healing – LIBERTY PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION

Psychological Wounds may refer to emotional or mental injuries:

Psychological Wounds may refer to emotional or mental injuries that individuals experience as a result of traumatic events, adverse experiences, or ongoing stressors. These wounds may manifest in various ways and impact a person’s thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and overall well-being.

Here’s a breakdown of some possible key aspects:

Causes: Psychological wounds may arise from a wide range of experiences, including childhood trauma, abuse, neglect, accidents, loss of a loved one, bullying, discrimination, relationship issues, financial problems, or exposure to violence or disaster.
Types: Psychological wounds may take many forms, including anxiety disorders, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), complex trauma, attachment disorders, substance abuse, eating disorders, and various other mental health conditions.
Symptoms: Symptoms of psychological wounds may vary widely depending on the individual and the nature of the trauma. Common symptoms may include intrusive thoughts or memories, flashbacks, nightmares, emotional numbness, avoidance of reminders of the trauma, hypervigilance, mood swings, irritability, difficulty concentrating, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, self-destructive behaviors, and struggles with self-esteem and relationships.
Impact: Psychological wounds may have a profound impact on a person’s life, affecting their ability to function effectively in various areas such as work, school, relationships, and daily activities. They may also lead to physical health problems due to the interconnectedness of mental and physical well-being.
Healing: Recovery from psychological wounds often involves seeking professional help from therapists, counselors, or psychologists who specialize in trauma treatment. Healing may also involve support from friends, family, support groups, and self-care practices such as mindfulness, exercise, creative outlets, and relaxation techniques. It’s important to note that healing is a gradual process and may involve setbacks or relapses along the way.
Resilience: Despite the challenges posed by psychological wounds, some individuals demonstrate remarkable resilience and are able to overcome their trauma, rebuild their lives, and even find meaning and growth through their experiences. Supportive relationships, a sense of purpose, and a positive outlook on life may all contribute to resilience in the face of adversity.

Understanding psychological wounds is crucial for providing support and empathy to those who are struggling, as well as for promoting mental health awareness and advocacy in society. It’s essential to recognize that psychological wounds are real and valid, and that healing is possible with the right resources and support.

Shervan K Shahhian

Grief is a natural, universal response to loss:

Grief is a natural, universal response to loss. Although it is most often associated with the death of a loved one, grief may also follow divorce, the loss of health, unemployment, miscarriage, the end of a relationship, or any significant life change. There may not be a single “correct” way to grieve. People’s responses vary widely depending on their personality, culture, beliefs, relationship to what was lost, coping skills, and available support.

Here are some of the broad categories of normal human responses to grief and loss:

1. Emotional Responses

These could be the most recognizable aspects of grief.

Sadness and sorrow
Yearning or longing for the person or what was lost
Crying spells
Anger or irritability
Guilt or regret
Anxiety or fear
Loneliness
Emotional numbness
Relief (especially after a prolonged illness or suffering)
Love and gratitude
Hope that gradually returns
Moments of joy mixed with sadness
Substance abuse

Experiencing positive emotions may not mean that someone loved the person less.

2. Cognitive (Thinking) Responses

Grief may affect how people think and process information.

Difficulty concentrating
Forgetfulness
Confusion
Feeling mentally “foggy”
Preoccupation with the deceased or the loss
Replaying events repeatedly
Questioning meaning or purpose
Changes in priorities
Wondering “What if…?”
Temporary disbelief or feeling the loss isn’t real

3. Physical Responses: Consult with a Medical Doctor.

Grief is experienced throughout the body: Consult with a Medical Doctor.

Fatigue
Sleep disturbances
Appetite changes
Headaches
Muscle tension
Chest tightness
Feeling physically weak
Upset stomach or digestive problems
Changes in energy
Increased sensitivity to illness

These symptoms maybe common and often lessen with time.

4. Behavioral Responses

People may change how they behave while grieving.

Withdrawing from others
Seeking social support
Crying
Talking about the deceased
Visiting meaningful places
Keeping belongings
Looking at photographs
Changes in work performance
Restlessness
Reduced motivation
Temporary forgetfulness
Increased religious or spiritual activities

5. Social Responses

Grief may influence relationships.

