If your experience involves Narcissistic Abuse, how can you survive it:
Surviving narcissistic abuse can be incredibly difficult, but it is possible - and many people not only survive, but grow stronger and more self-aware afterward. 
Here’s a grounded, practical guide to surviving narcissistic abuse, emotionally and psychologically:
Recognize the Abuse

Narcissistic abuse often involves:
Gaslighting (making you doubt your reality)
Emotional manipulation (guilt-tripping, silent treatment, love bombing)
Chronic criticism or devaluation
Control and isolation
Intermittent reinforcement (hot-cold behavior that confuses you)
Why it matters: Naming it is the first step toward healing.
Detach Emotionally

Even if you can’t leave right away, begin to emotionally detach:
Stop seeking their approval.
Understand their tactics are about control, not love.
See them as emotionally limited, not powerful.
Tip: Journaling or keeping a reality-check notebook helps you stay clear-headed when they try to confuse you.
Set Boundaries

Learn to say no without guilt.
Stop explaining or justifying yourself.
Use the Gray Rock Method (be boring and unreactive around them).
Boundaries may trigger more manipulation at first - but persist.
Break Contact (If Possible)

No Contact is the most effective strategy when safe and possible.
If you must stay in touch (e.g., co-parenting), practice Low Contact with firm boundaries and minimal emotional engagement.
Rebuild Your Identity

Narcissists often erode your self-worth. Reclaim it by:
Reconnecting with hobbies, friends, and passions.
Affirming your values and needs.
Working with a therapist - preferably trauma-informed and familiar with narcissistic abuse.
Seek Support

Trusted friends, online communities, or support groups can validate your experience.
You’re not alone - even if they made you feel that way.
Focus on Healing

Recovery isn’t linear. You may grieve the illusion of who you thought they were.
Learn about C-PTSD (Complex PTSD), a common outcome of narcissistic abuse.
Practice self-compassion. You didn’t “let” this happen - you were targeted.
Educate Yourself

Knowledge is power. Learn about:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Trauma bonding
Inner child healing
Emotional flashbacks
The more you understand, the less control they have over you.

Here are therapy recommendations tailored to healing from narcissistic abuse, grounded in current trauma and abuse recovery practices:
 Trauma-Informed Therapy

Look for therapists who specialize in trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery. Key modalities include:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Helps reframe negative self-beliefs implanted by the abuser.
Effective for regaining confidence and stability.
 Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Highly effective for processing trauma and emotional flashbacks.
Can help with lingering effects of gaslighting, fear, and identity confusion.
Internal Family Systems (IFS)

Helps heal the “inner parts” of you wounded by the abuse.
Very effective for restoring self-leadership after identity erosion.
Somatic Experiencing (SE)

Trauma is stored in the body - this therapy gently releases it.
Ideal for survivors with anxiety, panic, or dissociation.
Narcissistic Abuse Specialists

When searching for a therapist:
Look for key phrases like: narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, toxic relationships, or trauma bonding.
Ask if they’re familiar with Cluster B disorders or personality disorders, especially NPD.
Use platforms like:
PsychologyToday.com
TherapyDen.com
Better Help (some therapists specialize in abuse recovery)
Group Therapy or Support Groups

Consider:
Group therapy for survivors of narcissistic or emotional abuse.
Online support communities such as:
Reddit’s r/Narcissistic Abuse
Facebook groups like “Narcissistic Abuse Recovery” or “Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers”
Psychoeducation and Self-Help Tools Books:

In tandem with therapy, these resources can help:
Books:

“The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk (trauma healing)
“Healing from Hidden Abuse” by Shannon Thomas (specifically on narcissistic abuse)
“Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving” by Pete Walker (C-PTSD recovery)
Apps:

Insight Timer - free meditations for trauma
MindDoc - track emotional health
Moodnotes - CBT-based mood tracking
Shervan K Shahhian

Self-Obsession, can it be cured:

Self-obsession isn’t necessarily something that needs to be “cured” like a disease, but it can be managed and transformed into a healthier form of self-awareness and self-growth. If it reaches an extreme where it interferes with relationships, work, or overall well-being, addressing it through self-reflection, therapy, or behavioral changes can help.

Ways to Overcome Self-Obsession:

1. Develop Self-Awareness — Recognize when your thoughts and actions are overly self-focused. Journaling or mindfulness can help.
2. Practice Empathy — Engage in active listening and try to understand others’ perspectives. Volunteering or helping others can shift focus away from the self.
3. Challenge Negative Thought Patterns — Cognitive-behavioral techniques can help break self-centered worries and ruminations.
4. Engage in Meaningful Activities — Pursuing hobbies, creative work, or learning new skills can redirect focus outward.
5. Seek Professional Help if Needed — Therapy (like cognitive-behavioral therapy) can help address deeper issues driving self-obsession, such as insecurity or trauma.
6. Cultivate Gratitude — Keeping a gratitude journal can shift the focus from oneself to appreciation for others and life in general.

