Tag Archives: mental-health

Discernment Counseling, explained:

Discernment Counseling is a short-term, specialized form of couples counseling designed for partners who are uncertain about the future of their relationship — especially when one partner is leaning toward divorce and the other is leaning toward saving the marriage.

Here’s a clear breakdown:

Purpose

The goal isn’t to solve all marital problems or immediately repair the relationship. Instead, it helps couples gain clarity and confidence about whether to:

Stay together and work on the relationship,

Separate or divorce, or

Take a break before making a long-term decision.

Typical Context

It’s often used when couples are in what therapists call “mixed-agenda” situations:

One partner wants to preserve the relationship (“leaning in”).

The other is considering ending it (“leaning out”).

Traditional couples therapy doesn’t work well in this scenario because both partners have different goals. Discernment Counseling addresses that imbalance first.

Structure

Usually 1 to 5 sessions.

The counselor meets with both partners together, and also each partner individually during the session.

Focuses on understanding — not blaming or fixing.

Main Goals

Clarify what’s happened in the relationship to get to this point.

Understand each partner’s contributions to the problems.

Decide on a path forward with mutual respect and insight.

Outcome Options

At the end, couples typically choose one of three paths:

Path 1: Keep the status quo (no immediate changes).

Path 2: Move toward separation or divorce.

Path 3: Commit to a period (usually 6 months) of reconciliation-oriented couples therapy, with full effort from both sides.

I would like to explain how discernment counseling differs from traditional couples therapy or what a sample session looks like?

How discernment counseling differs from traditional couples therapy or what a sample session looks like?

How Discernment Counseling Differs from Traditional Couples Therapy

Aspect Discernment Counseling Traditional Couples Therapy Purpose To help couples decide whether to stay together or separate. To help couples improve and repair their relationship. When Used When partners are ambivalent or have mixed agendas (one leaning in, one leaning out).When both partners want to work on the relationship. DurationShort-term — usually 1 to 5 sessions. Ongoing — weekly sessions for months or longer.Focus Understanding what happened and clarifying future direction. Building skills (communication, trust, conflict resolution, intimacy). Therapist’s Role Neutral guide helping each partner reflect, not persuade. Active coach helping both partners collaborate on change. Outcome A decision — stay, separate, or try reconciliation therapy. Improved relationship through behavioral and emotional change. Client Readiness Designed for uncertainty and ambivalence. Requires mutual commitment to work on the relationship.

So, discernment counseling is about decision-making, not problem-solving it’s a structured pause before committing to either therapy or separation.

What a Sample Session Looks Like

Session Length: ~90 minutes

Step 1: Joint Conversation (15–20 min)

The counselor meets with both partners together.

Purpose: set the tone of respect and clarify goals (“We’re here to understand, not to make quick decisions”).

Each partner shares what brings them in and how they see the current situation.

Step 2: Individual Conversations (30–40 min total)

Each partner meets privately with the counselor.

The “leaning out” partner explores their ambivalence, reasons for leaving, and what they might need to consider staying.

The “leaning in” partner explores how they’ve contributed to the current state and what changes they’d make if given the chance.

Step 3: Rejoin and Reflect (20–30 min)

The counselor brings the couple back together.

Each partner summarizes insights they’ve gained (not negotiations).

The counselor helps them reflect on next steps — maintaining clarity and empathy.

If Further Sessions Occur:

Each session deepens understanding and moves toward one of three decisions:

Maintain the status quo for now.

Begin the process of separation/divorce.

Commit to couples therapy for six months of active repair work.

A brief example dialogue:

Here’s a brief, realistic example dialogue illustrating how a discernment counseling session might unfold when one partner is unsure (leaning out) and the other wants to save the marriage (leaning in).

Scene: First Session

Couple: Female Client (leaning out) and Male Client (leaning in)
and Counselor/Therapist:

Counselor/Therapist: Thank you both for being here. My role today isn’t to push you toward staying or separating, but to help you both understand what’s happened and what each of you wants moving forward. Sound okay?

Female Client: Yes. I’m not sure what I want right now I’ve thought about leaving, but I also feel guilty and confused.

Male Client: I just want us to work on things. I know it’s been bad, but I believe we can fix it.

Counselor/Therapist: That’s very common. In discernment counseling, we call this a mixed-agenda couple — one partner is leaning out, the other leaning in. My job is to help each of you get clearer about your own feelings and choices, not to pressure either way.

Individual Conversations

( Counselor/Therapist: with Female Client)
Counselor/Therapist: Female Client, what’s leading you to think about ending the marriage?

Female Client: I just feel done. We’ve had the same arguments for years, and I don’t feel heard anymore. I’m tired of hoping things will change.

Counselor/Therapist: That sounds painful. What part of you still feels uncertain?

Female Client: Well, we have two kids. And when Mark tries, he really tries. I just don’t know if it’s too late.

