Conditional love vs Unconditional Love:
Great question — let’s break it down in a meaningful way.
Conditional Love
Conditional love is based on specific expectations. It says:
“I love you if you behave a certain way, meet my needs, or uphold certain values.”
Examples:
“I love you because you’re successful.”
“I love you as long as you stay loyal.”
“I love you when you make me feel good.”
It’s often transactional — a give-and-take. When the condition is no longer met, the love may fade. This is the kind of love we often see in early relationships, parental dynamics, or social contracts.
It’s not inherently “bad” — boundaries and expectations are part of healthy relationships. But it’s limited. It often comes with fear: fear of rejection, fear of not being enough.
Unconditional Love
Unconditional love is love without strings. It says:
“I love you no matter what you do or who you become.”
Examples:
A parent who still loves their child even after serious mistakes.
A partner who loves through illness, failure, or aging.
A spiritual or divine love (e.g., God’s love in many traditions).
It doesn’t mean enabling harmful behavior or losing your self-respect — unconditional love can coexist with strong boundaries. But it’s rooted in acceptance, presence, and a deeper sense of connection. It’s about being, not doing.
In Practice
Conditional love often feels safe and familiar, especially in societies that reward performance and image.
Unconditional love is transformational, but sometimes harder to access — it requires us to love even when ego wants to withdraw.
Big question to sit with:
“Can I still love when I’m not getting what I want?”
Because unconditional love doesn’t always mean staying — but it always means seeing the other’s humanity.
Shervan K Shahhian
LIBERTY PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION 