Tag Archives: self-improvement

Conversational Hypnosis, what is it:

Conversational Hypnosis:

Conversational Hypnosis — also called covert hypnosis or indirect hypnosis — is a communication technique used to influence someone’s subconscious mind through ordinary conversation, without them necessarily being aware that hypnosis is occurring.

Core Concept:

Conversational hypnosis uses language patterns, suggestion, and rapport-building to gently bypass the critical, analytical part of the mind and access the unconscious — where deeper change can happen (e.g., altering beliefs, attitudes, behaviors).

Key Techniques in Conversational Hypnosis:

Rapport Building
Establishing trust, empathy, and psychological alignment with the listener. Without rapport, the subconscious is less receptive.

Pacing and Leading
Start by stating observable truths (pacing), which builds agreement, then subtly guide the person toward a suggestion or desired thought (leading).

  • Example: “You’re sitting here reading this, maybe curious about how your mind works… and as you continue, you might begin to notice…”

Hypnotic Language Patterns (Ericksonian)
Inspired by Milton Erickson, these include:

  • Embedded commands: “You might begin to feel more confident.”
  • Double binds: “Would you prefer to relax now or in a few minutes?”
  • Tag questions: “That makes sense, doesn’t it?”
  • Implied causality: “As you sit here, you’ll naturally start to feel more at ease.”

Metaphors and Stories
Personal or symbolic stories bypass resistance and embed suggestions indirectly.

  • E.g., “I once knew someone who used to doubt themselves, but something shifted when they realized…”

Open Loops and Curiosity
Creating unresolved ideas or stories keeps the subconscious engaged and primed to accept suggestions.

  • “There’s something I want to tell you that could really change how you think about confidence…”

Applications of Conversational Hypnosis:

  • Therapy and coaching (e.g., building motivation, reducing anxiety)
  • Sales and negotiation (ethical influence)
  • Public speaking (engaging an audience deeply)
  • Personal development and habit change

Ethical Considerations:

Conversational hypnosis can be powerful and should be used with integrity. Misuse for manipulation or coercion can be harmful. When applied ethically, it’s a tool for positive influence, healing, and growth.

Here’s a simple example of a conversation using conversational hypnosis techniques, particularly drawn from Milton Erickson’s indirect approach. Imagine this is a therapist or coach helping someone feel more confident:

Scene: A client feels nervous about public speaking.

Coach:
“You know, a lot of people feel a little uncertain before they speak. And it’s perfectly natural, isn’t it? After all, when you care about something, it means you want to do it well… and just the fact that you care means something’s already working inside.”

(Rapport + pacing experience)

Client:
“Yeah, I guess so. I just get tense before I speak.”

Coach:
“And that tension… that’s just energy, really. A kind of energy that, once it shifts, can actually become focus. Have you noticed how sometimes when you’re doing something important, you almost forget the nervousness… and something else takes over?”

(Reframe + implied causality + open loop)

Client:
“Sometimes, yeah… when I’m in the zone.”

Coach:
“Exactly. And as you think about times you’ve been ‘in the zone,’ you might find it interesting… that the mind can remember that state and even return to it more easily than expected. Some people are surprised how quickly they can shift, once they allow that process to begin.”

(Embedded suggestion + indirect priming of internal resources)

Client:
“Huh, I never thought about it that way.”

Coach:
“Most people don’t, until they realize… that calm and confidence are already part of who they are. Maybe they were just waiting for the right moment to come back.”

What’s Happening Under the Surface:

  • No direct command like “Relax!” or “Be confident!”
  • Subtle suggestions are embedded within casual conversation.
  • The client’s subconscious is gently guided to associate past success with present potential.
  • The coach uses open language, reframing, and metaphors of natural learning and transformation.

Shervan K Shahhian

Fostering a Culture of Lifelong Learning and Humility, how:

Fostering a Culture of Lifelong Learning and Humility, how:

Fostering a culture of lifelong learning and humility — whether in a school, workplace, community, or personal life — requires intentional structures, modeling, and attitudes. 

Here’s how to cultivate both:

1. Model Lifelong Learning

  • Leaders go first: Teachers, managers, parents, or team leaders should demonstrate curiosity and share what they’re currently learning.
  • Normalize phrases like:
  • “I don’t know, but I’d love to find out.”
  • “Here’s something I recently discovered…”

2. Encourage Growth Mindset (Carol Dweck’s Work)

  • Frame intelligence and skills as developable, not fixed.
  • Praise effort, strategy, and progress over innate ability.
  • Instead of: “You’re so smart,” say: “You’ve worked hard at this.”

