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Chest breathing itself may not be inherently bad. The issue could be how and when you breathe that way?

Chest breathing vs. diaphragmatic breathing

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Chest dominant breathing:

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• Relies more on the upper chest and accessory breathing muscles.
• May involves quicker, shallower breaths.
• May occur naturally during exercise, fear, anxiety, or acute stress.
• If it becomes your habitual resting pattern, it “may” contribute to neck/shoulder tension and a feeling of breathlessness or hyperarousal?

Diaphragmatic breathing:

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• The diaphragm may do the work.
• The lower ribs and abdomen expand gently during inhalation.
• Usually produces slower, more efficient breathing at rest.
• May help promote parasympathetic regulation and relaxation.

A useful rule

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At rest, you may want quiet, comfortable breathing with movement around the lower ribs/abdomen, rather than exaggerated upper chest breathing.

But don’t try to force your belly outward or take huge breaths. Gentle, slow breathing is better than deep breathing for its own sake.

For stress regulation, a simple approach is:

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Inhale gently, allow the lower ribs/abdomen to expand, exhale slowly and comfortably.

Chest breathing becomes especially important to understand in anxiety and trauma work, because people may unconsciously shift into a more rapid, upper chest pattern when their nervous system perceives threat.

Shervan K Shahhian

Mental health checkups could be a good form of preventive care, similar to routine physical checkups.

A mental health checkup can look at:

• Mood: depression, irritability, emotional stability
• Anxiety and stress: excessive worry, panic, chronic stress
• Sleep: insomnia, irregular sleep, nightmares
• Cognition: concentration, memory, mental sharpness
• Substance use: alcohol, medications, or other substances:Please, consult with a medical doctor.
• Relationships: isolation, conflict, boundaries, social support
• Functioning: work, daily responsibilities, motivation
• Trauma: lingering effects of stressful or traumatic experiences
• Safety: suicidal thoughts, self-harm, or other urgent concerns:A variety of healthcare professionals, including physicians, counselors, psychologists, and other mental health professionals, can play an important role in the assessment and treatment of self-harm. A multidisciplinary approach involves collaboration among multiple healthcare providers to ensure that individuals who engage in self-harm receive comprehensive, coordinated, and individualized care. A thorough psychosocial assessment can help identify underlying psychological, social, and environmental factors, as well as determine the individual’s treatment and support needs.

It may not mean something is “wrong” with you. A checkup may identify problems early, before they become severe.

A primary care physician may perform basic screening, while a psychologist, psychiatrist, or other qualified mental health professional may provide a more comprehensive evaluation.

For many people, an annual or periodic mental health check in is reasonable, with more frequent assessment when symptoms or major life changes occur.

Shervan K Shahhian

Letting go is the ability to release your attachment to something you may not control, change, or keep without denying that it mattered.

It may not mean giving up, forgetting, or pretending you don’t care. It could mean accepting reality and choosing where to place your energy.

What letting go involves

• Acceptance: “This is what happened; I cannot change the past.”
• Releasing control: Stop trying to control another person’s thoughts, choices, or behavior.
• Allowing emotions: Feel sadness, anger, disappointment, or grief without becoming consumed by them.
• Forgiveness: When appropriate, release the emotional burden of resentment. Forgiveness does not require reconciliation.
• Detachment: Care about something without making your emotional stability dependent upon its outcome.
• Redirecting attention: Put energy into what you can influence today.
• Living forward: Stop repeatedly reopening an old chapter in your mind.

A useful mental health distinction

Acceptance vs approval.

You may accept that something happened while still believing it was wrong.

Letting go vs forgetting.

You may remember an experience and still stop allowing it to control your present.

Detachment vs indifference.

You may deeply care about someone while recognizing that you may not live their life for them.

A simple practice

Ask yourself:

“Is this something I may control, influence, or neither?”

If you may control it, act. If you may influence it, communicate and do your part.

If you may neither control nor influence it, practice acceptance and release.

The deepest form of letting go may be letting reality be reality without continually fighting it in your mind.

Shervan K Shahhian

Staying connected with your support system means maintaining regular contact with people who provide emotional, practical, or social support, especially during stressful or difficult periods.

What a support system may include

• Family members or trusted friends
• Therapists, counselors, or peer-support groups
• Mentors, colleagues, or community members
• Support groups for grief, addiction, trauma, or other concerns
• Spiritual or community connections, if meaningful to you

Why it may matters

Staying connected may:

• Reduce isolation and loneliness
• Provide perspective when you’re overwhelmed
• Help you recognize when you’re struggling
• Give you encouragement and accountability
• Provide practical help during a crisis
• Strengthen resilience and emotional regulation

What it looks like in practice

It doesn’t have to mean having long conversations every day. It may be as simple as:

• Calling someone once a week
• Having coffee with a friend
• Sending a text: “I’m having a difficult day, can we talk?”
• Attending a support group regularly
• Letting trusted people know when you need extra support

A key principle: Don’t wait until you’re in crisis to connect. Maintaining relationships before you need them makes it easier to reach out when things become difficult.

Shervan K Shahhian

Don’t lose your sense of self, means maintaining a clear connection to who you are, what you value, what you believe, and what you need, even when other people or circumstances put pressure on you to change.

What it may look like

• Know your values: What matters to you? What principles guide your decisions?
• Maintain boundaries: You can care about others without allowing them to control you.
• Keep your individuality: Your identity doesn’t have to disappear inside a relationship, family, workplace, or social group.
• Trust your own judgment: Listen to others, but don’t automatically surrender your perspective.
• Stay connected to your interests: Continue doing things that give you meaning and enjoyment.
• Allow yourself to change: A strong sense of self isn’t rigid. You can grow while remaining connected to your core identity.
• Don’t define yourself solely by a role: You are more than your job, relationship, diagnosis, achievements, or mistakes.

