Tag Archives: loss

Grief is a natural, universal response to loss. Although it is most often associated with the death of a loved one, grief may also follow divorce, the loss of health, unemployment, miscarriage, the end of a relationship, or any significant life change. There may not be a single “correct” way to grieve. People’s responses vary widely depending on their personality, culture, beliefs, relationship to what was lost, coping skills, and available support.

Here are some of the broad categories of normal human responses to grief and loss:

1. Emotional Responses

These could be the most recognizable aspects of grief.

• Sadness and sorrow
• Yearning or longing for the person or what was lost
• Crying spells
• Anger or irritability
• Guilt or regret
• Anxiety or fear
• Loneliness
• Emotional numbness
• Relief (especially after a prolonged illness or suffering)
• Love and gratitude
• Hope that gradually returns
• Moments of joy mixed with sadness
• Substance abuse

Experiencing positive emotions may not mean that someone loved the person less.

2. Cognitive (Thinking) Responses

Grief may affect how people think and process information.

• Difficulty concentrating
• Forgetfulness
• Confusion
• Feeling mentally “foggy”
• Preoccupation with the deceased or the loss
• Replaying events repeatedly
• Questioning meaning or purpose
• Changes in priorities
• Wondering “What if…?”
• Temporary disbelief or feeling the loss isn’t real

3. Physical Responses: Consult with a Medical Doctor.

Grief is experienced throughout the body: Consult with a Medical Doctor.

• Fatigue
• Sleep disturbances
• Appetite changes
• Headaches
• Muscle tension
• Chest tightness
• Feeling physically weak
• Upset stomach or digestive problems
• Changes in energy
• Increased sensitivity to illness

These symptoms maybe common and often lessen with time.

4. Behavioral Responses

People may change how they behave while grieving.

• Withdrawing from others
• Seeking social support
• Crying
• Talking about the deceased
• Visiting meaningful places
• Keeping belongings
• Looking at photographs
• Changes in work performance
• Restlessness
• Reduced motivation
• Temporary forgetfulness
• Increased religious or spiritual activities

5. Social Responses

Grief may influence relationships.

• Wanting more companionship
• Wanting solitude
• Feeling misunderstood
• Becoming closer to family
• Conflict with others due to different grieving styles
• Reduced participation in social activities
• Seeking support groups

6. Spiritual or Existential Responses

Many people reconsider life’s deeper questions.

• Searching for meaning
• Questioning faith
• Strengthening spiritual beliefs or the opposite
• Feeling angry with God
• Wondering about life after death
• Reflecting on mortality
• Reassessing personal values
• Developing greater appreciation for life

7. Sensory and Perceptual Experiences

Many bereaved people may report experiences that can be startling but are generally considered normal during grieving.

These may include:

• Briefly seeing the deceased
• Hearing the deceased’s voice
• Sensing their presence
• Vivid dreams of the deceased
• Smelling a familiar perfume or scent
• Feeling as though the person is nearby

These experiences maybe called bereavement related anomalous experiences or after death communications (ADCs) in bereavement research. They are surprisingly common, are not usually signs of mental illness, and often provide comfort rather than distress.

8. Continuing Bonds

Modern grief research recognizes that many people may maintain an ongoing psychological connection with the deceased.

Examples include:

• Talking to themselves: deceased
• Keeping traditions alive
• Feeling guided by their memory
• Carrying treasured possessions
• Celebrating birthdays or anniversaries
• Living according to values they shared

This is described by the Continuing Bonds Theory and is generally viewed as a healthy aspect of adaptation when it supports rather than interferes with daily life.

9. Meaning Making and Growth

Over time, some people begin to integrate the loss into their lives.

This may include:

• Greater resilience
• Increased compassion
• Changed life priorities
• Stronger relationships
• Personal growth
• New purpose
• Increased appreciation for life
• Deeper spirituality
• Acceptance of life’s uncertainty

This process is sometimes referred to as post traumatic growth, although not everyone experiences it.

Common Features of Normal Grief

Normal grief may include:

• Waves of intense emotion that gradually become less overwhelming
• Good days and bad days
• Emotional “triggers” from anniversaries, music, or places
• Missing the deceased for years while still living a meaningful life
• Gradual adaptation rather than “getting over” the loss

Grief may not be a series of neat stages. While the ideas:  (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) are well known, in modern psychology recognizes that grief is highly individual. People may experience some, all, or none of these reactions, and not in any particular order.