3. Create Access to Learning Opportunities

  • Offer and promote ongoing learning through:
  • Online courses, books, lectures, training
  • Internal knowledge-sharing sessions
  • Funding for continuing education

4. Celebrate Questions, Not Just Answers

  • Design environments where asking questions is more valued than having the right answers.
  • Build in:
  • “Question of the day” practices
  • Reflection prompts like “What did I unlearn today?”

5. Promote Intellectual Humility

  • Encourage people to:
  • Change their minds when shown new evidence.
  • Recognize cognitive biases and blind spots.
  • Use language like:
     “I might be wrong…” or “I see your point — let me rethink mine.”

6. Diverse Perspectives = Learning Opportunities

  • Expose people to different cultures, viewpoints, and disciplines.
  • Emphasize the idea that no one person or group has all the answers.

7. Feedback Culture

  • Promote constructive feedback as a growth tool.
  • Encourage a two-way street:
  • Leaders ask for feedback from junior team members.
  • Students critique teachers respectfully.

8. Institutionalize It

  • Build lifelong learning into:
  • Performance reviews
  • Mission statements
  • Job descriptions or school rubrics
  • Mentorship or peer-learning program

 9. Encourage Reflective Practice

  • Include regular time for:
  • Journaling
  • Team retrospectives
  • Self-assessments
  • Ask questions like:
     “What did you learn this week?”
     “What mistake taught you the most?”

10. Embrace Mistakes and Uncertainty

  • Cultivate safety around not knowing.
  • Reinforce that mistakes are essential data in the learning process.
  • Share stories of “failures that led to growth.”

Shervan K Shahhian

How can we Challenge and Reframe our Anxious Thoughts:

Challenging and reframing anxious thoughts involves recognizing those thoughts, questioning their validity, and replacing them with more balanced and constructive alternatives. 

Here are some steps to help reframe anxious thoughts:

Identify and Acknowledge the Anxious Thought: The first step is to be aware of when you’re feeling anxious. Pay attention to specific thoughts that trigger this anxiety.

Examine the Evidence: Look at the evidence for and against the anxious thought. Ask yourself, “What evidence do I have that supports this thought?” and “What evidence contradicts it?”

Challenge the Thought: Consider whether the thought is based on facts or assumptions. Ask yourself:

Is this thought based on reality or is it exaggerated?

Am I catastrophizing (expecting the worst)?

Is this thought really helpful or is it keeping me stuck?

Reframe the Thought: Once you’ve challenged the thought, reframe it in a more realistic and balanced way. For example, if you think, “I’m going to fail,” reframe it to, “I may not succeed right away, but I can learn from this experience and improve.”

Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that everyone has moments of doubt or anxiety. Instead of criticizing yourself, offer understanding and encouragement.

Consider the Bigger Picture: Sometimes, anxiety can stem from a narrow focus on one particular issue. Try to step back and view the situation from a broader perspective. Ask, “How important will this be a year from now?” or “What’s the worst that could realistically happen, and how could I cope with it?”

Focus on Actionable Steps: Instead of staying stuck in anxious thoughts, focus on what you can do to move forward. Taking small steps can reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Use Mindfulness: Practice being present in the moment rather than ruminating on past or future worries. Mindfulness helps you separate yourself from your anxious thoughts and view them as temporary rather than definitive.

By consistently practicing these techniques, you can develop healthier ways of thinking that reduce the power of anxiety.

Shervan K Shahhian

The art and science of Getting Things Done:

The art and science of Getting Things Done:

“The Art and Science of Getting Things Done” revolves around effective productivity and personal organization. This concept often ties back to David Allen’s Getting Things Done (GTD) methodology, which combines psychological principles, systematic tools, and actionable strategies to help individuals manage their tasks and projects efficiently.

Here’s an overview of the key elements that make this approach both an art and a science:

The Science

Cognitive Psychology
The GTD methodology aligns with how the brain processes and retains information. By externalizing tasks and organizing them systematically, you free up mental bandwidth for creative and focused thinking.

Systematic Framework
GTD emphasizes a structured workflow:

  • Capture: Collect everything that requires attention (ideas, tasks, commitments).
  • Clarify: Break down what needs action versus what can be deferred or discarded.
  • Organize: Categorize tasks into actionable lists (e.g., “Next Actions,” “Projects”).
  • Reflect: Regularly review your system to keep it up to date.
  • Engage: Take action based on priorities and contexts.