Counselor/Therapist: That uncertainty that small opening is something we can explore. Today, we’re not deciding; we’re understanding.

(Counselor/Therapist: with Male Client)
Counselor/Therapist: Male Client, what’s your hope for today?

Male Client: I want to show her I’m serious about changing. I know I’ve shut down emotionally, but I’m willing to do therapy or whatever it takes.

Counselor/Therapist: It’s good that you’re motivated. But remember, today isn’t about persuading Female Client it’s about understanding your part in how things got here. What do you think has been your contribution?

Male Client: I’ve avoided hard conversations. I think I made her feel alone.

Counselor/Therapist: That’s an honest reflection a good step toward clarity.

Joint Wrap-Up

Counselor/Therapist: You’ve both shared important insights today. Female Client:, you’re recognizing how exhaustion and hope are both present. , Male Client you’re seeing where withdrawal played a role.

My suggestion is that you both take a few days to reflect. When we meet next time, we can look at three possible paths:

Keep things as they are for now.

Move toward separation.

Commit to a period of structured couples therapy to rebuild.

The goal is clarity, not a rush to a decision.

Shervan K Shahhian

The Hedonic Treadmill, explained:


The hedonic treadmill (also called hedonic adaptation) is a psychological concept describing how people tend to return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative life changes.

Core Idea
No matter what happens — winning the lottery, getting a promotion, or experiencing loss — our emotional state tends to “reset” over time. After a period of excitement or sadness, people usually revert to their baseline level of happiness.

Psychological Explanation
Adaptation: Humans quickly get used to new circumstances. Once something becomes familiar, it has less emotional impact.

Comparison: We constantly compare ourselves to others or to our past selves, adjusting expectations and satisfaction levels.

Desire Renewal: Once one goal is achieved, a new one arises — keeping us “running” on the treadmill of seeking happiness.

 Example
Someone wins $10 million. At first, their happiness spikes.

After months or a year, they adapt to the new lifestyle, and their happiness returns to roughly the same level as before the win.

Similarly, someone who loses their job may feel depressed but often recovers emotionally over time.

Therapeutic Implications
In psychotherapy or positive psychology, this concept emphasizes:

The importance of cultivating internal sources of happiness (like gratitude, mindfulness, or meaning) rather than external ones.

Encouraging clients to build sustainable well-being practices, not rely solely on changing life circumstances.

I would like to explain how the hedonic treadmill connects specifically to psychotherapy:



In psychotherapy, the hedonic treadmill helps explain why external life changes — money, success, relationships — often fail to produce lasting happiness or relief from emotional distress.

Here’s how it connects clinically and therapeutically:

 1. Understanding Client Dissatisfaction
Many clients enter therapy believing:

“If I get this job, partner, or house, I’ll finally be happy.”

The hedonic treadmill helps therapists show that external goals alone don’t create enduring fulfillment. This awareness can shift therapy toward internal growth, values, and self-awareness, rather than constant pursuit of new external “fixes.”

 2. Focus on Sustainable Well-Being
Therapists often teach clients to build psychological resilience and inner contentment through:

Mindfulness (staying present and savoring experiences)

Gratitude practices (appreciating what one already has)

Values-based living (pursuing meaning, not just pleasure)

Self-compassion (reducing self-criticism)

These help break the cycle of adaptation and create a deeper baseline of well-being.

3. Cognitive and Behavioral Reframing
In Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), clients may learn that chasing external rewards can reinforce avoidance of inner pain.
Instead, therapy works on acceptance, mindfulness, and committed action — anchoring happiness in personal meaning and acceptance, not constant novelty.

 4. Example in Session
Client: “I thought getting this promotion would make me happy, but I feel empty again.”
Therapist: “That’s a common experience — our minds adapt quickly to new rewards. Let’s explore what lasting satisfaction means for you beyond achievement.”

This opens the door to deeper existential or emotional exploration.

 5. Ultimate Goal
Psychotherapy helps clients step off the hedonic treadmill — to find a sense of peace and meaning that isn’t constantly dependent on external changes.

Shervan K Shahhian

The Psychology of Money, explained:


The Psychology of Money is the study of how people think, feel, and behave around money — including how beliefs, emotions, experiences, and biases shape financial decisions. It looks at why people make the choices they do about spending, saving, investing, and risk-taking, often in ways that go beyond logic or economics.

Here’s a breakdown of the key ideas:

1. Money is Emotional, Not Rational
Even though money seems like a logical topic (numbers, balance sheets, profits), people rarely make financial decisions purely rationally.

Fear, greed, status, security, and identity heavily influence choices.

For example: Someone might overspend to feel accepted, or avoid investing because of past financial trauma.

2. Personal History Shapes Financial Behavior
Everyone’s money mindset is shaped by their upbringing, culture, and past experiences:

A person who grew up during financial instability may hoard savings or fear debt.

Someone raised in wealth might view money as a tool for freedom or influence.