When Grief May Need Professional Support

While grief itself may not be a mental disorder, professional evaluation can be helpful if someone experiences:

• Persistent inability to function for an extended period
• Intense despair that does not gradually soften over time
• Persistent feelings that life is not worth living
• Severe depression or anxiety
• Heavy reliance on alcohol or drugs
• Symptoms consistent with Prolonged Grief Disorder, where intense grief remains persistent and significantly impairs daily life well beyond what is typical for the person’s cultural context.

The Bottom Line

Grief affects the whole person, emotionally, physically, mentally, socially, spiritually, and behaviorally. Most grief reactions, even those that feel unusual (such as sensing the presence of a deceased loved one), fall within the broad spectrum of normal human responses to loss. Rather than following a predictable sequence, healthy grieving usually involves gradually learning to live with the loss while maintaining a meaningful connection to what or whom has been lost.

Shervan K Shahhian

Bereavement Apparitions are experiences in which a person perceives the presence of a deceased loved one after that person’s death. These experiences are surprisingly common and are often reported during the grieving process.

Common Types of Bereavement Apparitions

People may report:

• Seeing: the deceased person briefly.
• Hearing: their voice.
• Feeling their presence: in the room.
• Sensing a touch: such as a hand on the shoulder.
• Smelling a familiar scent: associated with the deceased.
• Having vivid visitation dreams: that feel unusually real.

How Common Are They?

Research in grief psychology and psychical research suggests that bereaved individuals report some form of post death sensory or presence experience. Many people who have these experiences do not have a mental illness and may find them comforting rather than distressing.

Psychological Perspective

Psychologists often view bereavement apparitions as a normal part of adapting to loss. Possible explanations include:

• The mind’s continued expectation that the loved one is present.
• Strong emotional bonds and attachment.
• Memory and perception processes during grief.
• Dreams and altered states occurring during bereavement.

From this perspective, the experience does not necessarily indicate a psychiatric disorder: please, consult with a Psychiatrist.

Parapsychological Perspective

Within the field of Parapsychology, some researchers have considered whether certain bereavement apparitions might represent evidence for the survival of consciousness after death. This remains controversial and has not been accepted as established by stereotypical mainstream science.

When to Seek Help

Bereavement apparitions are generally not considered a problem if they:

• Are brief and comforting.
• Occur in the context of normal grief.
• Do not impair daily functioning.

Professional evaluation may be helpful if the experiences are highly distressing, persistent, involve dangerous commands, or occur alongside other symptoms of psychosis or severe mental illness: please, consult with a Psychiatrist.

Example

A widow may wake during the night and clearly see her deceased husband sitting in a favorite chair for a few seconds before the image fades. She recognizes that her spouse has died, but the experience feels vivid and comforting. This would be a classic example of a bereavement apparition.

Many grief counselors today view such experiences as part of the broad range of normal human responses to loss, regardless of whether they are interpreted psychologically, spiritually, or parapsychologically.

Shervan K Shahhian

After-Death Communications (ADCs) are experiences in which a person feels they have had contact or communication with someone who has died. These experiences are commonly reported by bereaved individuals and may occur spontaneously, often during periods of grief.

Common Types of ADCs

People report a variety of experiences, including:

Sensing a presence of the deceased nearby.

Hearing a voice or receiving a message.

Seeing an apparition or visual image of the deceased.

Dream visitations that feel unusually vivid, meaningful, or real.

Feeling a touch, such as a hand on the shoulder or a hug.

Receiving symbolic signs, such as meaningful coincidences, specific songs, scents, animals, or objects associated with the deceased.

Inner communication, where a message seems to arise in the mind unexpectedly.

How Common Are They?

Research suggests that ADCs are relatively common among bereaved individuals. Some studies have found that a significant percentage of people who have lost a loved one report at least one such experience during the grieving process.

Psychological Perspectives

Psychologists and grief researchers offer several possible explanations:

A normal part of the grieving process.

The mind’s way of maintaining a continuing bond with the deceased.

Memory, emotion, and attachment systems creating vivid experiences.

Meaning making during bereavement.

