How to find meaning in Traumatic Loss:

Finding meaning in traumatic loss is one of the hardest — but also potentially most transformative — human experiences. The path is never linear, and it often comes in waves.

But here are some grounded and compassionate ways to approach it:

1. Let Yourself Grieve Fully
Grief is not something to fix; it’s something to honor. Traumatic loss shatters the world you knew — and that shattering needs space. Suppressing grief can delay healing.

Allow anger, sadness, confusion, even numbness. All are valid.

There’s no timeline — your grief unfolds in your way.

2. Seek Connection
Pain isolates, but healing happens in connection — not just with people, but with the world, with spirit, and with your own inner self.

Talk to someone who gets it — a therapist, a spiritual guide, a support group.

Don’t underestimate the power of simply being witnessed.

3. Create Rituals of Remembrance
Ritual gives structure to chaos. It can help you hold the memory of what was lost while inviting new meaning to emerge.

Light a candle, write letters, plant a tree.

Or invent a private ritual that feels sacred to you.

4. Explore Spiritual or Philosophical Perspectives
Sometimes meaning comes from asking deeper questions: What is life? Why do we suffer? What still connects us to those we’ve lost?

Look to your spiritual beliefs or explore new ones.

Practices like meditation, CRV, dreamwork, or prayer can open new doors.

5. Channel the Pain into Something Bigger
This is what Viktor Frankl called “tragic optimism” — the ability to transform suffering into something that affirms life.

Create art, start a cause, write, speak, help others.

Let their memory do something in the world.

6. Accept That Meaning May Be Elusive
Sometimes, meaning doesn’t come right away. Or it shifts over time. And sometimes, it’s not a grand insight, but a quiet knowing:

“I survived. I loved. I remembered.”

7. Listen to the Messages in the Pain
In Parapsychology and transpersonal psychology, we often explore whether loss contains teachings or messages — sometimes from the departed, sometimes from the soul.

Do you feel nudges in dreams?

Are synchronicities showing up?

Is something calling you to grow in a way you never expected?

These can be whispers of a deeper meaning emerging.

Shervan K Shahhian

Understanding Tripartite Model of Meaning Reconstruction:

Understanding Tripartite Model of Meaning Reconstruction:

The Tripartite Model of Meaning Reconstruction is a framework used primarily in the context of grief and bereavement psychology, particularly in understanding how individuals make sense of loss. It was developed by Robert A. Neimeyer, a leading figure in the study of grief and meaning-making.

The model suggests that people reconstruct meaning after loss through three interrelated processes:

Sense-Making
This involves trying to understand why the loss occurred and how it fits into one’s worldview.
Questions might include:

“Why did this happen?”

“What does this mean about life, fairness, or God?”

“How could this happen to someone like me or them?”

Sense-making is especially crucial when the loss is sudden, traumatic, or seemingly unjust. Without a sense of meaning, people can feel stuck in grief.

Benefit-Finding
This is about identifying positive changes or growth that arise as a result of the loss.
Examples might be:

Greater empathy or compassion

Closer relationships with others

A renewed sense of purpose

Appreciation for life

Benefit-finding doesn’t diminish the pain of loss — it helps people integrate it into their lives in a way that leads to resilience.

Identity Change
Loss often prompts a shift in how one sees themselves — their roles, values, and goals.
People ask:

“Who am I now without them?”

“How has this loss reshaped my identity or purpose?”

“What kind of person am I becoming?”

This aspect ties into existential psychology, where grief isn’t just about what was lost, but who we are now in the absence of what was.

Why It Matters:
The tripartite model helps therapists and practitioners guide clients through the reconstruction of a meaningful life post-loss. It emphasizes that grief is not just about letting go — it’s about rebuilding a narrative that integrates the loss in a way that’s coherent and adaptive.

Shervan K Shahhian

Addressing key obstacles in Traumatic Bereavement:

Addressing key obstacles in Traumatic Bereavement:

Traumatic bereavement presents several key obstacles that can complicate the grieving process. These can be both psychological and physical in nature.

