Uncategorized – Page 30 – LIBERTY PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION

Creating Emotional Safety, how:

Creating emotional safety may not be about being “nice all the time”, it’s about building a relationship where people can be real without fear of punishment, rejection, or humiliation. It’s foundational in therapy, leadership, and intimate relationships, and heavily emphasized in approaches like Attachment Theory.

Here’s what actually creates emotional safety in a practical, grounded way:

1. Predictability: “I know how you’ll respond”

People feel safe when your reactions are consistent.

Avoid sudden emotional swings or unpredictable anger
Respond instead of reacting
Follow through on what you say

Unpredictability: vigilance, not safety

2. Non-judgmental listening

This is where some people might think they’re good, but aren’t.

Listen to understand, not correct or fix
Don’t immediately evaluate (“That’s irrational,” “You shouldn’t feel that way”)
Reflect back what you hear

Example:

Unsafe: “That doesn’t make sense.”
Safe: “That really affected you. Tell me more.”

3. Emotional validation

Validation doesn’t mean agreement, it means acknowledgment.

“That makes sense given what you went through”
“I can see why you’d feel that way”

This may align with emotional attunement models used in Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Without validation, people feel invisible or wrong

4. Repair after rupture

Safety isn’t the absence of conflict, it’s how you handle it.

Own your part without defensiveness
Apologize specifically (“I shut you down earlier, that wasn’t fair”)
Reconnect intentionally

Repair attempts maybe one of the strongest predictors of relationship stability.

5. Emotional regulation (your side)

If you can’t regulate yourself, you can’t create safety for others.

Notice escalation early (tight chest, faster speech, irritability)
Take pauses instead of pushing through
Return when calmer

Dysregulation in one person spreads quickly to the other

6. Boundaries (clear, not harsh)

Surprisingly, boundaries increase safety.

Say what is and isn’t okay
Be consistent
Avoid passive-aggressive behavior

Example:

“I want to keep talking, but not if we’re yelling. Let’s pause and come back.”

7. No weaponizing vulnerability

This is a dealbreaker.

Don’t bring up someone’s past disclosures during conflict
Don’t mock, minimize, or expose their insecurities

Once vulnerability is used against someone, safety collapses fast

8. Warmth and responsiveness

Small behaviors matter more than big speeches.

Eye contact
Tone of voice
Turning toward bids for connection (“Hey, listen to this…”)

Gottman calls these “bids”, and consistently responding to them builds long-term trust.

9. Psychological permission to be imperfect

People feel safe when they don’t have to perform.

Allow mistakes without overreaction
Normalize emotional complexity
Avoid perfection standards

This connects with the concept of Psychological Safety, often used in teams but just as relevant in relationships.

What destroys emotional safety (quick reality check)

Contempt (eye-rolling, sarcasm, superiority)
Chronic criticism (attacking the person, not the behavior)
Defensiveness
Stonewalling

Bottom line

Emotional safety is built through repeated micro-experiences:

“When I show up honestly, I’m met with understanding, not danger.”

It’s less about techniques and more about consistency over time.

Shervan K Shahhian

Parapsychology: “Consciousness Traveling”:

“Consciousness traveling” may mean a few very different things depending on the lens you’re using, psychological, neuroscientific, or more esoteric. It’s worth separating them so you don’t end up mixing fundamentally different phenomena.

Psychological / experiential (most grounded)

Here, “traveling” doesn’t mean your consciousness literally leaves your body, it means your sense of self shifts location or perspective.

Common examples:

Mental time travel, vividly reliving the past or imagining the future
Deep visualization, feeling “present” in an imagined place
Dissociation, sense of being detached or observing yourself
Flow states, losing awareness of your physical surroundings

Your mind is constructing a virtual reality model, and attention moves within it. No actual displacement, just reallocation of awareness.

Neuroscience view: CONSULT WITH A NEUROLOGIST

From a mind perspective, consciousness maybe tied to:

distributed neural activity
attentional networks
sensory integration

So “travel”: changes in which neural networks dominate.