Importantly, ADCs are not automatically considered signs of mental illness. Many mentally healthy individuals report them.

Parapsychological Perspectives

Researchers in parapsychology have explored whether some ADCs might represent genuine communication from a deceased person. Evidence remains controversial, and there is no scientific consensus that survival of consciousness after death has been proven.

Characteristics Often Reported

Many experiencers describe ADCs as:

Comforting and reassuring.

Clear and vivid.

Different from ordinary imagination.

Accompanied by feelings of peace, love, or certainty.

Example

A widow may suddenly smell her late husband’s distinctive cologne when no source is present, or dream of him appearing healthy and saying, “I’m okay.” She may interpret this as an ADC.

Clinical View

Some grief counselors and mental health professionals may view ADCs as potentially meaningful experiences for the bereaved. Unless they are causing significant distress, impairment, or are accompanied by other symptoms of psychosis, they are generally not treated as pathological.

In grief counseling, ADCs may be discussed within the framework of continuing bonds, a theory suggesting that maintaining an ongoing psychological connection with a deceased loved one may be a healthy part of adapting to loss.

Shervan K Shahhian

Modern grief psychology could be the contemporary scientific understanding of how people experience, process, and adapt to loss, especially the death of a loved one. Unlike some of the older theories that saw grief as a fixed sequence of stages, modern approaches view grief as dynamic, individualized, and influenced by psychological, social, cultural, and biological factors.

Below are possibly the core ideas in modern grief psychology.

1. Moving Beyond the “Stages of Grief”

For many years, grief might have been associated with the five stages:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Modern psychology might recognize that these are not fixed stages. People may:

Skip some
Experience them in different orders
Feel several simultaneously
Move back and forth between emotions

Grief today could be understood as non-linear and highly personal.

2. The Dual Process Model

Possibly, one the influential modern theory could be the Dual Process Model.

It proposes that healthy grieving involves oscillating between two modes:

Loss-oriented coping

Crying
Remembering the deceased
Feeling sadness or longing

Restoration-oriented coping

Adjusting to life changes
Taking on new roles
Engaging in everyday activities

Healthy grief could involve moving back and forth between these states, not staying permanently in one.

3. Continuing Bonds Theory

Earlier psychology might suggest people should “let go” of the deceased.

Modern research, might show that many people maintain continuing bonds with loved ones.

Examples include:

Talking to the deceased internally
Keeping meaningful objects
Feeling guidance or presence
Rituals of remembrance

These bonds can actually support psychological adaptation.

4. Meaning-Making in Grief

Contemporary grief research highlights meaning reconstruction.

Loss could disrupt a person’s sense of meaning and identity. Healing often involves:

Reinterpreting the loss
Rebuilding personal identity
Integrating the loss into one’s life story

This process could often deeply existential or spiritual, which may resonate with individuals engaged in spiritual or anomalous experience exploration.

5. Complicated or Prolonged Grief

Modern psychology might recognize that some individuals develop persistent, debilitating grief.

This condition is now could be recognized as
Prolonged Grief Disorder.

Characteristics include:

Intense longing for the deceased
Persistent emotional pain
Difficulty accepting the death
Identity disruption
Impaired daily functioning

Treatment may include therapies such as:

Complicated Grief Therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Meaning-centered therapy

6. Neuroscience of Grief (CONSULT WITH A NEUROLOGIST)

Recent research could show grief involves brain systems related to:

Attachment
Reward
Memory

The brain may continue expecting the loved person’s presence, which explains experiences like:

sensing the person nearby
hearing their voice internally
dreaming vividly about them

These might often be part of normal bereavement phenomena rather than pathology.

7. Cultural and Spiritual Dimensions

Modern grief psychology may recognize that grief is shaped by:

cultural rituals
spiritual beliefs
community support
personal worldview

Some people may engage in existential or parapsychological exploration, grief may also include:

anomalous experiences of the deceased
spiritual interpretation of death
altered states of consciousness

Some researchers might increasingly study these as meaningful aspects of bereavement, not simply symptoms.

In summary:
Modern grief psychology might view grief as:

Nonlinear
Individualized
Relational (continuing bonds)
Meaning-seeking
Influenced by brain, culture, and spirituality

Grief might no longer be seen as something to “get over,” but rather something people integrate into their ongoing life narrative.