3. Perception of Money = Perception of Control
Money often symbolizes control, freedom, or security.
How much control one feels over life circumstances can shape how they manage money:

Feeling powerless → impulsive or avoidant money behaviors.

Feeling capable → strategic planning and long-term thinking.

4. Cognitive Biases in Financial Decisions
Human judgment is full of mental shortcuts that affect money management:

Loss aversion: People fear losing money more than they enjoy gaining it.

Present bias: Preferring small rewards now over larger rewards later.

Anchoring: Relying too heavily on first impressions (e.g., the first price seen).

Herd behavior: Following what others do (like during market booms or crashes).

5. The Relationship Between Money and Happiness
Money can increase happiness — but only up to a point, mainly by reducing stress and providing basic comfort.

Beyond that, happiness depends more on meaning, relationships, and autonomy than on wealth itself.

The psychological trick: People adapt quickly to new levels of wealth (the hedonic treadmill).

6. Identity, Status, and Self-Worth
Many people tie self-esteem to financial success. This leads to:

Comparison with others (social pressure).

Spending to signal success (“conspicuous consumption”).

Anxiety when financial goals are unmet.

7. Healthy Money Mindset
A balanced “psychology of money” involves:

Awareness of emotional triggers and biases.

Mindful decision-making instead of impulsive or fear-driven actions.

Values-based financial goals — aligning money with what truly matters (freedom, creativity, contribution, etc.).

I would like to explain this concept from a clinical/therapeutic perspective:


From a clinical or therapeutic perspective, the psychology of money explores how a person’s emotional life, attachment style, and internal belief systems influence their relationship with money. In therapy, money is not only an economic topic — it’s a mirror reflecting one’s self-worth, safety, power, and relationships.

Here’s how it’s often understood in clinical terms:

1. Money as a Mirror of the Psyche
In psychotherapy, money frequently symbolizes much more than currency:

Security → a substitute for safety or love.

Control → a means to manage anxiety or uncertainty.

Worth → a reflection of self-esteem or personal value.

Autonomy → a measure of independence from parents or authority figures.

Clients may unconsciously express unresolved conflicts through their financial behavior — overspending, hoarding, avoiding, or rescuing others financially.

2. Family-of-Origin and Money Scripts
Therapists often explore “money scripts” — deeply rooted beliefs learned in childhood about money and survival.
Examples include:

“Money is the root of all evil.”

“More money will solve my problems.”

“I must work hard to deserve money.”

“Rich people are selfish.”

These scripts shape adult behaviors:

A child who saw parents argue about money may associate it with conflict and avoid financial discussions.

Someone raised in scarcity might struggle to spend even when financially secure.

3. Emotional Regulation and Financial Behavior
Financial decisions often serve as emotion-regulation strategies:

Shopping to soothe loneliness or stress.

Saving excessively to ward off fear of loss.

Avoiding bills or taxes as a way of denying anxiety or shame.

In therapy, the focus is on helping clients identify these emotional patterns and replace them with healthier coping mechanisms.

4. Attachment and Money
A client’s attachment style often predicts their relationship with money:

Anxious attachment → financial overdependence or people-pleasing (giving too much, avoiding conflict).

Avoidant attachment → secretive, controlling, or emotionally detached from financial intimacy.

Secure attachment → open communication and balanced financial boundaries.

Couples therapy often reveals that money conflicts are attachment conflicts in disguise.

5. Shame, Guilt, and Self-Worth
Money frequently triggers shame (“I’m bad with money,” “I don’t deserve wealth”) or guilt (“I have more than others”).
Therapy helps clients:

Differentiate net worth from self-worth.

Recognize inherited guilt or unspoken family contracts (“Don’t surpass your parents”).

Develop financial self-compassion.

6. Power, Control, and Boundaries
Money dynamics in relationships often reflect power struggles:

One partner controlling finances as a form of dominance.

Another using spending to assert independence.

Families using money to maintain loyalty or dependence.

Therapeutically, this involves restoring financial boundaries and empowering clients to make choices aligned with their authentic needs and values.

7. Healing the Relationship with Money
Clinically, working on money issues means healing one’s emotional relationship with security, value, and trust:

Exploring the narrative behind financial behavior.

Building emotional tolerance for uncertainty and loss.

Creating a values-based financial plan that integrates emotional health with practical goals.

Shervan K Shahhian

Understanding Accurate Empathic Attunement:

Accurate Empathic Attunement refers to the therapist’s (or helper’s) ability to deeply sense, understand, and respond to a client’s inner emotional world in a way that feels precisely aligned with what the client is actually experiencing — not merely what the therapist imagines or assumes they feel.

Here’s a breakdown of what it means:

1. Definition

Accurate empathic attunement is the moment-to-moment sensitivity to the subtle shifts in a client’s emotional state, and the ability to reflect those feelings back with clarity, warmth, and precision. It is empathy in action, combined with accuracy — the therapist “tunes in” to the emotional wavelength of the client.