Here are some of the most significant challenges:

1. Shock and Disbelief

The initial phase of traumatic bereavement often involves a state of shock and disbelief. The loss feels surreal, and the individual may struggle to accept that their loved one is truly gone. This can interfere with the natural grieving process, delaying emotional healing.

Intervention: Gently encourage the person to accept the reality of the loss, while providing emotional support. Grief counseling or therapy can help in processing the emotions that come with disbelief.

2. Intense Emotional Pain and Despair

Intense feelings of sadness, guilt, anger, and even feelings of abandonment can overwhelm someone who has experienced traumatic loss. These emotions can be extreme and persistent, sometimes leading to complicated grief.

Intervention: Psychological support, such as grief therapy or trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), can help individuals navigate these difficult emotions. Meditation and mindfulness practices might also help in reducing emotional overload.

3. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

In cases of traumatic loss — especially in violent or sudden circumstances — individuals may develop PTSD symptoms. These symptoms include flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, and an ongoing sense of fear or threat.

Intervention: Trauma-focused therapy, such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), or a combination of trauma-focused cognitive therapy (TF-CBT) and mindfulness, can help in addressing PTSD.

4. Disrupted Sense of Identity

Losing a loved one, especially if they were a central figure in the individual’s life, can cause a crisis of identity. The survivor might feel as if their purpose and sense of self have been shattered.

Intervention: Support through this phase can involve helping the person rediscover or redefine their identity. This might involve working on self-esteem, engaging in meaningful activities, or creating new connections that offer purpose.

5. Complicated Grief

Some individuals experience grief that does not seem to progress in a healthy way. They may feel stuck in their grief or unable to let go of their loved one, leading to prolonged emotional distress.

Intervention: Grief counseling or therapy can help guide the individual through the stages of grief and identify any unresolved issues that may be contributing to complicated grief.

6. Social Isolation

Traumatic bereavement can lead to social withdrawal as the individual might feel misunderstood or isolated from others who have not experienced similar losses. This sense of isolation can further compound the grief.

Intervention: Encouraging the person to reach out for support, whether through a grief group, trusted friends, or family, can help mitigate isolation. Online communities and support groups can also be beneficial.

7. Physical Health Issues

Grief, especially from traumatic loss, can manifest physically — such as through sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, or fatigue. This can weaken the individual’s overall resilience.

Intervention: Encouraging self-care, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and physical activity can help reduce the physical toll of grief. Consulting with a healthcare provider for any physical symptoms is also essential.

8. Guilt and Regret

After a traumatic loss, feelings of guilt or regret often surface. The individual may feel they could have done something differently or that they failed to prevent the loss.

Intervention: Acknowledging and working through these feelings of guilt in therapy can help an individual understand that many aspects of life and death are beyond their control.

9. Difficulty Moving Forward

After experiencing traumatic bereavement, individuals may feel a profound sense of meaninglessness, struggling to imagine a future without their loved one.

Intervention: Encouraging small steps toward rebuilding a sense of purpose and involving the person in activities they once enjoyed can help them slowly reintegrate into life. Life-affirming practices and spirituality may also assist in finding a sense of meaning.

Addressing these obstacles often requires a combination of professional support, personal coping strategies, and time. Everyone’s grief journey is unique, so interventions must be individualized and compassionate, providing the space for the person to grieve in their own way and at their own pace.

Shervan K Shahhian

Understanding Grief-Informed Care:

Grief-Informed Care (GIC) is an approach to providing support and services to individuals who are experiencing grief, loss, or bereavement. It takes into account the emotional, psychological, and physical impact of grief on a person’s well-being and seeks to provide a compassionate, understanding, and holistic framework for care.

Here are some key components of Grief-Informed Care:

Recognizing Grief as a Complex Experience: Grief is unique to each person and can manifest in various ways, including emotional, physical, cognitive, and behavioral symptoms. GIC acknowledges that grief may not follow a linear path and that people may experience a range of emotions, from sadness to anger, guilt, and even relief.

Empathy and Validation: One of the core principles of GIC is to approach individuals with empathy and to validate their grief. This means listening to the person’s experience without judgment or minimizing their feelings, allowing them to express their emotions in a safe and supportive environment.