Shervan K Shahhian

The psychological grief process could refer to the emotional, cognitive, and behavioral ways people respond to loss, especially the death of a loved one. Modern psychology might no longer see grief as a simple linear set of stages, but as a dynamic process of adaptation to loss.

Here are the some psychological models used to understand grief:

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1. Stage Model of Grief

Proposed five emotional stages people may experience after a major loss:

1. Denial: Shock, disbelief, emotional numbness
2. Anger: Frustration, resentment, questioning “Why?”
3. Bargaining: Mental attempts to undo the loss (“If only…”)
4. Depression: Deep sadness, withdrawal, despair
5. Acceptance: Gradual adjustment to the new reality

Modern psychology could emphasize that people do not move through these stages in order, and some may skip stages entirely.

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2. Dual Process Model of Grief

This model could say that grieving people oscillate between two psychological states:

1. Loss-oriented coping

• Crying
• Remembering the deceased
• Feeling sadness
• Processing the emotional pain

2. Restoration-oriented coping

• Adjusting to life changes
• Taking on new roles
• Returning to daily tasks
• Rebuilding life structure

Healthy grieving could involve moving back and forth between these modes.

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3. Meaning Reconstruction Model

This model might emphasize making sense of the loss.

Psychological tasks include:

• Searching for meaning in the loss
• Reconstructing identity (who am I without this person?)
• Maintaining a continuing bond with the deceased through memories or symbolic connection

This model could widely be used in modern grief therapy.

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4. Continuing Bonds Theory

Instead of “letting go,” some people maintain a psychological relationship with the deceased, such as:

• Talking to the person internally
• Dreams or felt presence
• Keeping meaningful objects
• Ritual remembrance

Psychology might recognize that healthy grief often includes ongoing bonds.

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5. Complicated or Prolonged Grief

Sometimes the grief process becomes stuck or overwhelming.

This condition is called Prolonged Grief Disorder and may involve:

• Persistent intense yearning
• Difficulty accepting the death
• Identity disruption
• Emotional numbness
• Severe functional impairment

It could require specialized grief therapy.

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 In modern psychology, grief might be understood as an adaptation process rather than a disease.
Some people gradually learn to integrate the loss into their life story.

Shervan K Shahhian

Bereavement psychology is the branch of psychology that studies how people mentally, emotionally, and behaviorally respond to the death of a loved one. It focuses on the processes of grief, mourning, and adaptation after loss.

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1. What “Bereavement” Means

• Bereavement: the objective condition of having lost someone through death.
• Grief: the internal emotional response to that loss.
• Mourning: the outward expression of grief (rituals, crying, funerals, cultural practices).

Some psychologists might study how these processes affect:

• emotions
• cognition
• behavior
• identity
• relationships

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2. Some Typical Psychological Reactions to Bereavement

Common reactions could include:

Emotional

• sadness
• longing or yearning
• anger
• guilt
• loneliness

Cognitive

• intrusive memories
• thinking about the deceased constantly
• difficulty concentrating
• temporary disbelief

Physical

• fatigue
• sleep disturbances
• appetite changes

Behavioral

• social withdrawal
• visiting meaningful places
• maintaining symbolic bonds with the deceased

These reactions could be normal adaptive responses, not mental illness.

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3. Some Major Psychological Models of Bereavement

1. Stage Model of Grief

Five commonly described reactions:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Modern psychology might emphasize that people do not experience these in a fixed order.

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2. Attachment Model

Grief could be seen as a response to the loss of an attachment bond.

Typical phases:

1. Shock and numbness
2. Yearning and searching
3. Disorganization
4. Reorganization

This might model explain why grief might feel like separation distress.

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3. Dual Process Model

Grieving people oscillate between two coping modes:

Loss-oriented

• crying
• remembering
• longing

Restoration-oriented

• rebuilding life
• adapting to new roles
• focusing on daily functioning

Healthy grieving could involve in moving back and forth between these modes.

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4. Continuing Bonds Theory

Instead of “letting go,” some people might often maintain a continuing psychological relationship with the deceased through:

• memories
• dreams
• symbolic communication
• feeling their presence

Modern grief psychology could consider this normal and healthy.