Wanting more companionship
Wanting solitude
Feeling misunderstood
Becoming closer to family
Conflict with others due to different grieving styles
Reduced participation in social activities
Seeking support groups

6. Spiritual or Existential Responses

Many people reconsider life’s deeper questions.

Searching for meaning
Questioning faith
Strengthening spiritual beliefs or the opposite
Feeling angry with God
Wondering about life after death
Reflecting on mortality
Reassessing personal values
Developing greater appreciation for life

7. Sensory and Perceptual Experiences

Many bereaved people may report experiences that can be startling but are generally considered normal during grieving.

These may include:

Briefly seeing the deceased
Hearing the deceased’s voice
Sensing their presence
Vivid dreams of the deceased
Smelling a familiar perfume or scent
Feeling as though the person is nearby

These experiences maybe called bereavement related anomalous experiences or after death communications (ADCs) in bereavement research. They are surprisingly common, are not usually signs of mental illness, and often provide comfort rather than distress.

8. Continuing Bonds

Modern grief research recognizes that many people may maintain an ongoing psychological connection with the deceased.

Examples include:

Talking to themselves: deceased
Keeping traditions alive
Feeling guided by their memory
Carrying treasured possessions
Celebrating birthdays or anniversaries
Living according to values they shared

This is described by the Continuing Bonds Theory and is generally viewed as a healthy aspect of adaptation when it supports rather than interferes with daily life.

9. Meaning Making and Growth

Over time, some people begin to integrate the loss into their lives.

This may include:

Greater resilience
Increased compassion
Changed life priorities
Stronger relationships
Personal growth
New purpose
Increased appreciation for life
Deeper spirituality
Acceptance of life’s uncertainty

This process is sometimes referred to as post traumatic growth, although not everyone experiences it.

Common Features of Normal Grief

Normal grief may include:

Waves of intense emotion that gradually become less overwhelming
Good days and bad days
Emotional “triggers” from anniversaries, music, or places
Missing the deceased for years while still living a meaningful life
Gradual adaptation rather than “getting over” the loss

Grief may not be a series of neat stages. While the ideas: (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) are well known, in modern psychology recognizes that grief is highly individual. People may experience some, all, or none of these reactions, and not in any particular order.

When Grief May Need Professional Support

While grief itself may not be a mental disorder, professional evaluation can be helpful if someone experiences:

Persistent inability to function for an extended period
Intense despair that does not gradually soften over time
Persistent feelings that life is not worth living
Severe depression or anxiety
Heavy reliance on alcohol or drugs
Symptoms consistent with Prolonged Grief Disorder, where intense grief remains persistent and significantly impairs daily life well beyond what is typical for the person’s cultural context.

The Bottom Line

Grief affects the whole person, emotionally, physically, mentally, socially, spiritually, and behaviorally. Most grief reactions, even those that feel unusual (such as sensing the presence of a deceased loved one), fall within the broad spectrum of normal human responses to loss. Rather than following a predictable sequence, healthy grieving usually involves gradually learning to live with the loss while maintaining a meaningful connection to what or whom has been lost.

Shervan K Shahhian

Parapsychology: Bereavement Apparitions are experiences in which a person perceives,…

Bereavement Apparitions are experiences in which a person perceives the presence of a deceased loved one after that person’s death. These experiences are surprisingly common and are often reported during the grieving process.

Common Types of Bereavement Apparitions

People may report:

Seeing: the deceased person briefly.
Hearing: their voice.
Feeling their presence: in the room.
Sensing a touch: such as a hand on the shoulder.
Smelling a familiar scent: associated with the deceased.
Having vivid visitation dreams: that feel unusually real.

How Common Are They?

Research in grief psychology and psychical research suggests that bereaved individuals report some form of post death sensory or presence experience. Many people who have these experiences do not have a mental illness and may find them comforting rather than distressing.

Psychological Perspective

Psychologists often view bereavement apparitions as a normal part of adapting to loss. Possible explanations include:

The mind’s continued expectation that the loved one is present.
Strong emotional bonds and attachment.
Memory and perception processes during grief.
Dreams and altered states occurring during bereavement.

From this perspective, the experience does not necessarily indicate a psychiatric disorder: please, consult with a Psychiatrist.