Cultural Sensitivity: Grief can be influenced by cultural beliefs, practices, and traditions. Grief-Informed Care is sensitive to these cultural differences, understanding that grief is not universal, and care should respect and align with cultural customs and rites of passage related to loss.

Supporting Emotional and Psychological Healing: GIC focuses on helping individuals cope with the emotional challenges of grief. This may involve counseling, mental health support, or simply offering a space for individuals to talk about their loss.

Recognizing the Impact on Other Aspects of Life: Grief can affect various domains of life, including relationships, work, and physical health. GIC aims to recognize and address these impacts, helping individuals adjust to changes in their life circumstances.

Long-Term Support: Grief does not have a set timeframe, and people may continue to experience grief long after a loss. Grief-Informed Care recognizes that ongoing support may be needed, including periodic check-ins or offering resources over time.

Self-Care for Providers: Those providing grief-informed care must also recognize the emotional toll it may take on them. Self-care strategies for providers, such as seeking supervision or peer support, are important to prevent burnout and ensure they can offer compassionate care.

In essence, Grief-Informed Care is about understanding the profound effects of loss and offering support that is sensitive, respectful, and empowering to those navigating through their grief. This can be applied in various settings such as healthcare, mental health, education, and social services.

Shervan K Shahhian

Understanding Especially Dialectical Behavior Therapy:

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a form of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) that was developed by Marsha Linehan in the late 1980s, primarily to treat borderline personality disorder (BPD). It’s based on the idea of balancing acceptance and change, helping individuals develop skills to manage intense emotions, build healthier relationships, and cope with distress.

DBT focuses on four main skill sets:

Mindfulness: Learning to stay present in the moment, rather than being caught up in thoughts or emotional reactivity. It’s about observing without judgment and accepting what is happening in the present.

Distress Tolerance: Building the ability to tolerate and survive crises without resorting to unhealthy behaviors. This involves techniques like self-soothing, distraction, and improving the moment.

Emotion Regulation: Understanding and managing intense emotions without letting them take control. It involves recognizing, labeling, and changing emotions in a healthy way.

Interpersonal Effectiveness: Developing skills to navigate relationships in a way that is both assertive and respectful. This includes skills for saying no, setting boundaries, and asking for what you need.

DBT is often used for people with self-destructive behaviors, like self-harm, suicidal ideation, or chronic emotional dysregulation. It has also been adapted for use in various other contexts, such as treating eating disorders, substance use disorders, PTSD, and depression.

The “dialectical” aspect of DBT refers to the idea that two seemingly opposite things can both be true at once — such as the need to accept things as they are while also striving for change. It’s about finding a balance between these two perspectives.

Shervan K Shahhian

Let’s look into: Evidence-Based Interventions for Bereavement and Grief:

Let’s look into: Evidence-Based Interventions for Bereavement and Grief:

Absolutely, let’s explore evidence-based interventions for bereavement and grief — a rich and important area, especially within psychology and parapsychology.

Overview of Bereavement and Grief

Bereavement refers to the experience of losing a loved one, while grief is the emotional response to that loss. Though grief is a natural and often self-limiting process, complicated grief (CG) or prolonged grief disorder (PGD) can impair functioning and may require intervention.

Evidence-Based Interventions

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Target: Maladaptive thoughts and avoidance behaviors.

Methods: Thought restructuring, exposure therapy (imaginal or in vivo), behavioral activation.

Evidence: Strong support, particularly for individuals with prolonged or complicated grief.

2. Complicated Grief Treatment (CGT)

Developed by: Dr. Katherine Shear and team.

Framework: Combines elements of CBT, interpersonal therapy, and motivational interviewing.

Focus: Loss processing and restoration of life goals.

Evidence: Randomized controlled trials (RCTs) show significant symptom reduction.

3. Meaning Reconstruction Therapy

Theory: Based on Neimeyer’s constructivist approach.

Goal: Help clients reconstruct personal meaning after a loss.

Techniques: Narrative therapy, journaling, story reconstruction.

Evidence: Positive outcomes, particularly in restoring life purpose and identity.

4. Mindfulness-Based Interventions

Focus: Increasing present-moment awareness and self-compassion.

Examples: MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction), MBCT (Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy).