Neuroscience and Stress Reduction
Keeping track of unfinished tasks in your head creates a mental load (known as the Zeigarnik Effect). Writing down tasks reduces stress and provides clarity.

Productivity Metrics
GTD encourages measurable results, such as reduced missed deadlines, more efficient decision-making, and better prioritization.

The Art

Personalization
The method allows for flexibility in how you apply it. Whether you prefer analog tools (e.g., notebooks) or digital systems (e.g., task management apps), the framework adapts to your style.

Creativity and Intuition
Once tasks are organized, the freedom to focus on creative, high-value work becomes possible. This shift enables more inspired and innovative outputs.

Adapting to Contexts
GTD thrives on recognizing and adapting to varying situations — balancing the urgency of tasks with broader goals like personal growth or professional milestones.

Flow and Fulfillment
Mastery of GTD brings a sense of accomplishment and ease, making it more than just a task list — it’s a lifestyle approach.

Practical Tips for Mastery

  • Use Tools Wisely: Apps like Todoist, Notion, or Trello can bring structure to the GTD process.
  • Regular Reviews: A weekly review ensures your system stays relevant and organized.
  • Start Small: Begin with capturing and clarifying a few tasks, then gradually build the habit.
  • Embrace Iteration: Experiment with the framework and tweak it as needed.

Mastering the art and science of getting things done isn’t just about achieving more — it’s about doing so with clarity, focus, and satisfaction.

Shervan K Shahhian

How to Defeat Self-Doubt:

How to Defeat Self-Doubt:

Overcoming self-doubt is a journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and consistent effort. 

Here are strategies to help you conquer self-doubt:

1. Identify the Source of Your Doubts

  • Reflect on what triggers your self-doubt. Is it past failures, criticism, perfectionism, or fear of judgment?
  • Understanding the root cause can help you address it directly.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts

  • Recognize negative self-talk and question its validity.
  • Replace thoughts like “I’m not good enough” with “I’m learning and improving every day.”

3. Focus on Your Strengths

  • List your accomplishments and skills. Celebrate even small victories.
  • Remind yourself of times you succeeded despite challenges.

4. Set Realistic Goals

  • Break down your objectives into manageable steps.
  • Celebrate progress rather than expecting perfection.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

  • Treat yourself with kindness, as you would a friend.
  • Forgive yourself for mistakes and view them as learning opportunities.

6. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

  • Seek out individuals who uplift and encourage you.
  • Limit time spent with those who fuel your insecurities.

7. Take Action

  • Procrastination often amplifies self-doubt. Start small and build momentum.
  • Each step forward reinforces your confidence.

8. Learn from Failures

  • Embrace failure as part of the growth process.
  • Analyze what went wrong and how you can improve without blaming yourself harshly.

9. Adopt a Growth Mindset

  • Believe that abilities and intelligence can be developed with effort.
  • View challenges as opportunities to grow.

10. Seek Professional Help if Needed

  • Therapists or coaches can provide guidance tailored to your situation.
  • They can help you identify patterns and develop coping strategies.

11. Practice Gratitude and Mindfulness

  • Focus on the positive aspects of your life and achievements.
  • Use mindfulness to stay present and reduce overthinking.

12. Take Care of Your Well-Being

  • Ensure you’re eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.
  • Physical health directly impacts mental resilience.

By consistently applying these strategies, you can gradually build confidence and diminish self-doubt. It’s a process, so be patient and gentle with yourself along the way.

Shervan K Shahhian

How to tackle Negative Thoughts:

How to tackle Negative Thoughts:

Tackling negative thoughts can be challenging, but with the right strategies, you can manage them effectively and develop a more positive mindset. Here are some approaches:

1. Understand and Identify Negative Thoughts

  • Self-awareness: Recognize when negative thoughts arise. Pay attention to triggers, patterns, or situations that lead to them.
  • Label the thought: Ask yourself, “Is this thought helpful or unhelpful?”

2. Challenge the Thought

  • Question its validity: Ask, “Is this thought based on facts, or is it an assumption?”
  • Reframe it: Replace negative thoughts with balanced or positive alternatives. For example, instead of “I always fail,” think, “Sometimes I fail, but I also succeed.”
  • Evidence check: Look for evidence supporting or contradicting the thought.

3. Practice Mindfulness

  • Stay present instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
  • Use mindfulness techniques like deep breathing or meditation to observe thoughts without judgment.

4. Engage in Positive Activities

  • Distract yourself with activities that bring joy or relaxation, such as hobbies, exercise, or socializing.
  • Surround yourself with supportive and uplifting people.