For example:

Default Mode Network, internal thoughts, self-reflection
Salience / attention networks, external focus

The “movement” is really state-shifting, not spatial movement.

Out-of-body experiences (OBEs)

This is where the idea gets closer to what people mean by traveling.

OBEs can feel like:

floating above your body
moving through space
entering other environments

They’re often linked to:

sleep paralysis
trauma or extreme stress
meditation or sensory deprivation

Neuroscience: CONSULT WITH A NEUROLOGIST, ties these to disruptions in the temporo-parietal junction, which helps anchor your sense of “self-location.”

So the experience is real, but evidence suggests it’s a constructed perception, not literal travel.

Parapsychology / esoteric interpretations

In fields like remote viewing or astral projection, consciousness is proposed to:

operate independently of the body
access distant locations or information

Programs like those explored by the Stanford Research Institute investigated this. Results were controversial:

Some anomalous findings
But some consistently replicable, controlled proof

So this remains semiproven, though widely explored.

Important grounding point

It’s tempting to interpret intense internal experiences as literal travel, but there’s a big difference between:

“It feels like I went somewhere”
vs.
“I actually left my body and traveled”

Right now, all reliable evidence supports the first, not the second.

If you’re exploring this personally

A more useful framing might be:

You’re training attention and perception, not leaving your body
Experiences can become extremely vivid and convincing
The skill is learning to navigate internal states without over-interpreting them.

Shervan K Shahhian

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy as a body centered form of psychotherapy that integrates talk therapy with awareness of physical sensations, posture, movement, and nervous system responses:

Pat Ogden developed Sensorimotor Psychotherapy as a body centered form of psychotherapy that integrates talk therapy with awareness of physical sensations, posture, movement, and nervous system responses. It is commonly used in trauma treatment, attachment repair, anxiety, dissociation, and emotional regulation.

The core idea maybe traumatic or emotionally overwhelming experiences are not stored only as memories or thoughts, they are also stored in the body through muscle tension, defensive reactions, autonomic nervous system patterns, and habitual movement.

Instead of focusing only on what happened, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy also explores:

What happens in the body right now
Physical sensations
Breathing patterns
Impulses toward movement or protection
Nervous system activation (fight, flight, freeze, collapse):CONSULT WITH A NEUROLOGIST
Procedural memory (“body memory”)

For example, a person describing fear may notice:

Tight shoulders
Shallow breathing
A frozen posture
An urge to pull away or protect themselves

The therapist may help the client observe these reactions safely and gradually process them rather than becoming overwhelmed.

Main Principles

Bottom-Up Processing

Traditional therapies may often work “top-down” through thinking and insight.
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy may also use “bottom-up” processing working directly with bodily experience and the nervous system.

Mindfulness of the Body

Clients learn to track:

Sensations
Movement
Tension
Temperature
Heart rate changes
Impulses

This might build nervous system awareness and self-regulation.

Completing Defensive Responses

Trauma sometimes interrupts natural survival actions.

Example:

Wanting to run but being unable to
Wanting to push away danger but freezing instead

Therapy may include small, mindful movements that help the nervous system complete unfinished defensive responses.

Window of Tolerance

The therapist carefully helps the client stay within an emotionally manageable zone, not overwhelmed and not emotionally shut down.

Conditions That Might Be Treated

PTSD and complex trauma
Developmental trauma
Dissociation
Anxiety disorders
Attachment wounds
Chronic shame
Somatic symptoms
Emotional dysregulation

What a Session May Look Like

A therapist might ask:

“What do you notice in your body as you say that?”
“What happens in your chest right now?”
“What impulse does your body have?”
“Can you slowly experiment with that movement?”

Sessions are usually gentle, slow-paced, and focused on safety and regulation.