Benefits: Reduction in anxiety, depression, and stress related to loss.

Evidence: Emerging support, especially for general bereavement distress.

5. Group Therapy / Support Groups

Types: Peer-led, therapist-led, structured or open-ended.

Benefits: Validation, shared experience, reduced isolation.

Evidence: Effective for many, especially when groups are structured and moderated by professionals.

6. Expressive Arts Therapies

Modalities: Art, music, writing, movement.

Mechanism: Emotional expression and symbolic communication.

Evidence: Helpful adjunct to other therapies, especially for children and adolescents.

7. Pharmacotherapy

Used For: Treating co-occurring disorders like major depression or anxiety.

Maybe Not a first-line treatment for grief alone.

Medications: Please consult your medical doctor for further information.

Caution: Should be paired with psychotherapy, not used as a sole intervention.

Meta-Analytic Findings

Meta-analyses (e.g., Currier et al., 2008; Wittouck et al., 2011) show that:

Structured interventions (especially CBT and CGT) are more effective than unstructured or supportive counseling alone.

Timing matters — interventions are most effective 6+ months after the loss when natural adaptation may stall.

Individuals at risk (e.g., history of trauma, sudden loss, low support) benefit the most.

Integration with Parapsychological/Spiritual Models (optional tie-in)

Transpersonal approaches (e.g., continuing bonds, after-death communication experiences, CRV-assisted closure) may offer additional healing pathways.

These approaches aren’t mainstream evidence-based yet but are being explored in some research and therapeutic contexts (e.g., hospice care).

Shervan K Shahhian

Rigid Thinking, how to escape it:

Rigid thinking, how to escape it:

Escaping rigid thinking — great question. It’s something a lot of people struggle with, especially in times of stress or when dealing with deeply rooted beliefs.

Here are some ways to break free from it:

1. Recognize You’re Doing It

The first step is noticing when your thinking is rigid. Clues include:

Black-and-white or all-or-nothing thinking.

Getting defensive when challenged.

Feeling uncomfortable with ambiguity or change.

Ask yourself: “Am I holding this belief too tightly?” or “Am I reacting or responding?”

2. Practice Cognitive Flexibility

This means consciously entertaining multiple perspectives:

Try thinking: “What’s another way to look at this?”

Use thought experiments: “If someone I respect disagreed with me, what might they say?”

3. Embrace Uncertainty

Rigid thinking often comes from the need for control. Learn to tolerate not knowing. Meditative practices, like mindfulness or even can train the mind to sit with uncertainty.

4. Challenge Core Beliefs

Sometimes rigidity is built on outdated or inherited beliefs. Question:

Is this still true for me?

Where did I learn this?

What evidence supports or contradicts this belief?

5. Expose Yourself to Contradictory Ideas

Read books or listen to people with very different perspectives — especially ones that make you uncomfortable. The goal isn’t to agree, but to stretch your mental frame.

6. Work with Emotions

Rigid thinking is often emotional. When you feel fear, shame, or anger around a belief, that’s a signal. Explore the emotion — what is it protecting? What story is it telling?

7. Creative Play

Art, writing, improvisation, or even lucid dreaming can unlock nonlinear thinking. Space to play = space to think differently.

Shervan K Shahhian

The Brain and Body, connection what is it:

(Please consult your medical doctor for further information.)

The Brain and Body, connection what is it:
The brain and body connection - sometimes called the mind-body connection - is the deep, two-way communication system between your thoughts, emotions, and mental processes (centered in the brain) and your physical state (the body). It’s not just metaphorical - it’s very real, involving nerves, hormones, and energy systems.