5. Use Affirmations and Gratitude

  • Affirmations: Repeat positive statements like, “I am capable,” or “I am worthy.”
  • Gratitude: Reflect on things you’re grateful for daily. This shifts focus from negativity to positivity.

6. Set Realistic Goals

  • Break large tasks into smaller, achievable steps.
  • Celebrate small wins to build confidence.

7. Write It Down

  • Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings. This can help clarify your emotions and reduce their intensity.
  • Thought record: Document the situation, your thought, and a balanced perspective.

8. Practice Self-Compassion

  • Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, as you would a friend.
  • Acknowledge that everyone has negative thoughts and makes mistakes.

9. Seek Professional Help

  • If negative thoughts persist or become overwhelming, consider talking to a therapist or counselor.
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for addressing negative thought patterns.

10. Develop a Routine

  • A consistent routine with healthy habits (e.g., balanced diet, regular exercise, and sufficient sleep) can improve mental well-being and reduce negativity.
  • “CONSULT WITH A MEDICAL DOCTOR”

Shervan K Shahhian

How to Defeat Self-Doubt:

How to Defeat Self-Doubt:

Overcoming self-doubt is a journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and consistent effort. 

Here are strategies to help you conquer self-doubt:

1. Identify the Source of Your Doubts

  • Reflect on what triggers your self-doubt. Is it past failures, criticism, perfectionism, or fear of judgment?
  • Understanding the root cause can help you address it directly.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts

  • Recognize negative self-talk and question its validity.
  • Replace thoughts like “I’m not good enough” with “I’m learning and improving every day.”

3. Focus on Your Strengths

  • List your accomplishments and skills. Celebrate even small victories.
  • Remind yourself of times you succeeded despite challenges.

4. Set Realistic Goals

  • Break down your objectives into manageable steps.
  • Celebrate progress rather than expecting perfection.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

  • Treat yourself with kindness, as you would a friend.
  • Forgive yourself for mistakes and view them as learning opportunities.

6. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

  • Seek out individuals who uplift and encourage you.
  • Limit time spent with those who fuel your insecurities.

7. Take Action

  • Procrastination often amplifies self-doubt. Start small and build momentum.
  • Each step forward reinforces your confidence.

8. Learn from Failures

  • Embrace failure as part of the growth process.
  • Analyze what went wrong and how you can improve without blaming yourself harshly.

9. Adopt a Growth Mindset

  • Believe that abilities and intelligence can be developed with effort.
  • View challenges as opportunities to grow.

10. Seek Professional Help if Needed

  • Therapists or coaches can provide guidance tailored to your situation.
  • They can help you identify patterns and develop coping strategies.

11. Practice Gratitude and Mindfulness

  • Focus on the positive aspects of your life and achievements.
  • Use mindfulness to stay present and reduce overthinking.

12. Take Care of Your Well-Being

  • Ensure you’re eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.
  • Physical health directly impacts mental resilience.

By consistently applying these strategies, you can gradually build confidence and diminish self-doubt. It’s a process, so be patient and gentle with yourself along the way.

Shervan K Shahhian

How to tackle Negative Thoughts:

How to tackle Negative Thoughts:

Tackling negative thoughts can be challenging, but with the right strategies, you can manage them effectively and develop a more positive mindset. Here are some approaches:

1. Understand and Identify Negative Thoughts

  • Self-awareness: Recognize when negative thoughts arise. Pay attention to triggers, patterns, or situations that lead to them.
  • Label the thought: Ask yourself, “Is this thought helpful or unhelpful?”

2. Challenge the Thought

  • Question its validity: Ask, “Is this thought based on facts, or is it an assumption?”
  • Reframe it: Replace negative thoughts with balanced or positive alternatives. For example, instead of “I always fail,” think, “Sometimes I fail, but I also succeed.”
  • Evidence check: Look for evidence supporting or contradicting the thought.

3. Practice Mindfulness

  • Stay present instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
  • Use mindfulness techniques like deep breathing or meditation to observe thoughts without judgment.

4. Engage in Positive Activities

  • Distract yourself with activities that bring joy or relaxation, such as hobbies, exercise, or socializing.
  • Surround yourself with supportive and uplifting people.

5. Use Affirmations and Gratitude

  • Affirmations: Repeat positive statements like, “I am capable,” or “I am worthy.”
  • Gratitude: Reflect on things you’re grateful for daily. This shifts focus from negativity to positivity.

6. Set Realistic Goals

  • Break large tasks into smaller, achievable steps.
  • Celebrate small wins to build confidence.