2. Core Elements

  • Empathic Understanding: Feeling with the client — sensing their inner world as if it were your own.
  • Accuracy: Distinguishing between your perception and the client’s actual experience; checking that your understanding matches theirs.
  • Attunement: Responding in a way that resonates emotionally — tone, pace, words, and presence all match the client’s state.

3. Example in Practice

Client: “I just feel like no matter what I do, I disappoint everyone.”
Therapist (with accurate empathic attunement):
“It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy sense of letting people down — almost like you can’t get it right, even when you try.”

(The therapist captures both the sadness and the self-blame — not just the words.)

If the therapist instead said:
“Sounds like you’re frustrated that others don’t appreciate you,”
 — that would be inaccurate attunement because it misses the client’s deeper emotion (shame, not frustration).

4. Psychological Impact

Accurate empathic attunement:

  • Creates a deep sense of safety and trust.
  • Helps clients feel seen and validated.
  • Encourages emotional regulation and self-understanding.
  • Strengthens the therapeutic alliance — the foundation of healing.

5. In Summary

Accurate empathic attunement is the therapist’s finely tuned emotional radar — sensing not just what a client feels, but how deeply and in what way they feel it, and then mirroring it back with precision and care.

Shervan K Shahhian

Understanding Principle of Reflection:

How this principle applies psychologically:

In psychology, the Principle of Reflection takes on a metaphorical meaning rather than a physical one — but it’s rooted in the same idea: what is sent out is reflected back.

 Psychological Interpretation:

Just as a mirror reflects light, people reflect the attitudes, emotions, and behaviors they perceive from others.
In essence:

The world (or others) often mirrors back to us what we project outward.

1. Interpersonal Reflection (Social Mirror Effect)

When you show kindness, empathy, or respect, people tend to respond similarly.
Conversely, hostility or contempt often invites defensiveness or withdrawal.

Example:
If a therapist listens attentively and nonjudgmentally, the client feels understood and begins to open up — mirroring that same acceptance inwardly.

2. Self-Reflection (Internal Mirror)

In self-awareness, reflection means looking inward — examining one’s own thoughts, motives, and actions.
This is the psychological “mirror” where growth happens.

Example:
After a conflict, asking “Why did I react that way?” is an act of self-reflection — helping transform reactive patterns into conscious choices.

3. Projection and Reflection

Psychodynamic theory suggests that what we criticize or admire in others can be a reflection of parts of ourselves — conscious or unconscious.

Example:
If someone irritates you for being arrogant, it may reflect your own unacknowledged pride or insecurity.

4. Therapeutic Reflection (Active Listening)

In counseling, reflection means mirroring the client’s emotions or thoughts to help them feel heard and gain insight.

Example (Therapist–Client dialogue):

  • Client: “I feel like no one values what I do.”
  • Therapist: “It sounds like you’re feeling unappreciated and unseen.”

This reflective statement helps the client recognize and process their inner experience.

Summary

Domain What is Reflected Purpose Physics Light Image formation Psychology Thoughts, feelings, behaviors Understanding and growth Interpersonal Attitudes & emotions Building empathy and harmony Therapy Client’s experience Insight and healing

I would you like to show how this Principle of Reflection is used specifically in psychotherapy or counseling practice (e.g., reflective listening, mirroring techniques)?

This Principle of Reflection is used specifically in psychotherapy or counseling practice 

The Principle of Reflection is deeply embedded in psychotherapy and counseling practice.
Here, it shifts from being a law of physics to a core communication and insight tool that helps clients see themselves more clearly.

 The Principle of Reflection in Psychotherapy and Counseling

1. Reflective Listening (Core Technique)

At the heart of counseling, reflection means accurately mirroring a client’s feelings, meanings, or experiences so they can recognize and process them.

How it works:

The therapist listens attentively, then reflects back what they’ve heard — not by parroting, but by capturing the emotional essence of the client’s message.

Example:

  • Client: “I’m tired of trying to please everyone and still feeling invisible.”
  • Therapist: “You feel exhausted from giving so much and still not being seen.”

 Purpose:

  • Builds empathy and trust
  • Encourages deeper self-awareness
  • Helps clients hear their own inner truth spoken aloud

2. Emotional Reflection

Therapists often reflect underlying emotions that the client may not have clearly identified.

Example:

  • Client: “I guess I don’t care anymore.”
  • Therapist: “It sounds like beneath that, there’s some hurt and disappointment.”

Purpose:
This helps bring implicit feelings into conscious awareness, a crucial step for emotional healing.

3. Behavioral Reflection

Therapists also reflect behavioral patterns — like avoidance, defensiveness, or control — to help clients notice how they act or react.

Example:

  • Therapist: “I notice that when we talk about your father, you change the subject quickly. Maybe that topic feels uncomfortable?”