Related Approaches

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy might overlaps with:

Somatic Psychology
Somatic Experiencing
trauma research
Polyvagal Theory
Attachment-focused therapies
Mindfulness-based therapies

Criticisms and Limitations

Some clinicians might view somatic approaches as highly valuable for trauma treatment, especially when talk therapy alone is insufficient. Others note that research evidence is still developing compared to older cognitive-behavioral methods.

Shervan K Shahhian

COMPASSION PSYCHOLOGY

The Path of the Reduction of Suffering

“Compassion Psychology, it’s a modern approach to Psychology, with its practical applications. This theory was conceived by:

Shervan K. Shahhian in Los Angeles, California, USA and it is still developing as a theory of interpersonal development and Compassion. In Compassion Psychology, the effort is made by an individual to understand themselves better by self reflection, contemplation, meditation and helping others. Once a person understands their own strengths and weaknesses they can possibly make better decisions. Compassion Psychology can only work if a person is willing to make positive changes in their thoughts, words and behavior. Self improvement, compassion for self and compassion for all living things are at the core of Compassion Psychology.”
Copyright 2021
Literary Division
United States Copyright Office

Parapsychology: Out-of-Body Experiences (OBEs):

Out-of-Body Experiences (OBEs) maybe episodes where a person feels as if their awareness or “self” has left their physical body and is observing from an external vantage point, often from above.

Psychological & Neuroscience Perspective

From a clinical and research standpoint, OBEs are usually understood as alterations in body perception and self-location rather than literal separation from the body.

They’re linked to activity in the Temporoparietal Junction: ( CONSULT WITH A NEUROLOGIST) , a region that integrates sensory information (vision, touch, balance).
Disruptions here can create the sensation of “being outside” your body.
OBEs can occur during:
- Trauma or extreme stress
- Sleep states (especially sleep paralysis)
- Meditation or dissociative states
- Neurological conditions (e.g., epilepsy)

Some neurologist, may even induced OBE-like sensations in lab settings by electrically stimulating the TPJ.

Psychological Interpretation

In psychology, OBEs are often associated with:

Dissociation: (a temporary split between awareness and bodily experience)
Defense mechanisms under overwhelming stress
Altered states of consciousness (similar to deep meditation or trance)

They can feel very real, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the mind has literally left the body.

Parapsychology / Spiritual View

In fields like parapsychology, OBEs may sometimes interpreted as:

The “astral body” separating from the physical body
A form of consciousness traveling
Related to practices like remote viewing or lucid dreaming

Some researchers, like Charles Tart, studied OBEs to test whether perception can occur independently of the body, but strong, repeatable evidence remains limited.

What Does the Evidence Say?

OBEs are real experiences psychologically (people genuinely feel them).
But there’s no solid scientific proof or materialist researchers do not want to admit to its existence? that consciousness actually leaves the body or perceives distant physical reality during OBEs.
Most evidence points to mind based mechanisms.

Balanced Take

It’s useful to separate two things:

The experience itself: valid, often intense, meaningful
The interpretation of it: still debated (mind-based vs. non-local consciousness)

Interesting Overlap

OBEs share features with:

Lucid dreaming
Near-death experiences (NDEs)
Deep meditation states
Psychedelic experiences

All involve shifts in how the mind constructs self and space.

Shervan K Shahhian

“Radical Honesty” is a communication approach built around telling the truth as directly and completely as possible:

“Radical honesty” is a communication approach built around telling the truth as directly and completely as possible, especially about your own thoughts, feelings, and intentions, instead of filtering, softening, or avoiding discomfort.

At its core, it’s a reaction against the everyday habits most people rely on:

White lies, politeness scripts, emotional suppression, and strategic silence. The idea is that those habits create stress, distance, and confusion over time.

What it actually means in practice

Radical honesty isn’t just “saying whatever comes to mind.” Done well, it involves:

Owning your internal state
Instead of: “I’m fine.”
You say: “I’m actually feeling irritated and a bit hurt.”
Dropping social masks
You don’t pretend to agree, like something, or be okay when you’re not.
Admitting uncomfortable truths about yourself
Jealousy, insecurity, attraction, resentment, things people usually hide.
Speaking in real time
You address things as they arise instead of letting them build into resentment.