Parapsychological Perspective

Within the field of Parapsychology, some researchers have considered whether certain bereavement apparitions might represent evidence for the survival of consciousness after death. This remains controversial and has not been accepted as established by stereotypical mainstream science.

When to Seek Help

Bereavement apparitions are generally not considered a problem if they:

Are brief and comforting.
Occur in the context of normal grief.
Do not impair daily functioning.

Professional evaluation may be helpful if the experiences are highly distressing, persistent, involve dangerous commands, or occur alongside other symptoms of psychosis or severe mental illness: please, consult with a Psychiatrist.

Example

A widow may wake during the night and clearly see her deceased husband sitting in a favorite chair for a few seconds before the image fades. She recognizes that her spouse has died, but the experience feels vivid and comforting. This would be a classic example of a bereavement apparition.

Many grief counselors today view such experiences as part of the broad range of normal human responses to loss, regardless of whether they are interpreted psychologically, spiritually, or parapsychologically.

Shervan K Shahhian

Emotional Blackmail is a form of psychological manipulation:

Emotional Blackmail is a form of psychological manipulation in which someone uses fear, obligation, guilt, shame, or affection to pressure another person into doing what they want. The goal is to control another person’s behavior by exploiting the relationship rather than communicating openly and respectfully.

How Emotional Blackmail Works

It often follows a predictable pattern:

A demand

The person wants you to do something.

Example: “You need to cancel your plans and stay with me.”

Resistance

You politely decline or express your own needs.

Pressure

They increase the emotional pressure.

They may criticize, guilt trip, threaten, or play the victim.

Compliance

You give in to stop the conflict or avoid feeling guilty.

Repetition

They learn that this strategy works and continue using it.

Common Tactics

1. Guilt Tripping

Making you feel responsible for their emotions.

Examples:

“After everything I’ve done for you…”

“You’re so selfish.”

“A good son/daughter would help.”

2. Fear

Creating fear of consequences.

Examples:

“If you leave me, I’ll never recover.”

“You’ll regret this.”

“Don’t expect me to be there for you.”

3. Obligation

Making you feel indebted.

Examples:

“You owe me.”

“I sacrificed everything for you.”

4. Shame

Attacking your character.

Examples:

“You’re a terrible friend.”

“Only bad people would say no.”

5. Silent Treatment

Using withdrawal of affection or communication as punishment.

Examples:

Ignoring texts.

Refusing to speak for days.

6. Playing the Victim

Presenting themselves as helpless to make you feel guilty.

Examples:

“Nobody cares about me.”

“Everyone abandons me.”

7. Conditional Love

Making affection dependent on obedience.

Examples:

“If you loved me, you would…”

“I thought you cared about me.”

The FOG Model

F – Fear

Fear of conflict, rejection, abandonment, or punishment.

O – Obligation

Feeling you “should” do what they ask.

G – Guilt

Feeling like a bad person for saying no.

When you’re in FOG, it becomes difficult to make decisions based on your own values and needs.

Why People Use Emotional Blackmail

Not everyone who uses these tactics is intentionally malicious. Some people learned these behaviors growing up or use them because they struggle to communicate their needs effectively. Others may use them deliberately to gain control.

Possible reasons include:

Poor emotional regulation
Fear of abandonment
Insecure attachment
Learned family patterns
Desire for control
Certain personality traits or disorders (though emotional blackmail is not specific to any one diagnosis)

Signs You May Be Experiencing Emotional Blackmail

You might notice that:

You constantly feel guilty for saying no.
You feel responsible for someone else’s happiness.
You walk on eggshells.
You often give in just to keep the peace.
Your boundaries are repeatedly ignored.
You feel anxious before expressing your own needs.

Signs You May Be Experiencing Emotional Blackmail

You might notice that:

You constantly feel guilty for saying no.

You feel responsible for someone else’s happiness.

You walk on eggshells.

You often give in just to keep the peace.

Your boundaries are repeatedly ignored.

You feel anxious before expressing your own needs.

Healthy Ways to Respond

Stay calm and avoid reacting impulsively.

Acknowledge their feelings without accepting unfair responsibility.

“I understand you’re upset.”

Repeat your boundary clearly.

“I can’t do that.”

Avoid lengthy justifications, which may invite further pressure.

Recognize guilt as a feeling, not proof that you’ve done something wrong.