 Purpose:
Increases insight into habitual responses and opens space for change.

4. Mirroring (Nonverbal Reflection)

Therapists sometimes subtly mirror the client’s tone, posture, or pace to build rapport and convey understanding.

 Purpose:
Creates a sense of safety and connection through nonverbal empathy — what Carl Rogers called “accurate empathic attunement.”

5. Reflective Practice (For the Therapist)

The principle also applies to the therapist’s own growth — engaging in self-reflection after sessions to examine reactions, biases, or blind spots.

Purpose:
Maintains professional integrity and emotional balance.

Summary Table

Type of Reflection What is Reflected Therapeutic Purpose Verbal Reflection Client’s words and meaning Shows understanding Emotional Reflection Feelings and tone Promotes awareness & catharsis Behavioral Reflection Patterns of action Builds insight into habits Nonverbal Mirroring Body language, tone Enhances connection Therapist Self-Reflection Therapist’s inner process Supports ethical, empathic work.

In essence:

The Principle of Reflection in psychotherapy means that:

The therapist acts as a mirror of understanding, helping clients see themselves clearly — not by telling them what they are, but by reflecting what is already within them.

Shervan K Shahhian

Understanding Discernment Counseling:

Discernment Counseling is a short-term, specialized form of couples counseling designed for partners who are uncertain about the future of their relationship — especially when one partner is leaning toward divorce and the other is leaning toward saving the marriage.

Here’s a clear breakdown:

Purpose:
The goal isn’t to solve all marital problems or immediately repair the relationship. Instead, it helps couples gain clarity and confidence about whether to:

Stay together and work on the relationship,

Separate or divorce, or

Take a break before making a long-term decision.

Typical Context:
It’s often used when couples are in what therapists call “mixed-agenda” situations:

One partner wants to preserve the relationship (“leaning in”).

The other is considering ending it (“leaning out”).

Traditional couples therapy doesn’t work well in this scenario because both partners have different goals. Discernment Counseling addresses that imbalance first.

Structure:
Usually 1 to 5 sessions.

The counselor meets with both partners together, and also each partner individually during the session.

Focuses on understanding — not blaming or fixing.

Main Goals:
Clarify what’s happened in the relationship to get to this point.

Understand each partner’s contributions to the problems.

Decide on a path forward with mutual respect and insight.

Outcome Options:
At the end, couples typically choose one of three paths:

Path 1: Keep the status quo (no immediate changes).

Path 2: Move toward separation or divorce.

Path 3: Commit to a period (usually 6 months) of reconciliation-oriented couples therapy, with full effort from both sides.

I would you like to explain how discernment counseling differs from traditional couples therapy or what a sample session looks like?

How discernment counseling differs from traditional couples therapy or what a sample session looks like?

Let’s look at both:

How Discernment Counseling Differs from Traditional Couples Therapy
Aspect Discernment Counseling Traditional Couples Therapy
Purpose To help couples decide whether to stay together or separate. To help couples improve and repair their relationship.
When Used When partners are ambivalent or have mixed agendas (one leaning in, one leaning out). When both partners want to work on the relationship.


Duration Short-term — usually 1 to 5 sessions. Ongoing — weekly sessions for months or longer.


Focus Understanding what happened and clarifying future direction. Building skills (communication, trust, conflict resolution, intimacy).
Therapist’s Role Neutral guide helping each partner reflect, not persuade. Active coach helping both partners collaborate on change.


Outcome A decision — stay, separate, or try reconciliation therapy. Improved relationship through behavioral and emotional change.
Client Readiness Designed for uncertainty and ambivalence. Requires mutual commitment to work on the relationship.
So, discernment counseling is about decision-making, not problem-solving — it’s a structured pause before committing to either therapy or separation.

What a Sample Session Looks Like:
Session Length: ~90 minutes

Step 1: Joint Conversation (15–20 min)

The counselor meets with both partners together.

Purpose: set the tone of respect and clarify goals (“We’re here to understand, not to make quick decisions”).

Each partner shares what brings them in and how they see the current situation.

Step 2: Individual Conversations (30–40 min total)

Each partner meets privately with the counselor.

The “leaning out” partner explores their ambivalence, reasons for leaving, and what they might need to consider staying.

The “leaning in” partner explores how they’ve contributed to the current state and what changes they’d make if given the chance.

Step 3: Rejoin and Reflect (20–30 min)

The counselor brings the couple back together.

Each partner summarizes insights they’ve gained (not negotiations).

The counselor helps them reflect on next steps — maintaining clarity and empathy.

If Further Sessions Occur:

Each session deepens understanding and moves toward one of three decisions:

Maintain the status quo for now.

Begin the process of separation/divorce.

Commit to couples therapy for six months of active repair work.

Would you like me to show you a brief example dialogue from a discernment counseling session — one “leaning out” partner and one “leaning in”?