If self-obsession is driven by narcissism, the approach to overcoming it depends on its severity. Narcissism exists on a spectrum, from mild traits to full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). While deeply ingrained narcissistic traits can be difficult to change, self-awareness, accountability, and therapy can help manage and reduce their impact.

Can Narcissism Be Cured?

• Mild narcissistic traits (e.g., self-absorption, need for validation) can be managed through self-reflection, humility, and intentional personal growth.
• Severe narcissism (NPD) is a personality disorder, meaning it’s deeply ingrained in a person’s psyche. While it cannot be “cured” like a disease, it can be treated with therapy, particularly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), or Schema Therapy.
• The biggest challenge is that many narcissists don’t recognize their own issues and resist change. Those who truly want to improve can make progress, but it requires consistent effort and professional help.

Steps to Overcome Narcissistic Self-Obsession:

1. Develop Self-Awareness — Recognize narcissistic behaviors and how they impact others.
2. Practice Empathy — Make a conscious effort to understand others’ emotions and perspectives.
3. Challenge Grandiosity — Accept that perfection is unattainable and that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.
4. Take Responsibility — Acknowledge mistakes rather than shifting blame or seeking external validation.
5. Seek Therapy — A therapist can help address deep-rooted insecurities and defense mechanisms.
6. Build Meaningful Relationships — Focus on genuine connections rather than admiration-based interactions.
7. Reduce External Validation Seeking — Learn to find inner fulfillment rather than depending on others’ praise.

Shervan K Shahhian

Narcissistic behavior and Mental Health concerns may be accepted or ignored within extremist religious communities, why:

The acceptance or ignorance of narcissistic behavior and mental health concerns within extremist religious communities can be influenced by a variety of factors, including cultural, social, and religious dynamics. It’s important to note that individual experiences within these communities may vary, and generalizations might not capture the diversity of beliefs and practices.

Here are some potential reasons why such behaviors may be accepted or ignored:

Authoritarian structures: Extremist religious communities often have hierarchical and authoritarian structures, where leaders hold significant power and authority. This may create an environment where challenging or questioning the behavior of leaders is discouraged, even if it appears narcissistic. Members might feel compelled to accept such behavior due to a strong emphasis on obedience and conformity.

Cultural norms: Cultural norms within certain religious communities may prioritize loyalty, unity, and adherence to traditional values. This can lead to the downplaying or denial of mental health concerns and narcissistic behavior as a means of preserving the community’s image and cohesion.

Fear of consequences: Members of extremist religious communities might fear negative consequences, such as ostracism or excommunication, if they speak out against leaders displaying narcissistic behavior. This fear can contribute to a culture of silence and compliance, even in the face of mental health concerns.

Belief in divine authority: Some members may interpret the behavior of religious leaders as being sanctioned by a higher authority, making it difficult for them to question or criticize. This belief in divine authority may override concerns about narcissistic behavior or mental health issues.

Cognitive dissonance: Individuals within these communities may experience cognitive dissonance, where their beliefs clash with observed behaviors. To alleviate this discomfort, they may choose to ignore or rationalize problematic behavior rather than confront the inconsistency.

Limited exposure to external perspectives: Extremist religious communities often isolate themselves from external influences, limiting exposure to alternative viewpoints and ideas. This isolation can reinforce existing beliefs and discourage critical examination of internal issues, including narcissistic behavior and mental health concerns.

It’s crucial to approach these issues with nuance, recognizing that individual experiences within extremist religious communities can differ significantly. Additionally, there are diverse religious groups, and not all exhibit the same tendencies or responses to these issues.

Shervan K Shahhian

Some warning signs that you might have a narcissist in your life:

Identifying narcissistic behavior in someone can be challenging, but there are certain warning signs that may indicate the presence of narcissistic traits. Keep in mind that these signs alone may not necessarily mean someone is a narcissist, and it’s essential to consider the overall pattern of behavior. Here are some warning signs:

Exaggerated sense of self-importance: Narcissists often have an inflated view of their own abilities, achievements, and importance. They may exaggerate their accomplishments and expect special treatment.

Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, or beauty: Narcissists may daydream about their ideal self, success, or achieving perfection. They may believe they are unique and deserving of only the best.