If the pattern is ongoing, consider limiting contact or seeking support from trusted friends or a mental health professional.

Example

Emotional Blackmail

Person A: “I can’t lend you money this month.”

Person B: “I guess you don’t care if I end up homeless. After everything I’ve done for you.”

The second response attempts to create guilt rather than discuss the situation constructively.

Healthy Alternative

Person A: “I can’t lend you money this month.”

Person B: “I’m disappointed, but I understand. I’ll look for other options.”

This response expresses emotion while respecting the other person’s decision.

Key Point

Emotional blackmail differs from healthy emotional expression. It’s normal for people to express sadness, disappointment, or frustration. It becomes emotional blackmail when those emotions are used as tools of pressure or control, rather than shared honestly in a way that respects the other person’s autonomy and boundaries.

Shervan K Shahhian

Trauma Bonding could be a strong emotional attachment that develops between,…

Trauma bonding could be a strong emotional attachment that develops between a person and someone who repeatedly harms, manipulates, or abuses them. The bond forms through a recurring cycle of abuse followed by kindness, affection, apologies, or promises to change. This pattern may make it very difficult for the victim to leave the relationship, even when they recognize it is harmful.

It is important to distinguish trauma bonding from healthy love. A trauma bond is maintained by fear, dependency, intermittent rewards, and emotional confusion, not by mutual respect, trust, and safety.

How Trauma Bonding Develops

Trauma bonds may typically develop through a repeating cycle:

Love and idealization
- The relationship begins with affection, attention, or excessive praise (sometimes called love bombing).
Abuse or mistreatment
- Emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, or financial abuse occurs.
- The victim experiences fear, confusion, or emotional pain.
Reconciliation
- The abusive person apologizes, becomes affectionate, or promises to change.
- Temporary kindness creates hope that the relationship will improve.
Calm period
- Things seem normal for a while.
- The victim becomes emotionally invested again.
The cycle repeats
- Each repetition may strengthens the emotional bond.

Why Trauma Bonds Become So Strong

Several psychological mechanisms may contribute:

Intermittent reinforcement
- Kindness is unpredictable, making positive moments feel especially rewarding.
- This is similar to the psychology behind gambling, where unpredictable rewards strengthen behavior.
Fear and relief
- The abuser becomes both the source of fear and the source of comfort.
- Relief after abuse may be mistaken for love.
Emotional dependency
- The victim may begin believing they need the abuser emotionally or financially.
Isolation
- The abusive person may discourage relationships with friends or family, increasing dependence.
Hope
- Victims may remain because they believe the “good” version of the person will return.

Common Signs of Trauma Bonding

Someone experiencing a trauma bond may:

Defend the abusive person’s behavior.
Minimize or rationalize the abuse.
Feel unable to leave despite recognizing the harm.
Blame themselves for the abuse.
Miss the abuser intensely after separation.
Feel guilty for setting boundaries.
Hide the abuse from others.
Believe only the abusive person truly understands them.
Experience repeated cycles of leaving and returning.

Trauma Bonding vs. Healthy Attachment

Healthy Relationship	Trauma Bond
Trust	Fear and anxiety
Respect	Control and manipulation
Consistent affection	Unpredictable affection
Healthy communication	Gaslighting and intimidation
Safe disagreements	Fear of conflict
Mutual independence	Emotional dependency
Stable emotional climate	Emotional highs and lows

Trauma Bonding vs. Stockholm Syndrome

Although the terms are sometimes confused, they are different.

Trauma Bonding

May occur in ongoing abusive relationships.
Develops through repeated cycles of abuse and reward.
Common in intimate relationships and families.

Stockholm Syndrome

Originally described in hostage situations.
Refers to hostages developing positive feelings toward captors under extreme circumstances.
It is not an officially recognized mental disorder.

Where Trauma Bonds May Occur

Trauma bonds may develop in many settings:

Romantic relationships
Parent child relationships
Domestic violence situations
Cults or high control groups
Human trafficking
Workplace abuse
Elder abuse
Some caregiver relationships

Effects on Mental Health

Trauma bonding may contribute to:

Anxiety
Depression
Low self-esteem
Hypervigilance
Shame and guilt
Difficulty trusting others
Symptoms associated with Post traumatic stress disorder or complex trauma
Difficulty forming healthy relationships

Breaking a Trauma Bond

Recovery is possible, though it may take time.