A brief example dialogue:
Here’s a brief, realistic example dialogue illustrating how a discernment counseling session might unfold when one partner is unsure (leaning out) and the other wants to save the marriage (leaning in).

Scene: First Session:
Couple: Female Client (leaning out) and Male Client (leaning in)
Counselor

Counselor: Thank you both for being here. My role today isn’t to push you toward staying or separating, but to help you both understand what’s happened and what each of you wants moving forward. Sound okay?

Female Client: Yes. I’m not sure what I want right now — I’ve thought about leaving, but I also feel guilty and confused.

Male Client: I just want us to work on things. I know it’s been bad, but I believe we can fix it.

Counselor: That’s very common. In discernment counseling, we call this a mixed-agenda couple — one partner is leaning out, the other leaning in. My job is to help each of you get clearer about your own feelings and choices, not to pressure either way.

Individual Conversations:
(Counselor: with Female Client)
Counselor: Female Client, what’s leading you to think about ending the marriage?

Female Client: I just feel done. We’ve had the same arguments for years, and I don’t feel heard anymore. I’m tired of hoping things will change.

Counselor: That sounds painful. What part of you still feels uncertain?

Female client: Well, we have two kids. And when Male Client tries, he really tries. I just don’t know if it’s too late.

Counselor: That uncertainty — that small opening — is something we can explore. Today, we’re not deciding; we’re understanding.

(Counselor with Male Client):
Counselor: Client, what’s your hope for today?

Male Client: I want to show her I’m serious about changing. I know I’ve shut down emotionally, but I’m willing to do therapy or whatever it takes.

Counselor: It’s good that you’re motivated. But remember, today isn’t about persuading Female Client it’s about understanding your part in how things got here. What do you think has been your contribution?

Male Client: I’ve avoided hard conversations. I think I made her feel alone.

Counselor: That’s an honest reflection — a good step toward clarity.

Joint Wrap-Up:
Counselor: You’ve both shared important insights today. Female Client, you’re recognizing how exhaustion and hope are both present. Male Client, you’re seeing where withdrawal played a role.

My suggestion is that you both take a few days to reflect. When we meet next time, we can look at three possible paths:

Keep things as they are for now.

Move toward separation.

Commit to a period of structured couples therapy to rebuild.

The goal is clarity, not a rush to a decision.

Shervan K Shahhian

Conversational Hypnosis, what is it:

Conversational Hypnosis — also called covert hypnosis or indirect hypnosis — is a communication technique used to influence someone’s subconscious mind through ordinary conversation, without them necessarily being aware that hypnosis is occurring.

Core Concept:

Conversational hypnosis uses language patterns, suggestion, and rapport-building to gently bypass the critical, analytical part of the mind and access the unconscious — where deeper change can happen (e.g., altering beliefs, attitudes, behaviors).

Key Techniques in Conversational Hypnosis:

Rapport Building
 Establishing trust, empathy, and psychological alignment with the listener. Without rapport, the subconscious is less receptive.

Pacing and Leading
 Start by stating observable truths (pacing), which builds agreement, then subtly guide the person toward a suggestion or desired thought (leading).

  • Example: “You’re sitting here reading this, maybe curious about how your mind works… and as you continue, you might begin to notice…”

Hypnotic Language Patterns (Ericksonian)
 Inspired by Milton Erickson, these include:

  • Embedded commands: “You might begin to feel more confident.”
  • Double binds: “Would you prefer to relax now or in a few minutes?”
  • Tag questions: “That makes sense, doesn’t it?”
  • Implied causality: “As you sit here, you’ll naturally start to feel more at ease.”

Metaphors and Stories
 Personal or symbolic stories bypass resistance and embed suggestions indirectly.

  • E.g., “I once knew someone who used to doubt themselves, but something shifted when they realized…”

Open Loops and Curiosity
 Creating unresolved ideas or stories keeps the subconscious engaged and primed to accept suggestions.

  • “There’s something I want to tell you that could really change how you think about confidence…”

Applications of Conversational Hypnosis:

  • Therapy and coaching (e.g., building motivation, reducing anxiety)
  • Sales and negotiation (ethical influence)
  • Public speaking (engaging an audience deeply)
  • Personal development and habit change

Ethical Considerations:

Conversational hypnosis can be powerful and should be used with integrity. Misuse for manipulation or coercion can be harmful. When applied ethically, it’s a tool for positive influence, healing, and growth.

Here’s a simple example of a conversation using conversational hypnosis techniques, particularly drawn from Milton Erickson’s indirect approach. Imagine this is a therapist or coach helping someone feel more confident:

Scene: A client feels nervous about public speaking.

Coach:
 “You know, a lot of people feel a little uncertain before they speak. And it’s perfectly natural, isn’t it? After all, when you care about something, it means you want to do it well… and just the fact that you care means something’s already working inside.”