A useful distinction may be:

Healthy adaptation: “I may change without abandoning myself.”Losing yourself: “I have to become someone else to be accepted, loved, or safe.”

In mental health, maintaining a sense of self is closely related to identity, autonomy, self-concept, boundaries, and psychological differentiation.

Shervan K Shahhian

Permissiveness means a tendency to be lenient, tolerant, or allowing, especially when rules, boundaries, or behavior could otherwise be restricted.

In mental health

Permissiveness may describe a style in which someone:

• Sets few rules or limits
• Avoids confrontation or discipline
• Allows others considerable freedom
• May have difficulty saying “no”
• May tolerate behavior that crosses reasonable boundaries

Example:

A permissive parent might rarely enforce consequences when a child breaks household rules.

In relationships

Permissiveness may be healthy when it means acceptance and flexibility, but excessive permissiveness may become poor boundary setting or enabling.

Healthy: “I understand you’re upset, but I won’t accept being insulted.”

Overly permissive: “It’s okay, say whatever you want,” even when the behavior is repeatedly harmful.

Key distinction

Acceptance vs permissiveness.

You may accept someone’s feelings or perspective without permitting harmful, disrespectful, or unsafe behavior.

Shervan K Shahhian

A blame shifter is someone who habitually avoids responsibility for their actions by redirecting fault onto other people, circumstances, or external events.

Instead of asking, “What part did I play?”,

The blame shifter tends to ask, “Who can I make responsible for this?”

Common signs:

• Deflects responsibility: “It wasn’t my fault.”
• Counterattacks: When confronted, they bring up your mistakes instead.
• Externalizes problems: “You made me do it.”
• Changes the subject: Avoids the original issue by introducing unrelated accusations.
• Minimizes their behavior: “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
• Reverses victim and offender roles: They portray themselves as the injured party.
• Rarely apologizes genuinely: Apologies may contain conditions, “I’m sorry, but you…”
• Rewrites events: Their account changes to avoid responsibility.

Blame shifting vs. healthy accountability

Healthy accountability:

“I was wrong. I understand how my behavior affected you. Here’s what I’ll do differently.”

Blame shifting:

“I only did that because you pushed me into it. If you hadn’t acted that way, none of this would have happened.”

Why some people blame shift

Blame shifting may serve as a psychological defense mechanism. It may protect someone from shame, guilt, embarrassment, loss of status, or the discomfort of acknowledging mistakes. It may also become a learned interpersonal pattern.

Importantly, one instance of blaming someone else doesn’t make a person a “blame shifter.” The meaningful distinction is a persistent pattern of avoiding appropriate responsibility.

A useful response

Don’t get pulled into an endless argument about who’s “really” at fault. Try:

“We may discuss my part separately. Right now, I’m addressing what happened and your responsibility for your part.”

That keeps the conversation focused on behavior, evidence, responsibility, and repair rather than accusation and counteraccusation.

Shervan K Shahhian

Staying unpredictable may be useful when it means not allowing other people to easily manipulate, control, or anticipate your every move.

Why stay unpredictable?

• Protects your boundaries: People may not assume you will always say yes, explain yourself, or tolerate the negative behavior.

• Prevents manipulation: Predictability may sometimes make it easier for someone to exploit your routines or emotional reactions.

• Encourages adaptability: You become more comfortable responding to circumstances rather than following a rigid script.

• Maintains independence: You make choices based on your values rather than on what others expect from you.

• Creates psychological flexibility: You may change your approach when the situation changes.

• Reduces people pleasing: Others learn that their expectations may not automatically determine your behavior.

But there’s an important distinction

Healthy unpredictability vs being unreliable:

Healthy:

“I don’t have to react the way you expect me to. Because, you don’t own me.”

Unhealthy:

“You never know what version of me you’re going to get.”

In most professional and therapeutic relationships especially, predictability, consistency, and reliability are generally strengths. You may be predictable in your ethics and boundaries while remaining flexible in your tactics.

A useful principle is:

“Be predictable in your values; be flexible in your responses.”

That gives you stability without becoming easy to control.

Shervan K Shahhian

Mastering the Art of Timing means learning when to act, when to wait, and when to stop. It is the ability to recognize the right moment rather than simply reacting to events.

The core principles

1.Observe before acting

Don’t rush to respond. Read the situation, the people involved, and the emotional climate.

2.Know when to speak

The right message delivered at the wrong moment may fail. Timing includes knowing when someone is actually ready to listen.

3.Know when to wait

Patience may not passivity. Sometimes waiting allows information, emotions, or circumstances to develop in your favor.

4.Recognize windows of opportunity

Opportunities may not be a limited window. Good timing means noticing when conditions are unusually favorable and acting decisively.

5.Control emotional impulses

Ask yourself: “Do I need to respond now, or do I merely feel compelled to respond now?”

6.Understand pacing

Whether you’re negotiating, teaching, building rapport, leading, or communicating, the pace matters. Too fast may overwhelm; too slow may lose momentum.

7.Use strategic silence

Silence may give another person space to think, reveal more information, or regulate emotionally. You don’t have to fill every pause.

8.Know when to leave

Timing may not be only about entering at the right moment. It’s also knowing when an interaction, argument, opportunity, or relationship has reached its natural stopping point.

A useful mental model

Observe, Assess, Wait, Act, Reassess

The goal may not be to become slow or calculating. It’s to become deliberate rather than impulsive.

Good timing is the intersection of readiness, opportunity, and action.

In psychology and interpersonal communication, this is closely related to emotional regulation, situational awareness, social attunement, impulse control, and judgment.

Shervan K Shahhian