The upside

People who practice it seriously might often report:

Less internal tension (no energy spent “managing impressions”)
Clearer relationships (others know where they stand)
Faster conflict resolution (issues surface early)
A stronger sense of authenticity

The downside (and why it’s controversial)

Radical honesty may easily go wrong:

It can be hurtful if used without empathy
Brutal honesty or helpful honesty.
It can become self-centered
Dumping every thought or feeling on others isn’t always appropriate.
It ignores social context
Not every situation benefits from full transparency (workplaces, safety, power dynamics).
It can damage relationships
Especially if the other person hasn’t consented to that level of openness.

The difference between radical honesty and just “being blunt”

A useful distinction:

Bluntness: “That idea is terrible.”
Radical honesty: “I’m noticing I’m having a strong negative reaction to that idea, and I think it’s because I’m worried it won’t work.”

One is an attack. The other is self-revealing.

A more grounded way to use it

If you’re interested in the idea, a balanced version works better than going all in:

Be honest about your own experience, not judgments about others
Pair honesty with responsibility and empathy
Choose timing and context deliberately
Ask: “Is this true, necessary, and constructive?”

Radical honesty isn’t about removing all filters, it’s about replacing unconscious, fear based filtering with conscious, intentional communication.

Shervan K Shahhian

“Self-Trust” is basically your ability to rely on your own judgment, feelings, and decisions:

“Self-trust” is basically your ability to rely on your own judgment, feelings, and decisions, even when things are uncertain.

It doesn’t mean you’re always right. It means:

you believe you can figure things out
you listen to your internal signals (gut, values, intuition)
you don’t constantly outsource decisions to others
and when you mess up, you trust yourself to recover, not collapse

A lot of people think self-trust comes after confidence. It’s actually the opposite: it grows through small, consistent proof:

keeping promises to yourself
making decisions and standing by them
handling mistakes without spiraling

Shervan K Shahhian

Infidelity Recovery is the process couples (or individuals) go through after a betrayal:

Infidelity recovery is the process couples (or individuals) go through after a betrayal, typically emotional or sexual, to rebuild trust, process the trauma, and decide whether and how to move forward.

It’s not a quick “forgive and forget” situation. Psychologically, it resembles recovery from a relational trauma.

What Actually Happens After Infidelity

For the betrayed partner, the experience often mirrors symptoms of acute stress or even trauma:

Intrusive thoughts (“mind movies”)
Hypervigilance (checking, questioning)
Emotional swings (anger, grief, numbness)

For the partner who cheated:

Shame and defensiveness
Fear of losing the relationship
Sometimes minimization or avoidance early on

The 3 Core Phases of Recovery

1. Stabilization (Crisis Phase)

This is the immediate aftermath.

Focus:

Stopping the affair completely (no contact)
Establishing basic transparency (phones, schedules, etc.)
Creating emotional safety

Without this phase, nothing else works.

2. Meaning-Making

This is where things might get deeper, and harder.

The couple explores:

Why the infidelity happened (not excuses, but causes)
Relationship dynamics (disconnection, unmet needs, avoidance patterns)
Individual vulnerabilities (attachment styles, impulse control, etc.)

Therapies like Emotionally Focused Therapy or the Gottman Method are often used here.

3. Rebuilding Trust & Attachment

Trust is not rebuilt through words, it’s rebuilt through consistent behavior over time.

Key elements:

Radical honesty
Predictability and reliability
Emotional attunement
Willingness to answer painful questions (within reason)

Trust becomes earned evidence, not blind belief.

What Determines Whether a Relationship Recovers

Recovery maybe possible, but not guaranteed. It depends on:

Positive indicators:

Genuine remorse (not just guilt)
Full accountability (no blaming the partner)
Consistent transparency
Willingness to tolerate discomfort

Negative indicators:

Continued lying or partial truths
Defensiveness (“you pushed me to it”)
Rushing forgiveness
Repeated betrayals

Important Reality Check

Recovery doesn’t mean going back to the old relationship.