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4. Bereavement Hallucinations or “Grief Visions”

Some bereaved individuals might report experiences such as:

• sensing the presence of the deceased
• hearing their voice
• seeing them briefly in dreams or waking states

Psychology typically could interpret these as:

Some research might suggest that some widowed people experience something like this.

• normal grief phenomena
• attachment-related imagery
• memory activation during emotional stress

Parapsychology might study them as possible anomalous experiences.

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5. When Grief Becomes Clinical

Most grief gradually softens.
But sometimes it becomes persistent and impairing.

This condition is called:

• Prolonged Grief Disorder

Symptoms may include:

• intense yearning lasting over a year
• inability to accept the death
• identity disruption
• severe functional impairment

Treatment may involve grief therapy or specialized psychotherapy.

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6. Goals of Bereavement Adaptation

Healthy adjustment does not mean forgetting the person.

Psychologically, the goals could be:

• accepting the reality of the loss
• integrating the memory of the deceased
• rebuilding meaning in life
• forming a continuing bond without disabling distress

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There can also a fascinating overlap between bereavement psychology and anomalous experiences (after-death communications, grief apparitions, crisis visions).

Shervan K Shahhian

After-Death Communications (ADCs) could be experiences in which a living person perceives contact or communication from someone who has died. These experiences could be widely reported in grief research and are discussed in both clinical psychology and parapsychology.

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1. What an ADC Is

An After-Death Communication is any subjective experience in which a bereaved person feels they receive a message, presence, or contact from the deceased.

They often occur spontaneously, without attempts to summon spirits, and are commonly reported during the early stages of bereavement.

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2. Common Types of ADCs

Reports could tend to fall into several categories:

1. Sensed Presence

The bereaved person might strongly feels the deceased nearby.

Examples:

• Feeling someone sit on the bed
• Feeling watched or protected
• A sudden emotional wave of the person’s presence

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2. Visual Apparitions

The person briefly sees the deceased.

Features:

• Often vivid and realistic
• Usually short (seconds to minutes)
• The figure may appear peaceful or younger.

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3. Auditory Communications

Hearing the deceased’s voice.

Examples:

• Hearing their name called
• Hearing comforting words like “I’m okay.”

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4. Dream Visitations

Very common ADC type.

Characteristics:

• Extremely vivid dreams
• Clear message or emotional closure
• The deceased appears healthy and calm.

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5. Tactile Experiences

Physical sensations such as:

• A touch on the shoulder
• Feeling a hug
• Bed movement

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6. Symbolic Signs

People interpret unusual events as communication.

Examples:

• Objects moving
• Electronics turning on
• Meaningful coincidences.

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3. How Common Are ADCs?

Some research might suggest they are surprisingly common.

Studies indicate:

• Some of bereaved people report at least one ADC.
• They occur across cultures, religions, and belief systems.
• Many experiencers were not expecting them.

This is why grief researchers consider them a normal aspect of bereavement for many people.

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4. Some Psychological Interpretation

In clinical psychology, ADCs could often interpreted as part of the grief adaptation process.

Possible explanations include:

• Memory activation of the deceased
• Dream processing
• Emotional coping mechanisms
• The brain maintaining a continuing bond with the loved one.

The model might argue that healthy grieving often includes maintaining an inner relationship with the deceased.

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5. Parapsychological Interpretation

Some parapsychologists consider several possibilities:

1. Survival Hypothesis
   The consciousness of the deceased survives death and communicates.
2. Psi-Mediated Experience (Super-Psi)
   The living person unconsciously uses psi abilities (telepathy, clairvoyance) to create the experience.
3. Living-Agent Psi Model
   The experience is produced by the mind of the experiencer rather than the deceased.

Some of these models are discussed in modern research organizations such as Parapsychological Association and the Society for Psychical Research.

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6. Differences from Psychiatric Hallucinations

Some researchers emphasize that ADCs typically differ from pathological hallucinations.

Common differences:

ADC	Psychiatric Hallucination
Usually comforting	Often distressing
Occurs during grief	Linked to mental disorder
Rare and brief	Persistent or frequent
Person retains insight	Often loss of insight

Because of these differences, many psychologists view ADCs as non-pathological grief experiences.

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 Key Point:
For some people, ADCs are not considered mental illness but a subjectively meaningful experience during bereavement.

Shervan K Shahhian