Belief in their own specialness: Narcissists often believe they are unique and should associate only with other high-status individuals or institutions. They may insist on being understood and appreciated by only those they consider to be their equals.

Require excessive admiration: A narcissist may have an insatiable need for praise, admiration, and validation. They may fish for compliments and become upset if they feel they are not receiving enough attention.

Sense of entitlement: Narcissists often have an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment. They may feel entitled to special privileges and believe that rules don’t apply to them.

Exploitative behavior: Narcissists may exploit others to achieve their own goals. They may take advantage of others without empathy or regard for their feelings.

Lack of empathy: Difficulty understanding and empathizing with the feelings of others is a common trait in narcissists. They may appear indifferent to the needs and experiences of those around them.

Envy and jealousy: Narcissists may harbor envy toward others and believe that others are envious of them. They may be preoccupied with comparing themselves to others and feeling superior.

Arrogant and haughty behavior: Narcissists may display a condescending attitude, believing that they are better than others. They may be dismissive of people they perceive as inferior.

Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships: Narcissists may struggle with forming and maintaining genuine, reciprocal relationships. Their relationships may be characterized by manipulation, control, or exploitation.

It’s important to note that narcissistic traits can exist on a spectrum, and individuals may exhibit varying degrees of these behaviors. If you suspect someone in your life may have narcissistic tendencies and it’s causing distress, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional.

Shervan K Shahhian

Narcissism and the need to control:

Narcissism and the need to control are psychological traits that can be interconnected. Narcissistic personality traits involve a grandiose sense of self-importance, a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, and a lack of empathy for others. Individuals with narcissistic tendencies may exhibit a strong desire for admiration and validation.

The need to control, on the other hand, can manifest in various ways, such as a desire to dominate situations, people, or events. This need for control may stem from feelings of insecurity, fear of vulnerability, or a belief that maintaining control is essential for personal well-being.

In some cases, individuals with narcissistic traits may feel the need to control their surroundings and relationships as a way of bolstering their self-esteem and maintaining a facade of superiority. They may struggle with accepting situations beyond their control and seek to manipulate or dominate others to fulfill their own needs.

It’s important to note that not everyone with narcissistic traits exhibits a need for control, and not everyone with a need for control is narcissistic. These are complex psychological factors that can vary in intensity and presentation among individuals. If you have specific concerns or questions, it might be helpful to consult with a mental health professional for a more personalized understanding.

Shervan K Shahhian

What triggers a Narcissistic abuse:

Narcissistic abuse typically occurs in relationships where one person (the narcissist) seeks to exert power and control over another person (the victim). It often involves emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical manipulation. Triggers for narcissistic abuse can vary, but some common factors include:

Threats to the Narcissist’s Self-Esteem: Anything that challenges or threatens the narcissist’s inflated sense of self can trigger abusive behavior. This includes criticism, perceived rejection, or even the success and independence of the victim.

Fear of Abandonment: Narcissists often fear abandonment, and this fear can drive them to control and manipulate their partners to ensure they stay in the relationship.

Lack of Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration, known as narcissistic supply. If they feel they are not receiving enough attention or admiration, they may become abusive to regain control and dominance.

Challenges to Authority: Narcissists have a strong need for control and may become abusive when their authority or dominance is questioned or challenged.

Jealousy and Envy: Narcissists may react aggressively when they perceive others as more successful, attractive, or accomplished than themselves, leading to abusive behavior.

Projection of Insecurities: Narcissists often project their own insecurities onto their victims, blaming them for issues that are actually the narcissist’s own shortcomings. This can lead to emotional and verbal abuse.

It’s important to note that narcissistic abuse is not the fault of the victim, and the narcissist is solely responsible for their abusive behavior. If you or someone you know is experiencing narcissistic abuse, seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional is crucial.

Shervan K Shahhian

Narcissism can be most problematic in a romantic and parental relationships:

Narcissism can indeed pose significant challenges in both romantic and parental relationships. In romantic relationships, individuals with narcissistic traits may struggle with empathy, have a constant need for admiration, and exhibit manipulative behaviors. This can lead to difficulties in communication, emotional intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction.

In parental relationships, narcissistic parents may prioritize their own needs and desires over those of their children. They may seek validation through their children’s achievements or use them as extensions of themselves. This can result in emotional neglect, a lack of genuine connection, and potentially harmful effects on the children’s self-esteem and well-being.

It’s important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum, and individuals may exhibit varying degrees of narcissistic traits. Seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, can be beneficial for individuals and families dealing with the challenges associated with narcissistic behavior.

Shervan K Shahhian