Helpful steps include:

Recognize the abusive cycle.
Reduce or eliminate contact when it is safe to do so.
Build support from trusted friends, family, or support groups.
Learn about manipulation tactics such as gaslighting, coercive control, and emotional blackmail.
Practice healthy boundaries.
Work with a trauma informed mental health professional if needed.
Focus on rebuilding self-esteem and independence.
Be patient with yourself, missing the abusive person does not mean the relationship was healthy.

What Research Shows

Some research may suggest that trauma bonding maybe closely related to:

Intermittent reinforcement from behavioral psychology.
Attachment processes, especially when insecurity or dependency is present.
Consult with a Neurologist: The neurobiology of stress and reward, involving stress hormones and the mind’s reward pathways, which may make abusive relationships especially difficult to leave.

Key Takeaway

Trauma bonding is not a sign of weakness or genuine love. It is a psychological response that may develop under repeated cycles of abuse, fear, and intermittent affection. Understanding how these cycles work maybe the first step towards recognizing unhealthy relationships and moving toward recovery and healthier connections.

Shervan K Shahhian

Dissociative Amnesia is a psychological condition:

Dissociative Amnesia is a psychological condition in which a person is unable to recall important personal information, usually related to traumatic or highly stressful experiences. The memory loss is more extensive than ordinary forgetting and it might not be explained by a physical condition, substance use, or typical memory problems.

Key Features

Inability to remember important autobiographical information.
May be linked to trauma, abuse, accidents, disasters, combat, or overwhelming stress.
Memory loss may involve specific events, certain time periods, or, in rare cases, a person’s entire life history.
The forgotten information is stored in memory but becomes temporarily inaccessible to conscious awareness.

Types of Dissociative Amnesia

Localized Amnesia
- Inability to remember events during a specific period of time.
- Most common type.
Selective Amnesia
- May recall some, but not all, aspects of a traumatic event.
Generalized Amnesia
- Loss of memory for one’s entire life history or identity.
- Rare.
Systematized Amnesia
- Memory loss related to a particular person, place, or category of information.
Continuous Amnesia
- Inability to form conscious memories for ongoing events from a certain point forward.

Possible Symptoms

Memory gaps concerning personal history.
Confusion or distress about missing memories.
Difficulty recalling traumatic experiences.
Feeling detached from oneself or reality (sometimes occurring alongside other dissociative symptoms).

Dissociative Fugue

A rare subtype in which a person:

Suddenly travels away from home or work.
Becomes confused about their identity.
May assume a new identity temporarily.

Possible Causes

Severe trauma or overwhelming stress.
Childhood abuse or neglect.
Combat experiences.
Natural disasters.
Interpersonal violence.
Major emotional conflicts.

Possible Treatment

Treatment may focus on safety, stabilization, and gradual processing of underlying trauma:

Psychotherapy (the primary treatment)
Trauma-focused therapies
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Clinical hypnosis (when appropriate and conducted by trained professionals)
Stress management and grounding techniques

Shervan K Shahhian

Stress Induced Dissociated Behavior:

Stress Induced Dissociated Behavior may refer to dissociative symptoms or behaviors that emerge when a person is overwhelmed by acute or chronic stress.

What Is Dissociation?

Dissociation may be a disruption in the normal integration of:

Awareness
Memory
Identity
Emotion
Perception
Body sensation

It may exist on a spectrum, from mild spacing out to more severe fragmentation.

How Stress Triggers Dissociation

When stress becomes overwhelming, especially if it feels inescapable, unpredictable, or threatening, the nervous system may shift from:

PLEASE, CONSULT WITH A MEDICAL DOCTOR

Fight or flight: sympathetic activation
to
Freeze / shutdown: parasympathetic dorsal vagal dominance

This shutdown response may produce dissociative phenomena.

From a trauma framework, dissociation is understood as a survival adaptation when active defense fails.

Common Stress Induced Dissociative Behaviors

1. Depersonalization

Feeling detached from oneself

“I feel like I’m watching myself.”
Emotional numbness
Robotic functioning

2. Derealization

Feeling detached from surroundings

World feels unreal, foggy, dreamlike
Sensory distortions

3. Dissociative Amnesia

Memory gaps during stressful events
“I don’t remember parts of what happened.”

