self-compassion – LIBERTY PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION

How unconditional positive regard changes someone’s inner self-talk:

Unconditional positive regard (UPR), as Carl Rogers described it, doesn’t just make someone “feel supported” — over time, it can rewire the tone and content of their inner self-talk.

Here’s how that transformation tends to happen:

1. From self-criticism to self-acceptance
When someone repeatedly experiences UPR — hearing, feeling, and believing that they are accepted without conditions — it challenges the internalized voices of criticism or shame.

Before UPR: Inner voice says, “I messed up. I’m such a failure.”
After sustained UPR: Inner voice shifts to, “I made a mistake, but I’m still worthy and capable of learning.”

2. Replacing conditional worth with unconditional worth
Many people’s self-talk is shaped by early experiences where love or approval was conditional (“I’m only good if I get straight A’s”). UPR gives repeated corrective experiences, teaching the psyche: worth isn’t earned, it’s inherent.

This reduces “achievement anxiety” and the mental pressure to constantly perform for self-approval.

3. Internalizing the therapist’s (or supporter’s) voice
Over time, the way the therapist reflects and responds gets internalized. The client starts to “hear” that compassionate, nonjudgmental tone inside their own mind, especially during moments of distress.

This becomes a new inner resource — like having an internal coach who sees the whole self, not just the mistakes.

4. Encouraging authentic self-expression
If you expect to be judged, your inner self-talk often censors your thoughts: “Don’t say that, it’s stupid.”
With UPR, people learn they can bring all of themselves into the light — thoughts, feelings, impulses — without fear of rejection. This loosens self-editing and leads to a freer, more honest inner dialogue.

5. Shifting from fear-based to growth-based thinking
When you know you’re accepted, risk-taking in thought and action feels safer. Self-talk moves from,

“If I fail, I’ll be worthless” → “Even if I fail, I’ll learn and grow.”
That growth mindset becomes an automatic mental habit.

In essence:
UPR acts like a steady mirror that reflects your value is intact, no matter what. Over time, the inner critic loses dominance, and the inner voice becomes more like an encouraging friend — still realistic, but deeply supportive.

Before-and-after inner monologue chart:

Here’s a before-and-after inner monologue chart showing how unconditional positive regard (UPR) can shift a person’s self-talk over time:

Situation Before UPR (Conditional Self-Worth) After Sustained UPR (Internalized Acceptance) Making a mistake “I’m so stupid. I can’t do anything right.” “I made a mistake. That’s okay — I can fix it or learn from it. ”Receiving criticism “They think I’m worthless. They’re probably right.” “Their feedback doesn’t define my worth — I can take what’s useful and let the rest go. ”Feeling strong emotions“ I shouldn’t feel this way. It means I’m weak.” “It’s okay to feel this. My feelings make sense, and they’ll pass. ”Trying something new“ If I fail, everyone will see I’m not good enough.” “It’s worth trying, even if I fail — my value doesn’t depend on the outcome. ”Not meeting expectations “I’m letting everyone down. I can’t handle this.” “I didn’t meet the goal this time, but I can regroup and try again. ”Facing personal flaws“ I hate this part of me. I wish it would just go away.” “This is a part of me that needs care and understanding, not rejection. ”Receiving praise“ They’re just being nice. I don’t deserve it.” “I appreciate the compliment — it’s nice to be seen.”

Pattern shift:

Before UPR: Inner talk is judgment-heavy, conditional, and fear-based.
After UPR: Inner talk is curious, compassionate, and grounded in self-worth.

Shervan K Shahhian

How to overcome Perfectionism:

Overcoming perfectionism can be challenging, but it’s possible with consistent effort and some practical strategies.

Here are some steps to help manage and reduce perfectionist tendencies:

1. Recognize Perfectionism

The first step is to identify perfectionist thoughts and behaviors. These might include setting unrealistically high standards, excessive self-criticism, and procrastination.
Notice when you start striving for perfection or fear making mistakes.

2. Shift Your Mindset

Embrace Imperfection: Understand that nobody is perfect, and mistakes are a part of growth. Perfectionism can hold you back, whereas learning from mistakes can help you improve.
Change the “All or Nothing” Thinking: Perfectionists often think in extremes (e.g., “I must do this perfectly, or I’ve failed”). Try to adopt a more balanced mindset where progress and effort are valued.

3. Set Realistic Goals

Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps and set realistic, achievable goals instead of aiming for unattainable perfection.
Focus on completing a task well rather than obsessing over every detail.

4. Challenge Perfectionist Thoughts

When you catch yourself thinking something needs to be perfect, ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen if it’s not perfect?” Often, the consequences are less severe than you think.
Reframe negative self-talk into more constructive thoughts.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself, especially when you don’t meet your own high standards. Recognize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them rather than criticizing yourself.

6. Limit the Time Spent on Tasks

Set a time limit for tasks to prevent overthinking or spending too much time trying to perfect something. This helps you focus on completion rather than perfection.
Try to commit to the “good enough” standard for tasks, and move on once you’ve met your objectives.

7. Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome

Enjoy the process of doing something rather than just focusing on the final result. This can help reduce the pressure to achieve perfection.

8. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection

Acknowledge your efforts and improvements, even if they are not perfect. Celebrate small wins along the way.

9. Seek Support

Sometimes, perfectionism can be linked to underlying anxiety or stress. Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you work through perfectionistic tendencies.
Discuss your struggles with trusted friends or family, who can offer encouragement and help you gain perspective.

10. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps you stay present and focus on the task at hand, reducing the need to overanalyze every detail.
Techniques like meditation or deep breathing can also help calm the inner critic that fuels perfectionism.

Remember, overcoming perfectionism takes time, and progress might be gradual. Patience with yourself and a commitment to change will help you shift toward a healthier, more balanced approach to life and work.