Here’s a breakdown of what this connection involves:
Bi-Directional Communication

Top-down: Your brain influences your body. Thoughts can affect your heart rate, breathing, digestion, immune system, and hormones.
Example: When you’re anxious, your body might tense up, your heart races, your stomach churns.
Bottom-up: Your body influences your brain.
Physical sensations, posture, gut bacteria, and movement send signals back to the brain.
Example: A poor diet or lack of sleep can impact your mood, memory, and ability to think clearly.
Key Systems Involved
(Please consult your medical doctor for further information.)
Nervous System: The brain communicates with the body through the spinal cord and peripheral nerves. This is how you move, feel, and react.
Endocrine System: Hormones like cortisol, adrenaline, and serotonin play major roles in stress, energy, mood, and more.
Immune System: Chronic stress can weaken immunity, while relaxation supports healing.
Enteric Nervous System (the “second brain”): Found in the gut, it produces neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, directly influencing your mental state.
Holistic View

Practices like yoga, meditation, breathwork, and tai chi tap into this connection to promote healing and balance.
Emotional trauma can manifest in the body as chronic pain or illness - and healing the mind can ease these physical symptoms.
From a Parapsychological/Psychological View

The brain-body connection could be seen as a feedback loop between consciousness and the physical vessel. When trained (e.g. through CRV, deep meditation, psychokinesis), this loop can be optimized or even expanded - like unlocking deeper levels of potential.
Shervan K Shahhian

The Psychology of Carl Jung:

Carl Jung’s psychology — often called Analytical Psychology — is a rich and deep system that explores not just the conscious mind, but also the unconscious, archetypes, symbols, dreams, and the process of individuation.

Here’s a breakdown of the core ideas:

1. The PsycheJung divided the psyche into several layers:

Conscious mind — what we are aware of.

Personal unconscious — memories, thoughts, and feelings not currently in conscious awareness.

Collective unconscious — a deeper level containing archetypes and shared human experiences.

2. ArchetypesThese are universal, inherited patterns or symbols found in myths, dreams, art, and religions. Key archetypes include:

The Self — the totality of the psyche, aiming for wholeness.

The Shadow — the hidden, repressed parts of ourselves.

The Anima/Animus — the feminine side in men (anima), and the masculine side in women (animus).

The Persona — the mask we wear in social settings.

3. IndividuationThis is the process of becoming your true self — a journey toward integration of the conscious and unconscious, leading to psychological wholeness. It involves facing the shadow, working with archetypes, and developing a balanced ego-Self relationship.

4. Dream AnalysisJung saw dreams as messages from the unconscious, often loaded with symbolic meaning. They guide the dreamer toward individuation.

5. SynchronicityThis is the idea of meaningful coincidences — when internal states (like thoughts or emotions) align with external events in a way that feels deeply significant, though not causally linked.

6. TypologyJung developed a personality typology based on:

Introversion vs. Extraversion

Four functions: Thinking, Feeling, Sensation, Intuition

This formed the basis for the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator).

Spiritual & Mystical DimensionsJung had a strong interest in alchemy, Gnosticism, Eastern religions, and the occult. He saw spiritual transformation as central to psychological health.

Shervan K Shahhian

Conditional love vs Unconditional Love:

Conditional love vs Unconditional Love:

Great question — let’s break it down in a meaningful way.

Conditional Love

Conditional love is based on specific expectations. It says:
“I love you if you behave a certain way, meet my needs, or uphold certain values.”

Examples:

“I love you because you’re successful.”

“I love you as long as you stay loyal.”

“I love you when you make me feel good.”

It’s often transactional — a give-and-take. When the condition is no longer met, the love may fade. This is the kind of love we often see in early relationships, parental dynamics, or social contracts.

It’s not inherently “bad” — boundaries and expectations are part of healthy relationships. But it’s limited. It often comes with fear: fear of rejection, fear of not being enough.

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is love without strings. It says:
“I love you no matter what you do or who you become.”

Examples:

A parent who still loves their child even after serious mistakes.

A partner who loves through illness, failure, or aging.

A spiritual or divine love (e.g., God’s love in many traditions).

It doesn’t mean enabling harmful behavior or losing your self-respect — unconditional love can coexist with strong boundaries. But it’s rooted in acceptance, presence, and a deeper sense of connection. It’s about being, not doing.

In Practice

Conditional love often feels safe and familiar, especially in societies that reward performance and image.

Unconditional love is transformational, but sometimes harder to access — it requires us to love even when ego wants to withdraw.

Big question to sit with:

“Can I still love when I’m not getting what I want?”

Because unconditional love doesn’t always mean staying — but it always means seeing the other’s humanity.

Shervan K Shahhian