4. Behavioral Auto Pilot

Functioning competently but with reduced awareness
Emotional disconnection while performing tasks

5. Identity Shifts Under Stress

Sudden personality changes
Childlike states under overwhelm
Regression patterns

Neurobiological View

“CONSULT WITH A NEUROLOGIST”

Under extreme stress:

Amygdala: hyperactivation: consult with a Neurologist
Prefrontal cortex: reduced regulation: consult with a Neurologist
Hippocampus: memory fragmentation: consult with a Neurologist
Opioid system: emotional numbing: consult with a Neurologist

This creates a protective analgesic state, emotional and sometimes physical: consult with a Neurologist.

Acute vs. Chronic Patterns

Acute stress dissociation

During accidents
During conflict
During panic episodes

Chronic stress dissociation

Trauma history
Attachment disruptions
Prolonged relational threat
Complex trauma patterns

Chronic forms may evolve into clinical conditions such as:

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Dissociative Identity Disorder
Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder

Why the System Does This

Dissociation is adaptive when:

The threat cannot be escaped
The person cannot fight
Emotional pain is overwhelming

It reduces subjective suffering, but long term it impairs integration and embodied presence.

Clinical Markers to Watch For

Flat affect during intense material
Sudden cognitive fog
Rapid shifts in eye focus
Voice tone change
Time distortion reports
Memory inconsistencies

Treatment Considerations

Nervous system regulation (bottom-up): consult with a Neurologist
Somatic grounding
Trauma processing (carefully titrated)
Attachment repair
Strengthening executive functioning before deep trauma work

Premature trauma exposure without stabilization may increase dissociation.

Shervan K Shahhian

Parapsychology: After-Death Communications (ADCs) are experiences,…

After-Death Communications (ADCs) are experiences in which a person feels they have had contact or communication with someone who has died. These experiences are commonly reported by bereaved individuals and may occur spontaneously, often during periods of grief.

Common Types of ADCs

People report a variety of experiences, including:

Sensing a presence of the deceased nearby.

Hearing a voice or receiving a message.

Seeing an apparition or visual image of the deceased.

Dream visitations that feel unusually vivid, meaningful, or real.

Feeling a touch, such as a hand on the shoulder or a hug.

Receiving symbolic signs, such as meaningful coincidences, specific songs, scents, animals, or objects associated with the deceased.

Inner communication, where a message seems to arise in the mind unexpectedly.

How Common Are They?

Research suggests that ADCs are relatively common among bereaved individuals. Some studies have found that a significant percentage of people who have lost a loved one report at least one such experience during the grieving process.

Psychological Perspectives

Psychologists and grief researchers offer several possible explanations:

A normal part of the grieving process.

The mind’s way of maintaining a continuing bond with the deceased.

Memory, emotion, and attachment systems creating vivid experiences.

Meaning making during bereavement.

Importantly, ADCs are not automatically considered signs of mental illness. Many mentally healthy individuals report them.

Parapsychological Perspectives

Researchers in parapsychology have explored whether some ADCs might represent genuine communication from a deceased person. Evidence remains controversial, and there is no scientific consensus that survival of consciousness after death has been proven.

Characteristics Often Reported

Many experiencers describe ADCs as:

Comforting and reassuring.

Clear and vivid.

Different from ordinary imagination.

Accompanied by feelings of peace, love, or certainty.

Example

A widow may suddenly smell her late husband’s distinctive cologne when no source is present, or dream of him appearing healthy and saying, “I’m okay.” She may interpret this as an ADC.

Clinical View

Some grief counselors and mental health professionals may view ADCs as potentially meaningful experiences for the bereaved. Unless they are causing significant distress, impairment, or are accompanied by other symptoms of psychosis, they are generally not treated as pathological.

In grief counseling, ADCs may be discussed within the framework of continuing bonds, a theory suggesting that maintaining an ongoing psychological connection with a deceased loved one may be a healthy part of adapting to loss.

Shervan K Shahhian

Podcast Episode: Loving-Kindness Meditation (LKM), also known as Metta Meditation:

Pip: Liberty Psychological Association covers territory that most of us quietly need a map for — the inner kind.