(Rapport + pacing experience)

Client:
 “Yeah, I guess so. I just get tense before I speak.”

Coach:
 “And that tension… that’s just energy, really. A kind of energy that, once it shifts, can actually become focus. Have you noticed how sometimes when you’re doing something important, you almost forget the nervousness… and something else takes over?”

(Reframe + implied causality + open loop)

Client:
 “Sometimes, yeah… when I’m in the zone.”

Coach:
 “Exactly. And as you think about times you’ve been ‘in the zone,’ you might find it interesting… that the mind can remember that state and even return to it more easily than expected. Some people are surprised how quickly they can shift, once they allow that process to begin.”

(Embedded suggestion + indirect priming of internal resources)

Client:
 “Huh, I never thought about it that way.”

Coach:
 “Most people don’t, until they realize… that calm and confidence are already part of who they are. Maybe they were just waiting for the right moment to come back.”

What’s Happening Under the Surface:

  • No direct command like “Relax!” or “Be confident!”
  • Subtle suggestions are embedded within casual conversation.
  • The client’s subconscious is gently guided to associate past success with present potential.
  • The coach uses open language, reframing, and metaphors of natural learning and transformation.

Shervan K Shahhian

Short-term Counseling, why:


Short-term counseling (also called brief therapy) is used because it helps clients address specific issues efficiently, often within a limited time frame. It focuses on creating meaningful change without the need for long-term treatment.

Here are the main reasons why short-term counseling is valuable:

Goal-Focused

It targets a specific problem — such as stress, grief, or a relationship conflict — rather than exploring the entire life history.
The counselor and client identify clear, realistic goals early on.
Time-Efficient

Usually lasts from 6 to 12 sessions, making it practical for clients with limited time or resources.
Useful in settings like schools, community clinics, or workplaces.
Empowers Clients Quickly

Encourages clients to develop coping strategies and practical tools they can apply right away.
Builds self-efficacy by showing that progress is possible within a short period.
Cost-Effective

Requires fewer sessions, reducing the financial burden of therapy.
Evidence-Based Success

Research shows brief interventions (like CBT-based short-term models) can be just as effective as long-term therapy for specific issues such as anxiety, depression, and adjustment problems.
Prevents Problem Escalation

Early, focused counseling can stop small issues from becoming major psychological or behavioral disorders — making it preventive as well as therapeutic.
There are several models of short-term counseling, each with its own focus and method, but all share the goal of producing meaningful change in a limited time. Here are the main models:

  1. Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT)
    Key idea: Focus on solutions, not problems.
    Goal: Help clients identify what’s already working and build on their strengths.
    Techniques:
    “Miracle question” (“If the problem disappeared overnight, what would be different?”)
    Scaling questions (rating progress or motivation from 0–10)
    Highlighting exceptions (times when the problem was less severe)
    Typical length: 4–8 sessions.
    Best for: Goal-setting, motivation, and problem-solving.
  2. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (Brief CBT)
    Key idea: Thoughts affect feelings and behavior — change the thought, change the outcome.
    Goal: Identify distorted thinking and replace it with balanced, realistic thoughts.
    Techniques:
    Thought records
    Behavioral experiments
    Cognitive restructuring
    Typical length: 6–12 sessions.
    Best for: Anxiety, depression, stress, and coping skills.
  3. Brief Psychodynamic Therapy
    Key idea: Explore unconscious patterns, early experiences, and emotional conflicts — but in a focused, time-limited way.
    Goal: Gain insight into recurring emotional themes that shape current behavior.
    Techniques:
    Focus on a single “core conflictual theme”
    Exploring defense mechanisms and relational patterns
    Typical length: 12–20 sessions.
    Best for: Interpersonal issues and emotional insight.
  4. Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT — Brief Model)
    Key idea: Emotional distress is often linked to current relationship problems.
    Goal: Improve communication and resolve interpersonal conflicts or role transitions.
    Techniques:
    Clarifying emotional needs in relationships
    Improving social support and communication
    Typical length: 12–16 sessions.
    Best for: Depression, grief, and life transitions.
  5. Motivational Interviewing (MI)
    Key idea: People are more likely to change when they find their own motivation.
    Goal: Strengthen a person’s internal motivation and commitment to change.
    Techniques:
    Open-ended questions
    Reflective listening
    Exploring ambivalence
    Typical length: 1–6 sessions.
    Best for: Substance use, health behavior change, and ambivalence about goals.
  6. Crisis Intervention Model
    Key idea: Provide immediate support and stabilization during an acute crisis.
    Goal: Restore equilibrium and prevent lasting psychological harm.
    Techniques:
    Rapid assessment of risk and needs
    Emotional support and problem-solving
    Safety planning and connection to ongoing help
    Typical length: 1–3 sessions.
    Best for: Trauma, loss, or sudden life events.
    Shervan K Shahhian

Catatonic, explained:

A catatonic episode is a medical emergency because of risks like dehydration, malnutrition, or self-harm.