It means:

Either building a new, more conscious relationship
Or recognizing the relationship cannot be repaired and separating in a healthy way

Individual Recovery (If You’re the Betrayed Partner)

Even if the relationship ends, your work includes:

Rebuilding a sense of safety and self-trust
Processing grief and anger
Avoiding overgeneralization (“I can’t trust anyone”)

One Misconception to Drop

“Time heals this.”

Time alone does nothing.
Structured repair, emotional processing, and behavioral change do.

Shervan K Shahhian

A Gottman Therapist (CGT) refers to a clinician trained and certified in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy:

A Gottman Therapist (CGT) refers to a clinician trained and certified in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy, an approach developed by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman.

What “CGT” means

CGT = Certified Gottman Therapist
This is an advanced credential awarded by the Gottman Institute after extensive training, supervision, and evaluation.

What the Gottman Method is

It’s a research-based couples therapy approach grounded in decades of observational studies on relationships. The method focuses on improving:

Emotional connection
Communication patterns
Conflict management
Trust and commitment

Core concepts a CGT uses

A Certified Gottman Therapist typically works with ideas like:

The “Sound Relationship House” (a framework for healthy relationships)
The Four Horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling)
Building love maps (deep knowledge of your partner)
Strengthening fondness and admiration
Repairing conflict rather than eliminating it

What makes a CGT different

Note that some therapist who uses Gottman techniques could be certified.

A CGT has:

Completed all levels of Gottman training
Possibly, Submitted recorded therapy sessions for review
Demonstrated competence in applying the method
Ongoing professional development

What to expect in sessions

With a CGT, therapy is usually:

Structured and goal-oriented
Based on assessment tools (questionnaires, interviews)
Focused on skills-building, not just talking
Often includes home exercises for couples

When people seek a CGT

Communication breakdown
Recurring conflict
Infidelity recovery
Emotional distance
Pre-marital counseling

Bottom line

A Certified Gottman Therapist (CGT) could be a highly trained couples therapist using one of the most empirically supported relationship models available today.

Shervan K Shahhian

Mindfulness Training is a way of learning to pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings in the present moment:

Mindfulness training is a way of learning to pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings in the present moment, without immediately judging or reacting to them. It could be widely used for stress reduction, emotional balance, and improving focus.

What mindfulness training involves

At its core, it’s about practicing awareness. Instead of getting caught up in worries about the future or replaying the past, you train your mind to stay with what’s happening right now.

Common elements include:

Focused attention (often on the breath)
Body awareness (noticing physical sensations)
Open monitoring (observing thoughts as they come and go)
Non-judgment (not labeling experiences as “good” or “bad”)
Popular mindfulness practices:

Breathing meditation

Sit quietly and focus on your breath, how it feels going in and out. When your mind wanders (it will), gently bring it back.

Body scan

Slowly move your attention through different parts of your body, noticing tension, warmth, or other sensations.

Mindful walking

Pay attention to each step, your balance, and the feeling of your feet touching the ground.

Everyday mindfulness

You can practice while eating, showering, or even washing dishes, just fully engage with the activity instead of doing it on autopilot.

Benefits backed by research

People who practice mindfulness regularly often report:

Lower stress and anxiety
Better concentration and memory
Improved emotional regulation
Better sleep
Reduced symptoms of depression
How to start (simple plan)

You don’t need anything fancy:

Start with 5 to 10 minutes a day
Use a timer
Sit comfortably, close your eyes (optional if safe), and focus on your breath
Expect distractions, it’s part of the training, not a failure
A realistic expectation

Mindfulness isn’t about “clearing your mind” or feeling calm all the time. It’s about becoming more aware of what’s happening inside you and responding more deliberately instead of reacting automatically.

Shervan K Shahhian