Mara: Today we're looking at a contemplative practice with deep roots and measurable effects, courtesy of Shervan K Shahhian at Liberty Psychological Association, The Most Comprehensive Online Library Regarding Mental Health, Psychology and Parapsychology in the World. Let's start with Loving-Kindness Meditation — what it is, how it works, and why the research behind it is worth taking seriously.

Loving-Kindness Meditation: Training the Heart and Mind

Pip: The premise here is straightforward but easy to underestimate — that you can deliberately practice goodwill the way you practice anything else, and that doing so actually changes something.

Mara: The post frames it clearly from the start: "Loving-Kindness Meditation is a contemplative practice that involves intentionally cultivating feelings of goodwill, compassion, warmth, and kindness toward yourself and others."

Pip: Intentionally cultivating. That word choice matters — this isn't passive mood management. It's structured repetition with a direction.

Mara: The structure is quite specific. You begin with phrases directed at yourself — "May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be safe. May I live with ease." — then extend those same wishes outward, moving from a loved one to a friend, a neutral person, a difficult person, and eventually all beings.

Pip: The difficult person step is the one that earns its keep. Anyone can wish a friend well on a Tuesday.

Mara: The post is careful to define what loving-kindness is not — it doesn't mean approving harmful behavior, ignoring personal boundaries, or forcing yourself to like everyone. The phrase used is "recognizing the shared humanity of all people while maintaining healthy boundaries."

Pip: Which is a useful clarification, because the practice could easily be misread as emotional bypass.

Mara: From a psychological standpoint, the post explains that repeated practice may strengthen neural pathways associated with empathy, emotional regulation, and social connection. Research suggests it can increase positive emotions, reduce self-criticism, lower stress and anger, and support overall psychological well-being.

Pip: So the upshot is: this is less about feeling warmly toward the universe and more about retraining a threat-detection system that runs a little hot by default.

Mara: That's exactly how the post frames the mechanism — counteracting the mind's tendency toward threat detection and negative mental commentary. Modern therapies including mindfulness-based interventions and compassion-focused approaches already incorporate it for exactly that reason.

Pip: Goodwill as a trainable skill — that reframe does some work.

Mara: It does. The inner architecture turns out to be more malleable than most of us assume. More on that next time.

Controlling Behavior refers to actions used to dominate, direct, or excessively,…

Controlling behavior refers to actions used to dominate, direct, or excessively influence another person’s thoughts, feelings, choices, or activities. It often stems from a need for power, certainty, security, or fear of losing control.

Common Signs of Controlling Behavior

Constantly telling others what they should do.
Monitoring or checking up on people excessively.
Making decisions for others without their input.
Criticizing or micromanaging how others do things.
Using guilt, threats, intimidation, or manipulation to get compliance.
Isolating someone from friends, family, or support systems.
Demanding excessive reassurance, loyalty, or obedience.
Refusing to respect personal boundaries.

Examples

A partner insists on knowing where their spouse is at all times.
A parent makes major life decisions for an adult child without considering their wishes.
A manager micromanages every detail and allows no autonomy.
A friend uses guilt to pressure someone into doing what they want.

Why People Become Controlling

Controlling behavior may develop from:

Anxiety and fear of uncertainty.
Insecurity or low self-esteem.
Fear of abandonment or rejection.
Perfectionism.
Learned behavior from family or past relationships.
A desire for power and dominance.

Healthy Influence vs. Controlling Behavior

Healthy influence:

Respects autonomy.
Encourages discussion and collaboration.
Accepts disagreement.
Honors boundaries.

Controlling behavior:

Seeks compliance rather than cooperation.
Uses pressure, manipulation, or intimidation.
Disregards boundaries.
Punishes disagreement.

Impact on Others

People subjected to controlling behavior may experience:

Reduced self-confidence.
Anxiety and stress.
Resentment and anger.
Difficulty making independent decisions.
Feelings of being trapped or powerless.

What Helps

Recognize and clearly define boundaries.
Communicate needs assertively.
Encourage mutual respect and autonomy.
Address underlying fears or insecurities.
Consider counseling if the pattern is persistent or damaging.

When controlling behavior becomes severe and involves intimidation, isolation, threats, surveillance, or coercion, it may be considered coercive control, a form of psychological and emotional abuse that may seriously affect a person’s well-being.

Shervan K Shahhian