See a Psychiatrist and or a Neurologist for more information.


Catatonia (or being catatonic) is a psychomotor syndrome — meaning it involves a disruption of movement and behavior that arises from a psychiatric, neurological, or medical condition. It’s not a disorder by itself but a state that can occur in various conditions such as schizophrenia, mood disorders (especially bipolar disorder and major depression), or medical/neurological illnesses.

Here’s a breakdown to help you understand it clearly:

 What Catatonia Is
Catatonia is a state of psychomotor disturbance characterized by abnormal movements, behaviors, or postures. A person in a catatonic state may appear frozen, unresponsive, or oddly repetitive in their actions.

⚙️ Common Symptoms (You Only Need 3 for Diagnosis)
According to the DSM-5, catatonia is diagnosed when three or more of the following symptoms are present:

Stupor — No psychomotor activity; not actively relating to the environment.

Catalepsy — Passive holding of a posture against gravity (e.g., arm remains raised when lifted).

Waxy flexibility — The person’s limbs stay in whatever position someone else places them.

Mutism — Little or no verbal response.

Negativism — Resistance to instructions or attempts to be moved.

Posturing — Voluntary assumption of bizarre or inappropriate postures.

Mannerisms — Odd, exaggerated actions of normal behavior.

Stereotypy — Repetitive, non-goal-directed movements (e.g., rocking, hand flapping).

Agitation — Excessive movement not influenced by external stimuli.

Grimacing — Strange facial expressions.

Echolalia — Mimicking another’s speech.

Echopraxia — Mimicking another’s movements.

🩺 Causes and Associated Conditions
Catatonia can occur with:

Schizophrenia (especially catatonic type)

Bipolar disorder (especially manic or mixed episodes)

Major depressive disorder

Neurological or medical conditions (e.g., encephalitis, metabolic disorders)

Substance use or withdrawal

 Treatment
Catatonia is a medical emergency if severe (especially if the person stops eating or drinking).


Common treatments include:

A catatonic episode is a medical emergency because of risks like dehydration, malnutrition, or self-harm.

See a Psychiatrist and or a Neurologist for more information.

Treating the underlying condition (psychiatric or medical cause).

Example
A person with bipolar disorder may suddenly stop speaking, stay in one position for hours, and resist movement. Despite appearing “frozen,” they may still be aware of their surroundings — this is a catatonic episode.

Shervan K Shahhian

Catatonic, explained:

Catatonia is a medical emergency if severe (especially if the person stops eating or drinking).

Catatonia (or being catatonic) is a psychomotor syndrome — meaning it involves a disruption of movement and behavior that arises from a psychiatric, neurological, or medical condition. It’s not a disorder by itself but a state that can occur in various conditions such as schizophrenia, mood disorders (especially bipolar disorder and major depression), or medical/neurological illnesses.

Here’s a breakdown to help you understand it clearly:

What Catatonia Is

See a Psychiatrist and or a Neurologist for more information.

Catatonia is a state of psychomotor disturbance characterized by abnormal movements, behaviors, or postures. A person in a catatonic state may appear frozen, unresponsive, or oddly repetitive in their actions.

Common Symptoms (You Only Need 3 for Diagnosis)

According to the DSM-5, catatonia is diagnosed when three or more of the following symptoms are present:

Stupor — No psychomotor activity; not actively relating to the environment.

Catalepsy — Passive holding of a posture against gravity (e.g., arm remains raised when lifted).

Waxy flexibility — The person’s limbs stay in whatever position someone else places them.

Mutism — Little or no verbal response.

Negativism — Resistance to instructions or attempts to be moved.

Posturing — Voluntary assumption of bizarre or inappropriate postures.

Mannerisms — Odd, exaggerated actions of normal behavior.

Stereotypy — Repetitive, non-goal-directed movements (e.g., rocking, hand flapping).

Agitation — Excessive movement not influenced by external stimuli.

Grimacing — Strange facial expressions.

Echolalia — Mimicking another’s speech.

Echopraxia — Mimicking another’s movements.

Causes and Associated Conditions

See a Psychiatrist and or a Neurologist for more information.

Catatonia can occur with:

  • Schizophrenia (especially catatonic type)
  • Bipolar disorder (especially manic or mixed episodes)
  • Major depressive disorder
  • Neurological or medical conditions (e.g., encephalitis, metabolic disorders)
  • Substance use or withdrawal

Treatment

Catatonia is a medical emergency if severe (especially if the person stops eating or drinking).


 Common treatments include:

See a Psychiatrist and or a Neurologist for more information.

  • Treating the underlying condition (psychiatric or medical cause).

Example

A person with bipolar disorder may suddenly stop speaking, stay in one position for hours, and resist movement. Despite appearing “frozen,” they may still be aware of their surroundings, this is a catatonic episode.

Shervan K Shahhian