7. Write It Down

  • Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings. This can help clarify your emotions and reduce their intensity.
  • Thought record: Document the situation, your thought, and a balanced perspective.

8. Practice Self-Compassion

  • Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, as you would a friend.
  • Acknowledge that everyone has negative thoughts and makes mistakes.

9. Seek Professional Help

  • If negative thoughts persist or become overwhelming, consider talking to a therapist or counselor.
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for addressing negative thought patterns.

10. Develop a Routine

  • A consistent routine with healthy habits (e.g., balanced diet, regular exercise, and sufficient sleep) can improve mental well-being and reduce negativity.

Shervan K Shahhian

Procrastination, why does it happen:

Procrastination, why does it happen:

Procrastination is a complex phenomenon influenced by various psychological, emotional, and situational factors.

Here are some reasons why it happens:

Fear of Failure: Procrastination often stems from a fear of not being able to meet high expectations or standards. People may delay tasks to avoid the possibility of failure, which can be overwhelming or demotivating.

Perfectionism: Some individuals have a perfectionist mindset, believing that their work must be flawless. As a result, they delay starting tasks because they fear they won’t be able to achieve perfection.

Lack of Motivation: Tasks that seem boring, uninteresting, or irrelevant may lead to procrastination because there’s no immediate motivation to start them.

Poor Time Management: Procrastination can occur when individuals underestimate the time required to complete a task or fail to prioritize effectively. This can lead to a sense of being overwhelmed and avoiding the task altogether.

Distractions: In today’s digital age, distractions such as social media, emails, or entertainment can easily divert attention away from important tasks, leading to procrastination.

Low Self-Efficacy: Procrastination can be a result of low self-confidence or a lack of belief in one’s ability to successfully complete a task. This can create feelings of anxiety or inadequacy, making it difficult to start working.

Instant Gratification: People may procrastinate because they are drawn to immediate rewards or pleasures rather than long-term goals. Tasks with delayed rewards are often postponed in favor of more instantly gratifying activities.

Avoidance of Discomfort: Tasks that involve discomfort, such as conflict resolution or confronting difficult emotions, may be avoided through procrastination as a means of temporarily relieving discomfort.

Overwhelm: When facing a large or complex task, individuals may feel overwhelmed, leading them to postpone starting the task until they feel more prepared or capable.

Lack of Clear Goals: Without clear goals or objectives, individuals may struggle to understand the purpose or significance of a task, making it easier to postpone or avoid.

Understanding the underlying reasons for procrastination can help individuals develop strategies to overcome it, such as breaking tasks into smaller, more manageable steps, setting deadlines, creating a conducive work environment, and addressing any underlying fears or anxieties.

Shervan K Shahhian

Being resilient takes motivation, why is that:

Being resilient takes motivation, why is that:

Resilience is often associated with motivation because it involves the ability to bounce back from setbacks, adapt to challenges, and persevere in the face of difficulties.

Motivation plays a crucial role in building and maintaining resilience for several reasons:

Goal Orientation: Resilience is closely linked to having clear goals and a sense of purpose. Motivation provides the drive and determination to pursue these goals, even when faced with obstacles. Having a strong motivation helps individuals stay focused on their objectives and navigate challenges with a positive mindset.

Positive Outlook: Motivation contributes to a positive outlook on life. When individuals are motivated, they are more likely to view challenges as temporary setbacks rather than insurmountable barriers. This positive mindset is a key component of resilience, as it enables individuals to approach difficulties with a belief that they can overcome them.

Adaptability: Resilience involves the ability to adapt to changing circumstances. Motivated individuals are more likely to embrace change, learn from experiences, and adjust their strategies as needed. The desire to achieve one’s goals can drive the willingness to adapt and find new solutions in the face of adversity.

Endurance and Perseverance: Resilience requires endurance and perseverance, and these qualities are fueled by motivation. When individuals are motivated, they are more likely to persist in their efforts, even when the going gets tough. The intrinsic desire to achieve one’s goals provides the necessary fuel to keep going despite challenges.

Emotional Regulation: Motivation can contribute to better emotional regulation. Resilient individuals are able to manage their emotions effectively, and motivation plays a role in maintaining a positive emotional state. This emotional stability is crucial when facing difficult situations and contributes to the overall ability to bounce back.

In summary, motivation serves as a driving force behind the behaviors and attitudes that contribute to resilience. It provides individuals with the energy, focus, and determination needed to face challenges, learn from experiences, and persist in the pursuit of their goals.

Shervan K Shahhian