaying gaslighting incidents in your mind, but excessive rumination can hinder healing. Try to focus on the present and your path forward rather than dwelling on past interactions.
• Action Step: When you catch yourself ruminating, redirect your attention to something positive or constructive, like a hobby, self-care, or connecting with loved ones.

15. Reconnect with Your Intuition:

• Gaslighting undermines your ability to trust your gut instincts. Start tuning back into your intuition and trusting your inner voice.
• Action Step: Practice listening to your instincts in small, low-stakes situations. As you rebuild trust in your intuition, you’ll become more confident in making decisions based on your internal guidance.

16. Forgive Yourself:

• It’s important to practice self-forgiveness. You may feel regret for not recognizing the manipulation sooner, but understand that gaslighting is a gradual, insidious form of abuse. Forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes and focus on moving forward.
• Action Step: Write yourself a letter of forgiveness, acknowledging the strength it took to survive the gaslighting and recognizing your courage in moving toward healing.

Recovering from gaslighting is about reclaiming your sense of self, rebuilding your trust in your own perceptions, and surrounding yourself with support. Through therapy, self-care, and setting boundaries, you can regain confidence and heal from the emotional wounds of gaslighting. Take it one step at a time, and remember that healing is a journey, not a destination.

How to regain trust:

Regaining trust, whether in yourself, others, or relationships after experiencing gaslighting or other forms of betrayal, takes time, self-reflection, and intentional effort. Here’s how to rebuild trust after gaslighting or emotional manipulation:

1. Start with Trusting Yourself:

• Gaslighting often makes you doubt your own judgment and perceptions. To rebuild trust in others, you must first regain trust in yourself — your thoughts, feelings, and instincts.
• Action Step: Reflect on times when your instincts were right. Reaffirm your ability to perceive reality by journaling your thoughts and experiences to create a tangible record of events.

2. Give Yourself Time:

• Trust, especially after betrayal or manipulation, cannot be rebuilt overnight. Allow yourself to heal at your own pace, without rushing the process.
• Action Step: Set realistic expectations for how long it may take to regain trust. Remind yourself that it’s okay to take time and that healing is not linear.

3. Forgive Yourself for Being Vulnerable:

• Many people feel self-blame after experiencing gaslighting, believing they should have “seen it coming.” Recognize that anyone can be vulnerable to manipulation and that it’s not your fault.
• Action Step: Write down any feelings of guilt or self-blame, then actively practice self-forgiveness. Remind yourself that being vulnerable is not a weakness.

4. Rebuild Self-Esteem:

• Gaslighting can erode your sense of self-worth. Rebuilding trust starts with affirming your own value and capabilities.
• Action Step: Engage in activities that make you feel competent and confident. Reflect on your strengths and accomplishments, and surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

5. Set Healthy Boundaries:

• Establishing clear boundaries is crucial when rebuilding trust in relationships. Boundaries protect you from further harm and help you feel secure as you rebuild trust in others.
• Action Step: Clearly communicate your boundaries with others, such as saying, “I need you to be honest with me, even when it’s difficult,” or “I need space to process my feelings.” Be consistent in enforcing these boundaries.

6. Take Small Steps:

• Rebuilding trust doesn’t have to happen all at once. Start small — whether it’s trusting your intuition or trusting others with minor things — and gradually increase as you feel more secure.
• Action Step: Identify one small way you can practice trusting yourself or others. For example, trust your intuition in a minor decision, or trust a friend with a personal detail.

7. Communicate Openly and Honestly:

• Clear, open communication is essential for rebuilding trust in relationships. If you’re rebuilding trust with someone, talk openly about your needs, expectations, and concerns.
• Action Step: Have honest conversations with the person you’re rebuilding trust with. Be clear about what you need from them to feel safe, and listen to their concerns as well.

8. Look for Consistency in Actions:

• Trust is built through consistent, trustworthy behavior over time. Pay attention to whether others’ actions align with their words, and use this to gauge whether you can trust them.
• Action Step: Observe how people behave over time. Do they follow through on their promises? Are they reliable? Focus on actions, not just words, to determine whether trust can be rebuilt.

9. Establish Accountability:

• When rebuilding trust with someone, it’s important that both parties take responsibility for their actions. If they gaslit or betrayed you, they must show accountability and work on their behavior.
• Action Step: If you’re rebuilding trust with a person, ask them to take responsibility for their past actions and discuss ways to prevent similar issues in the future. Acknowledge your role, if any, in the dynamic as well.

10. Work with a Therapist:

• A therapist can help you process the trauma of gaslighting and guide you in rebuilding trust. Therapy is especially helpful if you’re struggling to trust yourself or if you’re trying to repair trust in a relationship.
• Action Step: Consider individual or couples therapy to help navigate the complexities of rebuilding trust. Therapy can provide tools for better communication, setting boundaries, and processing emotions.

11. Focus on Forgiveness (If Appropriate):

• Forgiving someone doesn’t mean excusing their behavior, but it can help you release anger and resentment that may block the rebuilding of trust. Forgiveness is more about your own healing than the other person’s actions.
• Action Step: If you feel ready, work on forgiving the person who betrayed you. This could mean letting go of the emotional hold they have on you. However, only forgive if it feels right for your healing process.

12. Build a Support Network:

• Rebuilding trust often requires the support of others who reinforce your sense of reality and offer encouragement. Surround yourself with people who have consistently shown that they care about you.
• Action Step: Lean on supportive friends, family, or support groups where you can express your feelings and receive encouragement during the healing process.

13. Be Patient with Yourself and Others:

• It’s normal to feel hesitant about trusting again. If you’re rebuilding trust in a relationship, both you and the other person need to understand that it will take time, and there will be ups and downs.
• Action Step: Practice patience with yourself as you rebuild trust in your own instincts, and with others if they are working to regain your trust. Acknowledge small steps of progress.

14. Develop Emotional Resilience:

• Strengthening your emotional resilience helps protect you from future manipulations or betrayals. By building self-confidence and coping strategies, you’ll be better equipped to handle challenges that arise.
• Action Step: Practice resilience-building strategies like mindfulness, self-care, and seeking help when needed. These tools will help you trust yourself and navigate future relationships with more clarity.

15. Know When to Walk Away:

• Sometimes, it’s not possible to rebuild trust, especially if the person continues harmful behaviors or refuses to take accountability. In such cases, protecting yourself by leaving the relationship may be necessary for your well-being.
• Action Step: Assess whether the person or relationship is worth the effort of rebuilding trust. If not, prioritize your emotional health and consider stepping away.

Final Thought

Rebuilding trust is a gradual process that starts with trusting yourself and your perceptions. By setting boundaries, taking small steps, and seeking support, you can regain your confidence and build healthier, more trustworthy relationships. Be patient with the journey — it takes time, but you will emerge stronger.

Shervan K Shahhian